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    snowpea2
    Participant

    Hi so I have this challenge that I’m not even really sure where it goes but it’s starts with anxiety…

    When I get anxious and overwhelmed which am often.  I ended up sharing that with whom I’m around. Alot of times. I really don’t want to share with that person. Also it’s really not good for me and I’ve seen through out the years that I’m losing friends from that because they Frankly don’t want to hear. I think I do this when I get comfortable with someone that how I work.. I share what’s going on. Also I get so anxious sometimes that all my anxiety comes spilling out and I end just needing to destress by talking? So what can I do to help myself in theses situations? Because I just end up talking too much?

     

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Hmm!
    First, I think it’s important to acknowledge that this is so normal and common. I talk about myself a lot, and thank gd, my friends are okay with it.

    But the first thing that comes to mind when reading your question is mindfulness. Perhaps you can pause, and slowly train yourself to notice when you start talking about yourself and when it becomes excessive. You can even share that you tend to talk a lot about yourself and ask if the other person can let you know if it’s getting much for them. To help that person feel comfortable, you can mention that you genuinely want to know because you’ve seen this pattern and want to change it.

    Then, self compassion and being kind to yourself comes in. Quite frankly, I talk about myself all the time (b”H my friends who I share with are okay with it) so I know what you mean! We’re all struggling, and it’s a balance to achieve.

    I hope that helps you!

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    snowpea2
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you for replying..yes that’s sounds like some good advice. Unfortunately though I don’t have that many friends and I have already ruined a number of relationships be use of this… obviously no one told me…but I’m finally realizing too late.

    But another challenge that  I realized that when I’m stressed and anxious I just bluey out what ever is on mind to who ever is there!  And it’s very hard because I know that it’s not good for me to do that but just happens.

    snowpea2, your self- awareness is commendable! I believe that you are 80% of the way there! Once you are aware of what’s not working for you and you want to be accountable for it, you’re really almost there!

    It sounds so painful and lonely to have lost some friends and must feel horrible to realize that your actions might have caused it. You are not alone.

    Two thoughts I would love to share.

    When you feel anxious and are stressed, the two most important questions you can ask yourself are 1- “how do I feel” and 2- “what do I want“. When you are able to tune into your own feelings and desires, you will be empowered to take an action that serves you best in the moment. You might realize that all you need is some deep breaths, a drink of water, to journal or take a nap. You can then do just that as opposed to your default of over- sharing.

    Also, when you feel the need to share something with someone, ask yourself the following question: “Is it worth the cost“. Is what you’re about to share going to cost you something that’s too high of a price to pay for the momentary gain?

    I have found these self awareness questions keep me tuned in to my true self and do things that empower me.

    I’m rooting for you and know you can do this!

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    snowpea2
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Rivky Dasheff's post #12087:

    thank you Rivky!! Your words are very helpful! I find that sometimes especially when I’m very anxious..it’s hard for me ..to stop and recenter myself and my thoughts just keep going on and and I just need to talk to everyone about everything.. I’m slowly trying work on making better boundaries for myself.

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