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  • “Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.”
    ― Tom Stoppard

    “How strange that the nature of life is change, yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”
    ― Elizabeth Lesser

    Whether you’re facing change by choice or chance, this is your space to access the tools and support you need to make it a wonderful new beginning.

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    snowpea2
    Participant

    Hi was wondering if anyone can help me..I really find it difficult to deal with changes especially surprise change. .. obviously life is full of them …but my hardest ones are usually at work..and I sometimes I just find that I cant deal with the unexpected change..but I I need to kind of swallow and move on with my job  because people are depending on me. Sometimes I’m also upset about it that for the rest of the day I can’t stop thinking about and it’s really hard for me to function…

    In response to snowpea2's post #11383:

    Hello Snowpea,

    You are not alone. Many of us find change difficult. Sometimes I tell my therapy clients (and myself as well for that matter) who are dealing with difficult changes to think of change like a brook flowing through the woods. With each twist and turn there is another view. Some views may be panoramic, grand, and awe inspiring while other views may be small, meditative, comforting, and relaxing. Then of course the seasons effect the nature of the brook. During autumn colorful leaves are swept along the waters of the brook. During the frigid winter months the brook is a solid slippery sheet of ice you can walk and slide upon. During spring and summer the brook provides a lovely chorus as it tumbles over smooth stones in a revelry of enchanting sound. And of course, the waters of the book may be painfully cold to the touch in early spring while being pleasant and calming during mid-summer. In many ways are lives are like that brook twisting and turning and tumbling through the seasons.

    Feel free to be in touch, I’m always available to answer questions.

    Sincerely,

    Binyamin Klempner, MSW

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    snowpea2
    Participant

    In response to Binyamin.Klempner's post #11388:

    thank you for replying…what about sudden change?? ..that’s extremely difficult for me to deal with…for example if all of the sudden I have a meeting that I wasn’t told about….or I was counting on somebody to do something but suddenly decided they can’t?

     

     

     

    In response to snowpea2's post #11389:

    Hi Snowpea,

    Excellent question. I believe it is often a matter of letting go. Of course it is natural to feel agitated, annoyed, and disappointed. In business, if you’re dealing with employees who aren’t dependable, while on the one hand, you might need to reprimand them; on the other hand, if a situation is out of your control then there’s no point of holding onto it. Acceptance of change, especially sudden change, is a major factor in serenity and satisfaction. Here’s the irony: the more we accept the fear and disappointment of change, the less disappointed we are. In the 12-Steps of Recovery from addiction we say the Serenity Prayer:

    G-d, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

    On a sailboat, the direction of the winds may change suddenly, and while you can’t change the direction of the winds, you can adjust the sails.

    Still and all, we’re only human, and disappointment hurts.

    Feel free to reach out again.

    Sincerely,

    Binyamin Klempner, LMSW

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    snowpea2
    Participant

    Of course all what your saying is true and as much as I tell myself those things…It’s like telling someone to go right but then last min go left..so then the person whole time is thinking I’m going right then they have suddenly shift gears and go left…I find it hard just to be able to do that…

    In response to snowpea2's post #11401:

    Hi Snowpea,

    What you’re saying is very common. Many of us have difficulty putting into practice what we know to be true, as well as what we know to be in our own best interest. This is why it is so very important to populate your life with helpful people. Be it family, friends, teachers, sponsors, or a therapist. People who can help you do what you know to be right. In your case, people who can ease the distress and discomfort of sudden change. People who are there for you, members of your fan club cheering you on when sudden change occurs.

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