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    TTBB
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    Hi! How can a parent make a shopping outing with young children more pleasurable? Without children tantruming in the stores that they want “this and that”.

    I want to strike the right balance between being giving to my children and not spoiling them. I feel that they do not have to get a small gift each time we go to Target to pick up some household basics- ( FYI: the cheapest item there is about $8).

    Is it best to just avoid taking children shopping? Or is it best to expose them to these experiences and teach them to be happy and content without always getting a nosh or a prize?

    I would love to hear what other parents do:-)

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    Chany
    Participant

    I definitely think avoiding is not the way to go. i would say to try to use it as a learning experience that shopping with mom doesn’t mean treat getting. At my place its a treat to go along and the treat is in the experience not in the getting. Sometimes we get a small family treat ex. fun cereal, cute book, but its because i decided not because they tantrum. Tantrum for things=not going along next time. Maybe this is too rigid but it works most of time.

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    Wandering Jew
    Participant

    “Tantrum for things=not going along next time. ”

    It appears to me that the advice above invokes the following principle: There are no punishments; only natural consequences. When the understanding is given over(assuming that he/she is old enough to comprehend) that:

    1-Mommy needs to go shopping in Target and throwing a tantrum does not allow Mommy to easily do that.

    2-If/When the child pushes the boundaries/tests the water, the consequence is lovingly enforced.

    3- Then he learns what the boundaries are and thereby respects them, leading to successful communication

    From my experience, I have seen that children tests boundaries because they are don’t know the “rules of relating” to other people, and are actively learning by conducting an experiment (so to speak).

    Furthermore, creating boundaries for/giving structure to children gives them a sense of security and safety that they need.

     

    “Tantrum for things=not going along next time. ” It appears to me that the advice above invokes the following principle: There are no punishments; only natural consequences. When the understanding is given over(assuming that he/she is old enough to comprehend) that: 1-Mommy needs to go shopping in Target and throwing a tantrum does not allow Mommy to easily do that. 2-If/When the child pushes the boundaries/tests the water, the consequence is lovingly enforced. 3- Then he learns what the boundaries are and thereby respects them, leading to successful communication From my experience, I have seen that children tests boundaries because they are don’t know the “rules of relating” to other people, and are actively learning by conducting an experiment (so to speak). Furthermore, creating boundaries for/giving structure to children gives them a sense of security and safety that they need.

     

    Really like this and agree! ty for sharing

    It depends on the age of the child, but you can often tell a child in advance that “We are going shopping and there will be no treats today.” That just helps manage expectations. If a child cries, whines or screams for a treat once in the store, that’s okay; young children do that. As long as THE PARENT is not having the meltdown, all is well. People may not like it, but they understand that kids are kids. You may have to leave the store so as not to impose an unpleasant racket on other shoppers, but don’t give in to the child’s performance. Once a child learns that his behavior will not get you to change your mind or to give him lots of attention (through threats, reprimands, pleading, bribing or any other channel), he’ll gradually stop having shopping tantrums.

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    TTBB
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    Topic Author

    Thank you so much for sharing all your perspectives. I think I will be more prepared for our next shopping outing:-)

    It depends on the age of the child, but you can often tell a child in advance that “We are going shopping and there will be no treats today.” That just helps manage expectations. If a child cries, whines or screams for a treat once in the store, that’s okay; young children do that. As long as THE PARENT is not having the meltdown, all is well. People may not like it, but they understand that kids are kids. You may have to leave the store so as not to impose an unpleasant racket on other shoppers, but don’t give in to the child’s performance. Once a child learns that his behavior will not get you to change your mind or to give him lots of attention (through threats, reprimands, pleading, bribing or any other channel), he’ll gradually stop having shopping tantrums.

    This makes great sense. Thank you for sharing that perspective. I think adults may feel embarrassed when children have meltdowns and see it as a negative reflection of themselves. This in turn causes us to give in to what the child wants -perpetuating the cycle. It is helpful when you reframe it like this “that’s ok, young children do that”.

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