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    Chavy
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m not sure where this belongs, but I’ve been feeling pretty upset, discouraged and down over the past week. I’ve had more expenses creep up because I had to go off 1 of my insurances and since then, I’ve been obsessively looking for a job – doing everything I possibly can and feeling bad about what I am/am not doing. Meaning, thank G-d I have my regular job, but needing a job and wanting to feel better about myself (and busier!) is/was literally taking over my headspace! Some of the things I did are:

    Making flyers for what I want to do to make more money and sending it everywhere, looking at job ads, posting my flyer on a Jewish job website and sending it to people…

    This is all very very frustrating! Especially after I post my flyer and share it with my friends and get zero responses!!

    And so, last night, I didn’t really feel like doing anything at home, but I wanted company, so I was literally glued to my phone, texting one person and then the next.

    I just want get out of this negative headspace and feel good about myself even if I’m not as busy as I’d like to be (comparing myself to everyone else), and even if I don’t get another small job. Just to trust in Hashem (which I’m working on a lot), accept my situation (which isn’t so bad; my thoughts blow it up), and just be!

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    KayKayMentor
    Participant

    Hi Chavy,

    I definitely can understand how you feel. There have been many times where I felt like I NEEDED to keep myself BUSY or do MORE in order to feel valued as a human being. It is so frustrating when you put so much work and detail into doing something and then you feel like it’s not “working”. Add social comparison to the list and it’s even worse!

    Sometimes we think that in order to cure our loneliness or solve our problems (whatever it may be), that we need to just keep busy and distract ourselves. I find that when we take a step BACK and look at our WHY (why do I want this job? Why do I want to be busy? Why am I needing to hang out with random friends?) then we can figure out our HOW. Now that I know why I want this job or why I want to do this, HOW can I go about doing it better? Without introspection and a deeper understanding of ourselves, our “busyness” can actually be counter intuitive.

    I hope that helps! I wish you much success in your journey!!

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to KayKayMentor's post #8786:

    Wow, this is so insightful and so helpful!

    Thank you so much for your simple yet informative answer! I want to print it out and think about it more 🙂

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    KayKayMentor
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #8798:

    awesome! Let me know how that works!

    Chavy thanks for sharing. Your post stuck a chord!

    This feeling and sentiment is shared my many and we all experience it to varying degrees.

    for the sake of online brevity I’m curious if you have considered doing a bit of volunteer work, just to change things up for a bit when off your regular routine.

    best of luck! hope you find something soon

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hi. So sorry I didn’t answer this till now. I guess if I’m back here, it means I’m thinking obsessively again, which I am 🙁

    I have done volunteer work but not recently. I did do partners in Torah a few years ago, which I actually just got an email from and i’m thinking about doing it. The only reason why I’m hesitant and not grabbing it is bec my moods tend to fluctuate a lot as so does my schedule. Some days or weeks I’m super busy and some days (like today) and trying to see what I can do to feel more occupied. Even though it’s only learning for 30 minutes a week, my emotional mind runs and jumps to “you won’t be able to keep to it” and “it will be too much for you.” But I do really want to do it, especially if I can make a difference – which I’m so obsessed about. My question really is: should I work on being okay being less busy sometimes and being okay with being super busy at times, or should I sign up for it and try it? I know I can always try it, but when I once backed out of a job, my mother told me that I burned my bridges, so that’s definitely in my head now.

    Looking forward to hearing some tips/suggestions.

    Hello Chavy,

    Your struggle is one that I can assure you many of us share. I know I certainly have asked the same question for myself many times. I wonder though if we can try to reframe the question rather than it taking on two polarized options. Right now you are choosing between one anxiety provoking extreme or another. How about a little of both? What about adding a bit to life, so that you are a bit more busy and at times have to be more ok, with the business, but not adding so much so that there are still moments that you may have nothing to do and need to work on the opposite. As with many things in life, we often fluctuate until we find the happy medium. I would suggest checking in with yourself and asking yourself if your thoughts are leaning in a black and white direction. If you find that they are, try to open the question up a bit.

    I hope this is helpful to you,
    Chaya Rochel

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to chayasatt's post #8935:

    Hi Chaya Rochel,

    So I’m trying to come up with a balance, but it’s hard because my intense emotions tend to get in my way… I just signed up for Partners in Torah, so hopefully that will help.

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