skip to Main Content
  • Viewing 11 posts - 16 through 26 (of 26 total)
  • Profile Photo
    Leebi
    Participant

    In response to if-the-stars-align's post #13190:

    Please! Don’t be sorry! I’m happy to draw on my own experience if it can give chizuk to others! But although I’m going through my own mental illness and home situation, as hard as I try, I may not be able to understand fully what you are going through as a single girl. That’s my disclaimer there. Anyway, I used to not be able to talk about these things until a friend opened up to me about her struggles and told me about an organization that she joined called Chazkeinu. It’s a worldwide peer support organization started by someone who herself experienced her own mental illness. If you are in therapy, there’s a possibility that you can join. I’ve been part of it for 3-4 years, and it really helped me overcome my self-stigma and shame about my mental illness. With the help of Chazkeinu, I learned that shame doesn’t have to stop me from doing what I need to do to heal. I’m still ashamed when people make comments, but Baruch Hashem I’m mostly not ashamed by myself.

    About being lazy, I was told many times throughout my life how lazy I am. Whether it was not getting out of bed, not doing something I was supposed to do… And I believed them. Until I realized, with the help of Chazkeinu, that mental illness is a condition of the brain. It’s not something someone initially chooses in this world. It has to do with chemicals in the brain that are imbalanced. It doesn’t matter whether it’s due to nature or nurture/experiences- as far as I know, the brain’s response is basically the same. The idea is that whatever you are going through is not your fault! Hashem gave you this experience to heal from, grow from and then give chizuk to others. Just like a person who, Chas V’shalom, has a physical illness needs to go to doctors, and many times medication, and keep as healthy as possible in the situation to fight it to get better, someone with mental and/or emotional illness has to do their part in terms of going to a therapist, psychiatrist if recommended, stay on top of medication as much as possible, and in both situations, physical and emotional, work on Emunah and Bitachon, because that also promotes healing. There are 3 parts to that point, each of which is a shiur in and of itself: First step is belief in Hashem that He can do anything. After that comes belief in yourself that you can get through this with Hashem’s help by being proactive in your recovery. Third comes belief in others that they can overcome their own nisyonos. I’m in middle of reading a book by Esther Stern, the author of “Just One Word Amen,” called “Just One Word Emunah.” It’s basically a step-by-step guide to achieving Emunah and Bitachon in Hashem and appreciating His greatness.

    About your feelings of anger and resentment, remember that it’s a VERY normal response for anyone who’s been through their share of painful experiences. The first step in reigniting that relationship with Hashem is to tell Hashem how you feel. Tell him how angry you are! In any real, close relationship, there are ups and downs. There are times of connection, and times of disconnection. There are times of love, times of hate, and times where there’s a mixture of both. In any relationship, the best way to work out a disagreement is to talk it out with each other. So, talk it out with Hashem, He’ll understand! He’s the one who put you in the situation in the first place, and He’s the one who will take you out! Hashem wants to hear from you! Remember that you are doing the best that you know how to do in the situation, applaud yourself for that, and Hashem and His Malachim will too! And the way to channel your suffering is through Tefilla. And the way to be able to greet Moshiach is to wait for him. Of course, you try your best in your Avodas Hashem, but remember, B’derech SheAdam Rotzeh Leileich Molichin Oso- Hashem leads a person on the path on which he wants to go, and Hashem says I forgot where, “Pischu Li Pesach K’Chudo Shel Machat Va’ani Eftach Lachem Pesach  K’Pischo Shel Ulam”- Open for Me an opening the size of the sharp point of a needle and I will open up for you an opening the size of the 2 story doorway of the Ulam of the Beis Hamikdash. If you try, just a teeny bit, the possibilities are endless of what you can accomplish with Hashem’s help!

    One more thing (for now…): It doesn’t matter what stage you’re at in life- A person always has to work on their relationship with Hashem in order to have one!

    I hope I wasn’t invalidating your feelings in any way, and I hope this helps! Thank you for being so brave and sharing your true feelings!

    P.S. I started writing this shortly after I got the message about your reply, and then I got messages that other people replied, so forgive me if I repeated what someone else said. I don’t have patience going back, sorting through what I wrote, and deleting what was already said.

    P.P.S. I feel like such a Rebbetzin giving too much mussar. So much for my advice about not calling yourself names… Just to show that I’m not perfect either!

    Any feedback- positive or negative- would be appreciated!

    Profile Photo
    Leebi
    Participant

    In response to Rivky Dasheff's post #13202:

    Thank you for your response, and I apologize if my previous response was invalidating or triggering to anyone. You are absolutely right about the “I” having to come first. Please don’t take my experience as “This is what you must do to recover.” Baruch Hashem staying with Yiddishkeit helped me, but it doesn’t mean that it works the same way for everyone. I do come from a home where my parents were very strict about us keeping every chumrah of the house, so I have to thank Hashem that I didn’t throw it all away and am still frum. But it did take quite a few years from the time I started my journey of self-discovery to get to the point where I am today. I still have work to do, because there always is work to do as long as we’re alive, but I am so grateful to Hashem that my relationship with Him is intact. That doesn’t mean that I won’t struggle again later in life, or on a hard day, but I’m trying to learn to count my blessings- as many of them as I can count! I think also to appreciate the Brachos you have each day anew is helpful.

    Profile Photo
    FunJester
    Participant

    In response to Rivky Dasheff's post #13202:

    Great points, thank you! It certainly won’t be helpful to talk about it with a therapist who doesn’t want to discuss it with you. Although I think a therapist should follow the lead of the client in the direction they want to use to recovery.

