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    Fern Weis
    Participant

    My daughter, living in Israel for 8+ years now, is struggling with depression, anxiety and alcohol.  Her life has become unmanageable.  We are looking for recommendations for mental health and addiction treatment options and professionals.  She lives in Beersheva.

    Although we cannot force her to do anything (she is 29), we will offer our help to take steps and find resources, if and when she is willing.  There will also be some personal boundary-setting, as I am also feeling hopeless and helpless in the face of all this, and the late-night, alcohol-influenced calls.  I don’t take the words personally, I recognize that she is not in her right mind.  But the calls are beyond distressing, and constant reminders of the chaos of her life.  I cannot go down with her.  (Yes, I am talking to a therapist/family recovery coach.)

    If she were living here in the US, logistics of her life and investigating resources would be easier.  Being 6,000 miles away is a big monkey wrench.  And now, unlike the past,  when she is clear-headed, she seems to be less and less able to handle her daily affairs.  She has also not been working for many months.

    She is wonderful, funny, smart, compassionate, and so very lost. My  heart is breaking.  I’m working hard at focusing on today, and what I can do today.  It feels like next to nothing. So for now, I’m preparing for when and if she agrees to seek help.

    Thank you so much for any resources or connections you can provide. (You can also reach me at my personal email, fgweis@gmail.com.)

    Hi Fern,

    Thank you for sharing so candidly and trusting this platform with your thoughts, feelings, and queries.

    The pain you describe is heartbreaking yet so understandable. Your daughter is lucky to have you as her mom, someone who can stay strong for her, not go down with her, and be able to support her if and when she’s ready.

    Regarding resources in Israel, I am aware of a couple-

    1. A platform called gethelpisrael.com where you can search for verified professionals throughout israel with their specialties etc.

    2. Retorno is a Jewish rehab facility in israel offering detox, recovery, outreach and prevention. Retorno.org

    3. Relief referral resources has an Israel facilitator

    Mordechai Pindrus is the contact for Israel referrals

    Email: mpindrus@misgav.org

    Phone: 011-972-2-580-8008

    You can find more info on their website reliefhelp.org

    I will keep thinking of other options. In the meantime, feel free to let me know what was/wasn’t helpful.

    My thoughts are with you!

    Warmly,

    Fay

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    Banana
    Participant

    Hi Fern,

    My heart goes out to you and your daughter when I read your post! As @Fay said, your daughter is lucky to have a mother like you.

    I just wanted to add a thought that I hope will provide you with some relief. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they can start climbing up. I see this on a constant basis with children who stray from the Jewish religion and other scenarios. Before they hit rock bottom, they’re still trying to float and everyone around them is trying to keep them going. They don’t even get to look at themselves and realize their own desire to recover. Once they realize their own desire, they can climb and recover so much faster. These people come out so much better and stronger because they know who they are now. (I sometimes find myself being jealous of people who’ve hit rock and pulled themselves out as they are so “real” and are so comfortable with themselves.) I am so certain that your daughter will one day very soon give you much happiness and pride. Until then, please do things to take good care of yourself – read a book, meditate, go for a walk, do exercise, bike, listen to a TED talk, bake, watch a movie/show. I will keep you in my prayers. All you can do now is let your daughter know that you still love her and you can provide the name of professionals to help her.

    I hope this thought helps and that even just opening up on this forum relieved some pain.

    All the best,

    Banana

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    Banana
    Participant

    Hi again,

    Someone told me about this therapist in israel. I have no idea where she is located or what her specialties are – I just know she has helped people and she is located in Israel. Perhaps she can provide someone she believes can help in this area. I’m sorry I only have an email address for her. All the best!

    Linda Holtz

    lholtz1118@gmail.com

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    Fern Weis
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Dear Banana and Fay,

    Thank you for your kind compassion and recommendations.  Your words brought me to tears.  Little by little my anxiety will lessen, I hope, as we gather information and attempt to focus on ourselves.

    And if you know of  a good life/recovery coach who works with the under-35 crowd, that is appreciated, too.  If there is someone, anywhere, to whom she will talk, that would be a wonderful start. As my therapist said, it doesn’t matter who it is (or what title they have). It’s a start (for someone who is seriously resistant to sharing with anyone but me).

     

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    Banana
    Participant

    It was my greatest pleasure, @FernWeiss. I’m so happy my words were able to help a bit.

    I believe the name I posted does work with that age group and I’m sure she’d know someone who does and even who specializes in the areas your daughter can use help. Did she say otherwise?

    Your therapist is so right – the main thing is to get to speak and open up to someone – just venting and discussing helps a ton. But it’s also important if possible to make sure it’s someone who’s professional and educated so that your daughter doesn’t get discouraged and has a positive outlook on therapy. An unprofessional therapist that ruin her outlook. Don’t stress over it though. Please keep us posted on the most important part – what you’re doing to be good to yourself!!

    All the best,

    Banana

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    Fern Weis
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Today I went to an AlAnon meeting.  It is the calmest one hour I’ve had all week.

     

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    Banana
    Participant

    So proud of and happy for you!! Keep it up!! What are you going to do for yourself next?

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    alwaysworried
    Participant

    Hey Fern, I’m sorry you have to go through this. I don’t know specific referrals in Israel but i want to give you a virtual pat on the back for the fact that you’re trying to stay strong. The meeting you went to was such a smart move. What a great way to get support and be able to let down your guard and be vulnerable with people who understand. I hope you can catch another one this week. Also, i think doing other things to distract from the pain would be so great too. I’m sure you know all the tips and tricks but sometimes a friendly reminder is a helpful. Thinking of you.

    I’m glad we were able to provide some relief. Great idea to go the meeting. Like always worried shared, anything to do to distract in a healthy way and incorporate joy daily would be wonderful. I hope some of the referral sources work out. Feel free to keep us posted.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    @FernWeis I’m sorry to hear about your pain in your daughters situation. I echo what the others have said about your daughter being lucky that you’re not in rescue mode and yet still willing and able to try to be available in a healthy way.

    I was going to suggest AlAnon and I’m glad you are already there.

    All the best!

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    Banana
    Participant

    Hi @fernweis, I hope all is well by you. I was just listening to this amazing book on Audible (disclaimer: Audible is my new little obsession – reading books while I drive lol) and I thought of your post here. How you probably need to “detach in love” from your daughter. When I came back here just now to find your thread – I remembered you already said you went to an AlAnan meeting – so you already sort of touched on the codependence… but I think this book would be great for you. All the best 🙂

    https://www.audible.com/pd/Codependent-No-More-Audiobook/B002V8H88G?ref=a_lib_c4_libItem_5_B002V8H88G&pf_rd_p=ae76b2bb-e63d-4a67-b357-dab3dee05ca1&pf_rd_r=K074G7TGQRXZQ9KVHADD&

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    alwaysworried
    Participant

    In response to Banana's post #5276:

    Thanks for sharing! Ive heard it recommended before but never took the time to listen. Maybe now i will…

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    Banana
    Participant

    In response to alwaysworried's post #5295:

    Awesome!

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    Carver
    Participant

    Sending thoughts and prayers from me and my family.

    I have no idea what you must be going through, but I know you wouldn’t be able to stand it if you didn’t love your daughter so much. Just as Fern says, she’s lucky to be able to call you her mother.

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