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    Chavy
    Participant

    My family is hosting quite a few of our family members for Chol Hamoed and the last days. Most are immediate, but one is not. I’m finding it very hard to “keep up” with the conversation. For example, it’s hard to know when to add my comments in and so on. And, because it’s so frustrating for me (and it reminds me of my schooling years), I become passive-agressive and end up being quite. I guess I’m looking for ways to be less “into” myself and monitoring my thoughts and feelings as well as others.

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    Chany
    Participant

    Hey, whats so bad about being quite? Does it bother you or do you just think and feel pressured to talk more due to external expectations?

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hi Chany, nothing is wrong with being quite. But, I like to have a balance of being quite and being heard and seen. I don’t like talking about myself as in “broadcasting” (about my job, things I’ve written), and it’s so hard to know when to insert a comment… I don’t mind talking about myself when there’s an opening and someone asks me. There’s no pressure for me to talk. I just want to feel heard and seen and it’s hard when there are lots of people, b”H. My therapist has told me that I can’t wait for others to give me a “grand welcome” and initiate. I need to, though it’s hard bc I don’t want to “broadcast” and it’s my comments can get lost with others’ comments. I’ve always struggled with “keeping up” in group settings, like elmenetary and high school.

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    Chany
    Participant

    oh i hear you. thanks for explaining that more clearly. Yes its a balance and now i get the title of your post. How did it work out in the end? were you able to use this setting over second days pesach to practice initiating?

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hi Chany, my pleasure and thank you for asking. So i spoke to my sister in law about how I was feeling and she told me (which i knew already) that I can’t wait for others to bring me in and I need to initiate. Though i knew that, her softness and validation really helped me. I felt more accepted and propelled to enter conversations or just to listen. The hard part is when others aren’t aware of your reality (what’s hard for you, your situation) and you need to do the work without getting a push!

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    Chany
    Participant

    Yes, that’s so true. It’s so much easier when you have people around who know your weak spots and can help you as you try to challenge them. I’m so happy you were able to use her support.

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