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    Chavy
    Participant

    Any ideas of how to feel good in my own skin and not so lonely and in need of connection and others? I find that I have a huge obsession with needing to be with people and although I know it’s not true, I feel like I need people to give me a boost and to feel alive.

    This feeling comes and goes. I also do the comparison thing. There’s a lot of layers here.

    Any ideas of how I can feel better when I’m with myself and not have this obsession that I NEED others to feel good?

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    zissy
    Participant

    Finding activities you enjoy , reading self help books , doing charity work ..any type of self care..will help fullfill you for the times you feel you need a boost . perhaps ask your therapist to aid you in how to deal with such triggers and how to control the obsession. Good luck !

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to zissy's post #7592:

    Thank you Zissy! I appreciate your response. I’ve tried volunteering and doing chessed/charity, but I think I need something more, like a job, to take the edge off and obsession off the lonely feelings. I also think that in terms of the obsession, accepting that reality is primarily the best way. But, it’s very very hard… There are many judgments and comparison thoughts that get in the way. And, as I’m writing, I’m remembering that it’s probably best to just acknowledge that, all those thoughts, accept them and then redirect my attention. Ya, I am talking to my therapist about this. I could hear he say to just accept it as it is. What i’m describing here is called Radical Acceptance, a DBT term.

    Hello Chavy,

    You are asking a good question, but also negating an important and ok factor of human dynamics. As human beings we were created to relate. Needing other people in your life is perfectly normal. That being said, we want to also be ok when others are not available and to develop a strong sense of self.

    A sense of self is very much rooted in a sense of meaning and purpose in your life. You mention that you need a job. What do you do with your day? Is your time important and meaningful?

    Chaya

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to chayasatt's post #7604:

    Yes, I bH do have meaning in my life. It’s just that when the loneliness is intense and emotions/thoughts aren’t the most pleasant ones, it hard, it makes it harder to do things alone. But I’m working on it.

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    splitandtrying2bme
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #7628:

    hey there,

    happen to be around and available to shmooze?

    Needing connection….

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to splitandtrying2bme's post #7742:

    Hi! I’m so sorry I wasn’t around then. I was sleeping.. How are you doing now?

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    splitandtrying2bme
    Participant

    Hey no problem….thanks.

    anyone on now..?

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hi! I wish I could talk, bc I sure do know what it feels like to be lonely, but I just got back from a friend’s shower and need to unwind a bit. I’m so sorry! I really hope you’re doing well 🙂 Hang in there!

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    YiddishImma
    Participant

    Hi Chavy,

    Im aware that quite a while has past since your post. How are you doing?

    I remember having a lonely feeling consistently and sometimes still do even when I am around people. For me it was/is a connection I need with my own self 1st. I know it sounds cliche to say things like the neshama is calling… Wanting connection. Although to others it might seem lofty and up-there teratory, to me it is the most linear, matter-of-fact fact of my life.

    The book from Miriam Newhauser “the inner light of love” gave me some perspective.

    And 1 more: you are never ever alone! There are always eyes upon you. What you do impacts greatly! Directly and indierectly… Those you know and those you dont yet know. We are in it together. There is a pool we all swim in and your splashes ripple… Keep goin! Keep growin!! We want the best version of you continuously…

    Hatzlucha!

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to YiddishImma's post #8342:

    Thank you so much for your beautiful kind and thoughtful words! I think that what you’re saying about my Neshamah calling for me has some truth in it. I also think that when I’m lonely or feel empty, it’s a sign that I need to nurture myself and do something that’s self soothing or really anything that will help me feel more connected to myself.

    And, I love love the point you made about having a domino/rippling affect. It’s very true! The only thing I would question or argue is about making a domino effect when you’re alone and not with others. I’m guessing that would be in a spiritual sense?

    I think I had that book, but it got packed away when we moved.. maybe I’ll check it out in the library.

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    YiddishImma
    Participant

    My pleasure! What I mean with ‘you are not alone’ is that there are oh so many, perfectly made-up, good looking, even happy looking woman (and men, less the make-up) that feel the same way sometimes. V’oni besochem…

    And you got it with assuming it’s in the spiritual sense when you are not around people.

    I remember learning (parden me I dont know the source) that each subject has a light/darkness balance. The yetzer hora, the dark pull gains energy with the emittion of every negative/disempowering thought. And loses energy every time any person, however alone, wherever in the world, chooses to strengthen themselves above there nagging/disempowwring thoughts. And the light portion gets bigger and stronger, more possible for others in the same shoe and for you next time to pick a light-thought. Simple laguage is the scale gets tipped. Remember learning something like this in school? That everything you do effects the world. Meta-physics now proves it cuz the frequency of the vibrations of thoughts can now be measured. I hope I didn’t blabble too much…

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to YiddishImma's post #8352:

    So basically what I think you’re saying is that each time a person does something good, someone else gets strengthened? Something like that..?

    (And you’re not babbling. I’m glad I’m not the only one whose posts are long ;).

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    YiddishImma
    Participant

    The ‘bank’ get impacted.

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    YiddishImma
    Participant

    Potentials get changed. There is still choice.  But bigger potential to either side. And its not particularly the doing but the energies that get emitted from the ‘thoughts’.

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