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    avacad0
    Participant

    I wrote this and wanted to share it, so that people going through emotional neglect should know that they are not alone.

    Growing up I used to fantasize

    The “picture perfect family” I would visualize

    A father and mother so warm and caring

    With brothers and sister so close and endearing

    A home filled with joy and happiness

    A home devoid of loneliness

    Where feelings are expressed as they come and go

    Not stunted amidst its flow

    Being happy meant a smile on the face

    Where being sad is not a disgrace

    Emotions would be encouraged to display

    Loved unconditionally come what may

    A father who would give me a look of affection

    And I would feel so secure under his protection

    When my heart would break with sorrow

    My mother would say “it will be a better tomorrow”

    She would hug me tight

    And things would start looking again “just right”

    I would know and believe that my parents love to me

    Is not dependent on anything externally

    Where helping around the house was nothing more

    Than accomplishing your designated chore

    Not of being put in charge

    Of carrying a load way too large

    Where A mother was a mother in the fullest sense

    Not just in words used as a pretense

    When I would do wrong and fumble

    Or go through rough patches and stumble

    My parents would be there for me and say

    “My child I love you more and more each day”

    When tears would trickle from my eyes

    They would empathize with me and heed my cries

    Where validation would be the way to succeed

    So that no emotional turmoil should breed

    When things were bright and the sun would shine

    My parents would tell me “I am always glad that you are mine”

    No matter the weather no matter the season

    I would be loved for being “Me” and for no other reason

    I would feel so free, ready to accomplish

    Whatever it is I desire, whatever it is that I wish

    And I would reach heights so great

    With the love of my parents my constant mate

     

     

     

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    alwaysworried
    Participant

    Wow this is so beautifully written and sent chills down my spine. The experience you describe is so painful and unfortunately so common in our circles. Thank you so much for sharing so others can feel less alone.

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    Chany
    Participant

    You’re super talented despite all that trauma, wow. Thank you for sharing this so beautifully. We can al use a reminder to know of what parts of parenting are essential and what to not take for granted.

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    Mouse
    Participant

    @avacad0 thank you so much for sharing this beautiful poem, it really moved me. I grew up in a similar way and this poem has brought me much comfort knowing that i’m not alone. However, i was wondering if it is possible for one to that void, and if so how?

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you! @mouse not sure what you meant, did you mean to avoid the trauma?

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    Mouse
    Participant

    I wanted the know if its possible to fill the void which is created by not being emotionally cared for

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    It is a very painful experience. But with lots and lots of inner work and self care it is possible. I am still working very hard to fill that void.

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    alwaysworried
    Participant

    Yes. i think filling the void is possible with lots of persistent hard work. first becoming aware of the void, then trying to fill it with self love and other healthy relationships and not avoiding the void with destructive habits etc.

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    anonymous
    Participant

    Thank You for sharing, very powerful!

    You express deep feelings,  very clear !

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    Beautiful and moving, @avacad0. And oh, so relatable!

    Have you heard of ACoA?

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you. Is that a support group?

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    It’s a 12-Step group. It’s all about reparenting oneself in ways that just weren’t available as children.

    It is not about blaming our parents for the pain we lived in (or live in), rather it’s about naming it and then changing that today.

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    Fern Weis
    Participant

    OnAndonAnon, are you referring to Adult Children of Alcoholics?  I see posts on the topic on FB.  It’s a wonderful resource.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    Yes.

    Agreed, a wonderful resource. Some of the meetings are also amazing.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    For the benefit of those that may relate, I’m posting the ‘Laundry List’ of Adult Children of Alcoholics (which is not only for children of alcoholics).

    1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
    2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
    3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
    4. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
    5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
    6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
    7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
    8. We became addicted to excitement.
    9. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.”
    10. We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
    11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
    12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
    13. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
    14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)

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