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Michelle Halle

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  • Ending treatment with a therapist whom you’ve become attached to is hard. There is no way to avoid feelings of sadness and loss when treatment ends before you are ready. So much of the treatment is about the relationship between you and your therapist so no wonder it hurts so much to think about it coming to an end. You said you’ll be talking…Read More

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    Michelle Halle replied to the topic Psychedelics for Trauma in the forum Trauma

    I’m not sure if this was your intention, but to engage in unsupervised use of psychedelics as a natural way of healing is a misuse and abuse of psychedelics. Trauma sufferers seek relief from their pain and symptoms, and mental health practioners are acutely aware of the need to help this population get their lives back. Research and trials…Read More

  • I don’t know  why you were in treatment or anything else about you, but will try to provide some general thoughts for you to consider and hope they help.

    The feelings you described as uncomfortable seem to indicate to me that  you were attached to your therapist. Feeling attached to your therapist is  a good sign. But, you didn’t like the fe…Read More

  • I’ll let you in on a secret, once you start dating you will quickly discover that no one is perfect. Relationships are complex. They can bring joy, misery, or both, and everything in between. By nature, all of us crave connection and ideally, the relationship between a husband and a wife should be one where both spouses feel safe and secure. While…Read More

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    Michelle Halle replied to the topic Trauma and Religion in the forum Trauma

    Yes!!

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    Michelle Halle replied to the topic Trauma and Religion in the forum Trauma

    Climber,

    You were very clear. I feel for you – your words describe a real dilemma and struggle.  Your thoughts about your religious observance are in conflict with your feelings. You recognize the link between the mitzvos hayom, your childhood trauma, and its resulting anxiety.

    Childhood trauma requires treatment from a qualified therapist and…Read More

  • Malkyknob

    This is so hard. Understandably,  you really want to get married. Here’s a suggestion – notice what’s happening. You’re forecasting future events. You’re feeling anxious and by definition,  anxiety lives in the future, but we live in the present. Can I make a suggestion? I don’t know what your relationship with your brothers is l…Read More

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    Michelle Halle wrote a new post

    You’re a growth-oriented person. You look for opportunities to develop skills in all areas of your life – spiritual, emotional, and physical. You’re conscious of making the right choices and showing for […]

    Finding Forgiveness This Rosh Hashanah

    You’re a growth-oriented person. You look for opportunities to develop skills in all areas of your life - spiritual, emotional, and physical. You’re conscious of making the right choices and showing forgiveness to those around you. When you stop...

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  • I read your words, and this is how I understand your question. You ask whether it’s normal to deprive yourself of therapy despite feeling it could help. Would you deprive yourself of seeing a doctor if you have an infection, or a dentist if you have a cavity? You say that two hundred years ago therapy would have been considered absurd.

    So would…Read More

  • Reparenting yourself means filling in the emotional gaps that occurred in your early life by giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child.

    Looking back at your childhood, you recall times when you didn’t get the type of nurturing you needed. Some children suffer significant deprivation, others less so, while others have had goo…Read More

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    Michelle Halle replied to the topic Dating with CEN in the forum Relationships

    Dear cnjourney,

    Being emotionally neglected impacts your ability to register feelings. When someone asks “how do you feel about that?” which is likely to happen on a date,  you probably don’t know how you feel and don’t know how to answer the question.

    Dating for the purpose of building a relationship with someone,  someone you can marry,  ne…Read More

  • Shmuel,

    Not getting a response from your therapist is  uncomfortable. Many therapist will send a one sentence reply so that you know it was received. Doing more than that is not helpful.

    It also sounds like your therapist is not the only silent one. He doesn’t respond to your emails and you don’t respond to his silence. Do you bring up his…Read More

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    Michelle Halle wrote a new post

    Learning how to break free from perfectionism & shame can be daunting, but with practice, it’s possible to transform these painful feelings into self-growth and self-actualization.

    The teacher meant well but […]

    How to Break Free From Perfectionism & Shame

    Learning how to break free from perfectionism & shame can be daunting, but with practice, it's possible to transform these painful feelings into self-growth and self-actualization. The teacher meant well but she taught us a harmful lesson. Ms. Stern* took...

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  • Trying is Lying

    When I hear someone say they are going to try,
    I hear them saying something else.
    I hear them saying that they won’t.

    I’ll try says, I want it to sound like I will.
    I’ll try says, I’m uncomfortable saying no.

    When you don’t want something, you try.
    When you want something, you do something.

    What do you tell…Read More

  • Often,  it’s harder to be vulnerable with our own parents than it is with strangers.

    I don’t know your age so I have to assume that you live at home and are dependent on your parents.

    Your question is how to ask. I’m taking it for granted that you believe your parents will arrange for you to meet with a therapist once they learn that you’re…Read More

  • Many of us have volunteered to answer the call of those who need support. We are manning (and womaning) the crisis hot-line that Amudim has set up. The number to call is 888.726.8346.

  • Chavy,

    This is a huge challenge during the state’s lock-down and social distance regulations. Despite the oft repeated mantra, “We’re all in this together” it  doesn’t feel that way, we feel very alone. This is even truer if you’re living with others whose coping mechanisms are in conflict with your own.

    You probably saw that video clip of an…Read More

  • <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>I want to talk to all you working moms who are  terrified because your children are home or will soon be home due to school closures. You’ve never been a stay-at-home mom, nor have you ever wanted to be one. </span>

    <span style=”font-weight: 400;”>It’s hard to stay focused on how COVID-19 has altered the &l…Read More

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    Michelle Halle wrote a new post

    Do you feel anxious and experience dark moments? You know the ones I’m talking about – those moments when you feel hopelessly alone and believe that there is something inherently wrong with you. Do you have a sen […]

    Childhood Trauma: When Childhood Hurts

    Do you feel anxious and experience dark moments? You know the ones I’m talking about – those moments when you feel hopelessly alone and believe that there is something inherently wrong with you. Do you have a sensation in...

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    3 Comments
    • I’m waiting till this concept of mental illness being a sole result of developmental trauma is no longer the flavor of the month.
      As much as it might be true to an extent, it takes into no account most sane and serious theories til now. It is damaging in terms of diagnosis and treatment and is entirely irresponsible.
      I can’t wait until it is chucked into the what were we thinking? bin.

    • I had many childhood traumas from my mother who was not emotionally well for many years until she agreed to receive professional help. This article was extremely helpful and validating and gave me a clearer understanding about my traumas, going to therapy for myself, and helping myself get the needs of mine that we never met as a child. Thank you Michelle for this article!

    • This article so clearly encapsulates emotional neglect.
      This is the most validating article I’ve read on the topic (and I’ve read many!), both in regard to how it feels on a daily basis — this hollow, empty vortex that seems to engulf me — and also how painful the therapy can be.
      I will come back to read it every time I need encouragement that keeping at therapy and doing this painful work is worth it. Thank you for normalizing this attachment that I sometimes just want to do away.

  • Chavy,

    This sounds so painful.

    I’d like to share my perspective but before I do, I want to say that Rivkah Kaufman gave you some great tools for regulating your emotions. They are considered the gold standard of care. Btw, did you know that Marsha Linehan suffered from emotional dysrgulation herself and created this to treat herself?

    Here is…Read More

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