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ChavyParticipant9 months ago
I’m having massive OCD issues as a result of the new strain. I keep self-monitoring how I’m feeling in relation to covid symptoms, even though my tests came back negative. The clinic I’m at (Ohel) is quite strict, so I’m going a little nuts every time I feel something or someone (family member) says they have a cold or someone near me is coughing. The main reason for all this, is the potential inability to see my therapist in person and over zoom. I don’t mind zoom, but because I feel so close and probably too attached to her, so seeing her over zoom doesn’t give me the same feelings as in person does. I get a “high” when I see her, and zoom doesn’t provide me with that. Just to give some context, I have Borderline, and Dependent Personality Disorder.
Also, my family is going out to eat for my sister’s graduation party, and I’m fiercely against it because.. well, because maybe I’ll catch something. And even if I don’t, I’m constantly on overdrive and assessing how I’m feeling, so that in itself creates physical discomfort which can feel like a sore throat and fever.
My therapist suggested that I go over the steps of Radical Acceptance and accept the possibility that maybe I won’t be able to see her in person. I tried journaling that, but it’s just too hard. The threat is too large. I feel like I NEED to see her in person because it feels more real, and because of the “high” it gives me. She knows all this.
What do I do being that my OCD is in full gear? How do I get off that train?
I’ll probably start to monitor how i’m feeling physically after they come on from the restaurant tonight.
I appreciate all responses.
Fay BrezelAdmin9 months ago
I can hear the distress in your post and I am sorry you’re going through this emotional pain. I wonder if it would be helpful to recognize how this fear and uncertainty is so similar to all forms of fear & uncertainty.
Anything can happen that would make seeing your therapist in person not possible at this time. Perhaps, she finds out that she was in contact with someone that had symptoms, etc, and has to do remote sessions.
You may want to consider and internalize that you are NOT in control. And, while at first, that feels terrifying, once the terror passes you may feel some relief as well as gratitude and appreciation for the gift you currently have of being able to meet with her in person along with all the other gifts your life currently affords you.
Everything is truly a gift and everything is temporary. Instead of focusing your thoughts, attention, and energy on false control, you can use all that mind power to constantly rewire your thoughts to honest gratitude. I know it is easier said than done but it is doable and it only happens thought by thought. No magic pill, person, or approach helps us acquire this. It is a one-thought-at-a-time kind of game.
Alternatively, in case my response did not garner an eye roll yet (haha)… If you want to knock this fear out, how about you do the next 2 weeks’ sessions remotely? Prove to yourself that you CAN do it and then there will be nothing (or much less) to fear.
I believe in you and I am rooting for you!
ChavyParticipantTopic Author8 months ago
Thank you so much for your response, Fay! It’s so hard to give up control because it feels like I have control…
And, thank you for your belief in me 🙂 I really appreciate it!