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    anonymousme
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    Hi all, lately I’m really struggling with feeling super down and depressed on motzie shabbas. This feeling starts seeping in around 12 noon on shabbas and gets progressively worse throughout the night. I believe my life is decently fulfilling and I don’t think i have severe or even low grade depression. I do struggle with a lot of anxiety but the feeling on motzie shabbas is more depression than anything else. I wonder if anyone else experiences this and if yes what they do or what I can try that may be helpful?

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    Banana
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      <li class=”d4p-bbp-quote-title”>anonymousme wrote:

    Hi all, lately I’m really struggling with feeling super down and depressed on motzie shabbas. This feeling starts seeping in around 12 noon on shabbas and gets progressively worse throughout the night. I believe my life is decently fulfilling and I don’t think i have severe or even low grade depression. I do struggle with a lot of anxiety but the feeling on motzie shabbas is more depression than anything else. I wonder if anyone else experiences this and if yes what they do or what I can try that may be helpful?

    Hi @anonymousme, I can definitely understand this feeling. I think many of us have it but perhaps on a smaller scale. It is brought down in Chazal that we get a Neshama Yeseira (an additional special soul) for Shabbos and it leaves after Shabbos. I believe that part of this feeling is caused by the loss of the Neshama Yeseira on Motzei Shabbos. Perhaps you already start feeling down on Shabbos at noon in anticipation for this feeling you already know happens after Shabbos. I think it is also basic psychology that all week we are working hard and preparing for Shabbos in great anticipation of shabbos, and when that excitement is all over, it only makes sense to feel down.

    I’m not a professional but I understand your question as I and my family experience the same feeling (maybe on a lower level, but the same feeling). I have given your question some thought. Here are some ideas:

    1. First of all, if what I said above about the Neshama Yeseira and about the basic psychology of the let down after excited anticipation resonates with you, I think it’s important to accept the feeling you are having on Shabbos afternoon and Motzei Shabbos. Don’t try to fight it. Understand that it makes perfect sense to feel this way and accept it. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything to make things better (in fact, I’m going to get to that in the next points) – it just means that you can do self talk and tell yourself that you feel down and ichy and that it’s normal to feel this way. This will help you move forward because you are no longer upset at yourself or trying to figure out why you feel this way and fight it.

    2. I think it’s important to examine your week’s schedule, especially Sundays schedule. Are you over working yourself or are you not working and feeling lonely when the people that keep you busy on Shabbos are gone? Whichever it is, see what you can do to change that.

    3. I think this might be most important – schedule something fun into your Motzei shabbos (preferably outdoors – go out with friends or family to eat – I know you just ate but Melava Malka is a mitzvah – or for a walk, or go to the Painted Pot or Painting Lounge – both of those are in NYC and are different things or go to a nice grocery store, Barnes and Nobles or Starbucks to do some paperwork, etc.). Schedule something on Sunday that you’ll look forward to (meditation if that’s something you like, going to eat out, listening to a TED talk, watching an episode of a show, getting a massage in-house or in a spa, etc.). It doesn’t have to be the same thing every week obviously – but it should be one thing on MS (try really hard to make sure that’s an outdoor activity) and one thing to look forward to on Sunday (can be indoors or outdoors).

    I hope this helps! Hatzlacha.

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    Chavy
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    Hi all, lately I’m really struggling with feeling super down and depressed on motzie shabbas. This feeling starts seeping in around 12 noon on shabbas and gets progressively worse throughout the night. I believe my life is decently fulfilling and I don’t think i have severe or even low grade depression. I do struggle with a lot of anxiety but the feeling on motzie shabbas is more depression than anything else. I wonder if anyone else experiences this and if yes what they do or what I can try that may be helpful?

