- This topic has 34 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by
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What are your thoughts about seeing a therapist of the opposite gender? A male to see a female therapist or a female seeing a male therapist?
It’s a hard thing to answer without knowing both the the client and the therapist. It depends (sometimes on the stage) and definitely on the health and boundaries of both the therapist and client. You also want to make sure it won’t hinder your ability to be honest due to your discomfort, but these are all things that can be discussed if it’s the right person. Good luck! It may be a good idea to ask daas torah as well if you have doubts..
-Anonymous WhatsApper
I can only speak for myself here, but I would be way to busy with sexual thoughts, fighting them, or being uncomfortable sharing other feelings of the sort, that it would be pretty pointless for me…
-Anonymous WhatsApper
I always was afraid of seeing a male therapist to be in a super vulnerable place. As my trauma was mainly from males, but recently. I worked with a male phyciatrist and he is so safe and healthy and encourages that my trust should be earned and encourages listening to that voice that says not to trust males because it protects… but Ive learned its not the male vs female its healthy vs unhealthy.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
I once had a therapist who was a rabbi and I saw him around my community, it didn’t work out at all for a few reasons that I wasn’t able to grasp, it was my first therapy ever and I didn’t know what I wanted what I was doing etc. I think one reason I kept things from him was because I felt he couldn’t relate at all. And I don’t like Jewish therapists. Now I have an amazing therapist she isn’t Jewish and I feel like I can share a lot with her and she’s not judging. For me there was many factors than just the gender difference but I think a huge thing is that you feel you can relate to the therapist. That’s my opinion.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
It may be good and it may not. We bh have such a big network of therapists available, make the effort to find one that you can relate to without worrying about the uncomfortable situations that may arise.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
I saw a male therapist for about a year and it worked out very well for me. I felt he had a much more direct approach which I liked. There were a few things which I didn’t feel comfortable discussing with him because I didn’t think that he would be able to understand. Good luck, and never give up. The journey of healing may be a very bumpy road, but it is also the most beautiful one.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
My personal opinion is that I feel more understood and validated by someone who has the capacity to have similar challenges like me.
Additionally I would be triggered with sexual thoughts and feelings so it would only bring me down instead of having a positive effect.-Anonymous WhatsApper
I would definitely ask a rabbi before taking such a step. You’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable position with someone of the opposite gender. You would also need to ask about hilchos yichud in a therapeautic environment. Is that something that a therapist would be able to take care of?
Additionally, being romantically attracted to your therapist is another potential sticky point. For all these reasons and more, I would think very carefully and ask a Shailah before using a therapist who’s a different gender. Good luck!-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14038:
I agree! I would feel uncomfortable sharing certain things.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
I see a male therapist and feel he’s more compassionate as he has to admit he can’t ever know exactly how I feel as a woman . He can also at the same time respond to situations in a marriage from a male point of view
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14038:
Wow I like this perspective a lot. Also for me since I was sexually abused as a little kid by a family member. Every time I’m alone with a male I start freaking out that he’s going to do something and I’m not going to cry out for help or even try to stop it. I think I would be scared if I had therapy with a male in person
-Anonymous WhatsApper
As Yidden, it’s important to consider that seeing the same gender therapist is absolutely recommended. But there are exceptions to the rule, I was an exception for a decade… But one needs to be extra careful when doing so… Boundaries! Boundaries from both sides, therapist and client… We could probably write a book on this topic…
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14044:
It’s not an issue if the therapist isn’t Jewish. And many times therapy is online so none of these issues here would come up.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
