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    Whenever I let my mind flow

    To my childhood many years ago

    I feel this huge lump in my throat

    I feel disconnected almost remote

    It causes me so much pain

    Like an open wound in which the scars remain

    I’m standing on a platform

    Amidst a huge storm

    Where people are passing by with a clear destination

    And i’m caught in a whirlwind of emotion

    Watching through the blur

    With longing deep in my core

    Of being a part

    Of connecting through my heart

    Of understanding the human passion

    Of empathy, love and compassion

    My heart has been shut

    Buried deep in a secret rut

    Feelings were locked away

    Forever there to stay

    With no access

    Covered with layers of stress

    And when the night would blanket the sky

    I would visit my turmoil and cry

    All the neglect would surface

    From my hidden place

    It would overwhelm my entire being

    Where I  felt like emotionally fleeing

    I had this inner need

    My tremendous lack to feed

    With warmth and care

    And kindness everywhere

    To speak the language of the human race

    A gentle touch and a soft embrace

    I felt excluded from all this beauty

    Unfit and left out of this community

    Wondering in despair

    So fuzzy and unclear

    What am I missing what is wrong

    That I don’t feel like I belong

    That I need to give and never to get

    To constantly be grateful and never upset

    And while I would stand on the side

    With this empty feeling inside

    Convinced that I will never know the key

    How to enter a world so joyful and carefree

    I realized that I will need to nourish my soul

    With a realistic goal

    Of just watching the view

    Of not knowing the clue

    The ingredient so elusive

    Of warm interactions in a club so exclusive.


    But now from and adult perception

    I know that all I have endured all the frustration

    Has led me on a path so genuine and real

    Of being a support to others and their pain to feel

    I know that actions that appear rough

    Are a disguise of a life really tough

    And because of the hardships that I have had to fight

    I will notice a person in pain and I will try to ease their plight

    Because beneath the clouds there is a sun

    And when you share with others you benefit in the long run.

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    Avocad0e, that was so well written and with such emotion. I’m truly happy to see that you have used your pain and hard times to grow and help others. That’s amazing and so so beautiful.

    I also often wish I could get more love, more care and more understanding from my family. And, as you pointed out, we need to give that to ourselves and nourish that part of ourselves. When you title “the trauma of growing up with emotional neglect” do you mean that you weren’t validated for showing your emotions? Just trying to understand.

    Kol Hakavod to you for fighting and being who you are!!

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    Topic Author

    Thank you for your kind words! I grew up in a family where there was a lot of stress and anxiety. I picked up vibes at a very young age that my emotional needs will not be met so I buried it all. I was basically the caretaker of the family. I didn’t even realize what I was missing. I was on survival mode all my growing up years. When I got married and started raising a family of my own it all came crashing in on me and I couldn’t manage anymore. But b”h I have worked through a lot of things that I have not dealt with as a child.

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    Wow some talent you have avocado. To put all this pain into words. Thank you for sharing.

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    @avacado your absolutely amazing! I just can’t stop reading  it, I feel like crying. There is so much emotion in it.Thanks for sharing it


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    @avacado I found this poem very inspirational, may I share it with siblings/friends outside this forum?

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    Topic Author

    Yes for sure! The reason that I posted here is to share my feelings so that others can gain.

    @avocado thank you so much for sharing this with us. So inspiring and beautifully written!

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    Beautiful poem! It’s a great way to put down your thoughts and emotions, and somehow you managed to rhyme, too.

    As I am still in such a situation, and I have only just started dealing with, the only thing I can offer you is the knowledge that others feel the same, and I appreciate the hope you put in at the end. It’s that spirit of giving that can make us better people, and good for you for taking that pain and utilizing it to help others.

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    @red4 sorry that you’re in this situation. At least you’re up to dealing with it. I hope things get easier but often times in these situations things get harder before they get easier. rooting for you!

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    Thank you so much for sharing this touching poem. i think many people experience this but it takes so much time and healing to be able to put words to this painful experience let alone in a beautiful succinct poem. wow.

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    Wandering Jew

    A rather beautiful, moving description of your journey.

    A long while back in therapy, I was working on vulnerability and mother issues with an amazing human being.

    As we broached the area, my therapist sent me an article which eloquently described what a mother’s love is, and why it was always there for us even when we could not get to it.

    I was (and still am) deeply touched by the profound beauty and truth of the message.

    I don’t know if the following blog relates to what you have been through (though I do hope it does), but I hope that you find solace in the purity and humanity of it

    Here is the link.

    This is Why You Couldn’t Feel Her Love For You

    P.S. I checked with Fay Brezel before posting something from an outside source, and she gave it her full-hearted approval.

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    @wandering jew thank you for the link, it’s a powerful message!

    I’m wondering is it normal to feel that I’m not ready to accept love  from the person who hurts me(and everyone around) if that “miracle” ever happens?

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    @Wandering Jew, I was going to immediately respond to your post and say that there is no article that can explain why my mother is incapable of love (maybe she was at one point, but no longer). But I clicked on the link you posted and it was an interesting perspective that actually answered a question I wasn’t sure I wanted to ask. On the other hand, I don’t think I will ever get that love from her, and it was a sad day when I accepted that but it gave me peace because I no longer feel the need to try so hard. (I still do sometimes, because, well, mommy issues, but it’s gotten better for me–even if not for her.)

    : yes that’s normal. A bond of trust was broken, and accepting that bond again leaves you vulnerable to more hurt, which is a situation most people are reluctant to put themselves in. It can happen. and the miraculous love may be real, but it will take a lot more work to reach it, and continuous effort to maintain it.

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    Thank you for sharing!

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)

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