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  • What is one supposed to do when they are falling apart because barely time to eat and definitely not enough time to sleep and even when in bed brain is so wired from a packed day that impossible to sleep more than 4 or 5 hours? Currently working full time and dating seriously, both of which takes up massive chunks of time, plus there is laundry and dishes and other responsibilities. How do I manage? And even the very short very occasionally breaks I sort of allow myself cause guilt because so much to get done always. Even when I sit I’m taking care of something. The responsibilities seem to grow not diminish I need advice please on how to recharge

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    Any advice anyone?

    Thanks for reaching out PhilosophicalTzadik and sharing your struggle.

    It sounds like your life feels chaotic due to competing responsibilities and a lack of time for self care. I want to point out that the lack of time for self care is contributing to life feeling so chaotic. It’s a perpetual cycle. Getting more done, means less self care, which means life feels more chaotic and so on. Therefore, getting more done cannot be your solution and your post reflects your understanding of that – awesome!

    Therefore, the solution is to prioritize your emotional health which will then allow for your work, dating life, and all other responsibilities to feel and be more manageable.

    When I say self care, I don’t mean you need to have a spa day or binge watch your favorite show. I do suggest starting with getting adequate sleep consistently (6-8 hours), followed by fueling yourself with nutritious food consistently etc. These are basics for human optimal function and they qualify as self care on the most basic and imperative level.

    Considering that you are managing to hold down a job, date, and take care of other responsibilities, I trust that once you understand the importance of putting your emotional health first you will find a way to make that happen.

    Lastly, you may want to carve out 5 minutes of your day (preferably am with sunshine!) to take a walk in nature without any stimulation (no phone, music etc.). Practice just being, watching your thoughts, appreciating the vastness of the world and nature. This is one of my favorite daily practices. I find it to be grounding and a wonderful ROI considering it’s just 5 minutes a day.

    I believe in you and I am rooting for you!


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    Thank you for taking the time to respond. I of course agree with you bit I still have something I’d like to say which is 1. Getting a normal amount of sleep is vital and I see myself going down from getting 3 4 or 5 hours a night because even if I do go to bed at 11 or 12 since have to wake up at 7 I won’t fall asleep until 2 or so because I’m so wired. How do I deal with it? Also do you have any suggestions, aside from walking, that are easy to fit in one’s schedule yet promote mental health?

    I’m super sick right now because I had such a stressful week of go go go


    I am so glad you agree sleep is vital and the first step.

    My suggestions:

    1. No technology access 1.5-2 hours before bed
    2. Take 5-10 minutes to journal/brain dump on paper  before bedtime. You can keep this journal/ notebook near your bed so you can jot something down if needed after you did a brain dump.
    3. Drink a sleepy time tea before bed, perhaps while listening to some soothing (non lyrics) music and journaling. The YOGI company has a good sleepy time tea. It’s called Sleepy Time.
    4. MOST IMPORTANTLY: Once in bed, remind yourself this mantra: I do NOT need to sleep, I just need to REST. That is actually the truth, so you can really take the pressure off.
    5. If feeling restless in bed, Read a book like Living Emunah (if that’s your thing) or another light feel good book that is not stimulating or anxiety provoking.
    6. Try to keep the temperature cool wherever you sleep.

    I hope this helps. Feel free to let us know how it goes, we care and we’re here!


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    Those are great suggestions I really really appreciate it

    All the best

    My pleasure. Rooting for you!


    You have a lot on your plate!  Aside from dating being very time consuming, it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

    I encourage you to look at self care as fuel for your car; realizing that it is an important means to an end.  If you don’t take the time to fill your car with gas, your car will stop running.  It will break down.  It’s the same thing with self care.  If we want to have the energy, stamina, wherewithal, and presence of mind that we need to do our jobs, date, and take care of all of our other responsibilities, we need to take the time to provide self care.

    If you only have a couple minutes a day to do self care, (like you don’t have enough time to fill your entire tank with gas), then at least put in as much as you need to get yourself to where you need to, before you need to fill up again.

    Self care can be small things, like taking a walk, meditating and focusing on your breath for a few minutes, listening to relaxing music, etc.  The list is endless!

    Good luck! Rooting for you!

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