    Hi Anonymous,

    I can very much relate to your question but in a slightly different way. I often feel empty, blah and feel a deep need to socialize. (This tends to happen at night and on Motzai Shabbos.) But more often than not, it doesn’t happen simply because my friends have different schedules. Those feelings are extremely annoying, frustrating and even painful at times. As Banana pointed out, trying to sit with our feelings is so important though extremely hard to do. I would also take a look at my schedule and see if there’s anything I could attribute my feelings too. I would look at how i fill up my day… Though I’m not really into making myself a schedule (I’m more spontaneous), I’m seeing how important it would be for me to have some sort of order to my day. This is just my personal experience, but i do hope it helps you. Best of luck!!

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    anonymousme
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    Topic Author

    Thank you so much for these responses. @banana I love the way you described the torah perspective and basic psychology aspect to my feeling so down. I like the ideas you suggested and even discussed them with a close family member who can help me implement them and hold me accountable. @chavy yes i totally feel that emptiness too but mostly on a motzie shabat. Im less spontaneous but also hate to make a plan and commit to going out because i hate commitments. Basically the worst of both worlds. Yikes! I like the basic idea of also recognizing them as yucky feelings and sitting with them while also having some schedule or plan that I stick to like banana suggested. Let’s see how this motzie shabbat goes! I’m going to expect and accept the feelings and have some lose or defined plan that I stick to despite the feelings..and i can report back…

    Thank you guys

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    Chavy
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    Good for you Anonymous!! You’re motivating me to make some sort of schedule (after doing mostly nothing today). And sitting with painful feelings is extremely hard and uncomfortable. I’m actually not feeling my best right now and trying to accept/sit with them. It’s mighty hard! Hatzlacha!

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    Banana
    Participant

    Reminder to implement tonight everyone 🙂 and report back if you’d like

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    anonymousme
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Ok so I must report back! Before the start of shabbas I made a pact and plan with a family member that despite feeling anxious depressed and yucky I will structure my motzie shabbat to include exercise, a bit of work/emails catchup, and then turn up the music while we bake and pop fresh popcorn which i made sure we had in the house before shabbat. Of course I still had the regular post shabbat blues (they should name this PSB) but I stuck to plan. Even though it was late by the time I got around to the fun part of my night and i wanted to go to bed and just postpone the plan for next week, I stuck it out and baked and sang along with the music and burnt a batch of popcorn before successfully turning out a second batch. I went to sleep with a warm feeling in my heart and a smile on my face. I was present, spent time with people i love, 9even though there were some difficult people around..) and felt like I worked on myself. I can clearly see how motion sets and influences emotion. And, like they say fake it till you make it. Instead of scrolling through instagram watching others “live” I decided to put the phone away and create a living moment for myself. Thank you guys. I hope it will get easier over time. @chavy hope it went well for you too. Thanks again @banana

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    Chavy
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    Wow!! I’m super impressed Anonymous!! You stuck to your goals even though it was hard and you felt wholesome and satisfied. That’s a huge accomplishment!!

    I didn’t make a plan, but I made sure to be away from my computer (as it eats up time) and I made sure to be down. I mostly cleaned up from Shabbos and then did some reading before falling asleep.

    Instead of scrolling through instagram watching others “live” I decided to put the phone away and create a living moment for myself. 

    Good for you for doing that!! I love how you put it: watching others live… It’s such a good feeling to be totally immersed in an activity and not be thinking about phones and etc. Talking about living in the moment, I read the article on Mindfulness (in the email we get on Fridays) which I absolutely love!! Thank you Fay for it!!

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    Banana
    Participant

    I’m so happy to hear you guys had a better Motzei Shabbos! Good work @anonymousme! @chavy, I’m not sure what you mean by “I made sure to be down” but I think it was great to be away from the computer where MS can easily slip away without feeling good.

    I also love those Friday emails 🙂

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Sorry, I should have written “downstairs” versus my bedroom.

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    Banana
    Participant

    Sorry, I should have written “downstairs” versus my bedroom.

    Got it! No worries 🙂

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    anonymousme
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hey all! thanks so much for the virtual applause and support. @chavy sounds like you did really well too. Computers can be a killer… i hope you’re feeling proud of yourself. Yes i loved the mindfulness piece and thoroughly enjoy the 5PF. they are sweet to the point. thank you.

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