    Profile Photo
    FunJester
    Participant

    In response to if-the-stars-align's post #13190:

    Our lives are fluid and our circumstances constantly changing. So just because something was easy at one point in our lives, doesn’t mean it will be easy in another situation. I definitely found certain aspects of Judaism easier as a kid/teen, probably because we spent the whole day in school focusing on it. Years later I find that some things I was careful in I’m not as careful with now, and that can be disheartening. But on the other hand, I feel like now when I work on my relationship with Hashem it comes with much more effort, which is more rewarding and real. So I think the idea is to find how to connect with Hashem in the way that works for you RIGHT NOW, in your current circumstances, and not to beat yourself up for what you’re not doing.

    Profile Photo
    iamafighter15
    Participant

    In response to Rivky Dasheff's post #13202:

    Wow! That’s so well written and true!!

    I can especially attest to this:

    Your therapist is there to empower you to become your best self and build a healthy relationship with yourself. You as a Jew and your relationship with Hashem will surely follow.

    Thank you so much!!

    Profile Photo
    if-the-stars-align
    Participant

    In response to Leebi's post #13204:

    Thank you, @Leebi for taking the time to write out such a detailed and thought-out response!
    I’ve heard about Chazkeinu and I am familiar with the founder, I have never joined their program although I did recently look into it. Perhaps it’s a good idea for me to revisit. It’s interesting that you say you were told you are lazy when in fact you were just struggling with your MH. That must’ve been very painful. I’m very sorry 🙁
    Funnily, growing up I was always told that because I understood people and the world so well, Hashem expects more from me than the average person. No pressure or anything…
    You’re right about relationships having their ups and downs and the importance of communicating with Hashem – even if it’s just to say that I am feeling angry… Maybe I’m going through a phase of silent treatment lol
    Thanks again for your response. It means a lot.
    Profile Photo
    if-the-stars-align
    Participant

    In response to FunJester's post #13228:

    I never really thought about re-adjusting our relationship to kind of make it work for who I am now – since I definitely changed since I was a teenager. For the better or worse, it is what it is. I think there is a part of me that feels like I don’t deserve a relationship, perhaps because of the changes in my life. But what you said really resonated and gave me what to think about.

    Profile Photo
    rochel
    Participant

    In response to if-the-stars-align's post #13185:

    hi, hatzlacha on your journey and growth, i admire that youre reaching out and very involved in growing and healing

    it is very important and helpful t have a rav, and have mentors though, maybe you’re uncomfortable talking to your shul rav, or local commmunity rabbanim about your mental health, which is very very understandable, there are rabbanim who specialize in advising on mental health and guiding people in therapy, also maybe a rav who doesnt know you personally, but is willing to be that rav for you to go to for these questions would be helpful.

    if the first few you reach out to, you dont feel comfortable sharing with, then maybe ask thm if they can refer you to another,

    Chazkeinu has rabbanim who oversee them, they can be reached out to for questions, but are busy and can be hard to get ahold of

    another idea is maybe a rav who works for an organizationn in your community that deals with mental health in some way (or special needs) because they will have a better understanding of these issues,

    Either way hatzlacha!

     

    Profile Photo
    melissa
    Participant

    This topic is so thought-provoking. I’m marveling at your journeys, your growth, awareness, and the connection you have despite insisting otherwise. 🙂

    I also struggle with connection, and with prayer. I rarely open a siddur. A Tehillim I sometimes do.

    As I’ve learned, the way we are parented ends up being the way we view G-d.

    (Critical mom; we feel He thinks we’re never good enough. Loving parents; we feel loved… Tough father; we see Him as punitive)

     

    I’m lucky that my therapist doesn’t shy away from discussing these topics with me, as she has given me a new way of thinking. I used to approach Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur with numbness, knowing I’m a mess and I can never live up to G-d’s expectations of me. She’s helping me change that. G-d loves us just for being. We don’t have to do anything to deserve His love.

    I still have a lot to learn, and this thread has been such a heartwarming read.

     

    Profile Photo
    klutz
    Participant

    This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.

    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>The general rule of thumb is when you see something in a society that a large scale of people are doing something in one direction it’s usually because it’s the right way to do until things change. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>So let me try to give you some clarity, therapists are like doctors but for mental issues which you go in order to heal your emotions, the same way you wouldn’t expect your dentist to give you a lecture in hashgucha pruties while he’s working to fix your teeth, the same way you shouldn’t expect a therapist to teach you chovos halvavos, it would actually be offensive when therapists become our rabunim from where we get chizuk in yiddishkeit. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Also, torah and yiddishkeit is something you have to learn from a rabbi above you, like the mishnah says: </span><span class=”s2″>משה</span><span class=”s1″> </span><span class=”s2″>קיבל</span><span class=”s1″> </span><span class=”s2″>תורה</span><span class=”s1″> </span><span class=”s2″>מסיני</span><span class=”s1″> </span><span class=”s2″>ומסרה</span><span class=”s1″> </span><span class=”s2″>ליהושע</span><span class=”s1″>… I don’t think most licensed therapists have that mesorah and are able to give you the connection to hashem the right way. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Bottom line: get your expectations in order, and know your therapists position and abilities they can provide you and what they cannot provide you. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>In conclusions I can tell you there’s a ton of so many good and free resources these days where you can get good content on any topic like torahanytime etc. </span></p>
    <p class=”p1″><span class=”s1″>Hatzlacha! </span></p>

    Profile Photo
    klutz
    Participant

    delete

Viewing 11 posts - 16 through 26 (of 26 total)

You must be logged in to to reply to this topic. Not a member yet? Register now!

Back To Top