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    I don’t like the way I look I feel ugly I feel fat I feel as if I look old unattractive and wrinkly and I’m in a lot of pain . Could use some guidance on how to get rid of all of this.

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    Dana Rosenberg


    I’m sorry to hear about your struggle. Your pain comes through clearly.

    Unbelievably, your question and your participant name already provides a critical piece of the answer…in other words, this answer is coming from you, not anyone else! Deep inside you are truly a ‘princess’, but just a bit lost. You also write in a language that indicates a struggle to separate yourself-the royal princess who you really are-from your feelings about yourself. ‘I feel’ certain emotions and ‘I feel as if’ is very different from actually being that thing or feeling.

    Hashem created each person with a body and a neshama-a soul and they are meant to help each other on the journey in this world. No external feeling or state of being can ever be powerful enough to negate your beautiful and precious neshama. Our job in this world is to realize that we are really our neshama-our body is the holder so to speak.

    That being said, since our body houses such a precious soul it is appropriate and necessary to care for our body-the Torah discusses this. An objective reality check should consist of questions such as: Am i at a medically appropriate weight? Can i incorporate some light, enjoyable exercise into my daily schedule if i have not done so yet? What can i do to make myself look, and thus feel, more beautiful? Even if your pain is emotional (you do not specify if it is physical or not) taking small steps towards self care can go a long way towards emotional health as well. And if none of this seems to help after a few weeks or so, consider reaching out for emotional assistance to help determine where these feelings are emanating from. Rest assured that you are not alone with these feelings. There is much hope in regaining peace within and finding that beautiful, precious princess whom you really are.

    Best wishes,

    Dana Rosenberg, Enneagram Life Coach

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    Malka Katzenstein

    It doesn’t feel good to have negative feelings about appearance! Negative feelings about how we look are just that- feelings, not fact. Feelings result from thoughts and the good news is that we can change our thoughts. It requires some inner work as well as learning and applying new tools, including challenging some of your current beliefs. You mentioned pain- is this emotional pain because of the way you feel about how you look, or are you also experiencing physical pain? They can be related and that is difficult. Feel free to contact me if you’d like to learn more about how you can feel better about how you look!

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