[Hope]

Hi all,

I know it’s normal to miss my therapist between sessions but I’m wondering what I can do lessen those intense feelings of missing her and wanting to be with her when I can’t. I try to distract myself sometimes but sometimes I just miss her so much and feel so sad. I try validating my feelings and don’t push them away but it doesn’t help me. I still miss her and feel sad. I’m probably too dependent on her which is not good. Anyways, I’m wondering what I can do to help myself during these times? I’m open to all suggestions. Thanks!

[Chavy]

Hi @Hope,

How did you know that this is the very thing that I struggle with? I’m also very dependent on my therapist and view her as a motherly figure and someone who can really nurture me.

I don’t really have much to offer other than what you tried, but maybe, instead of running away from those feelings, (maybe you’re doing – I’m not sure), you can try to feel them and experience them with open arms, as if it’s a baby waiting to be cuddled. In other words, really challenging yourself to be okay with the feelings and accepting that they’re going to be there, and at the same time that you’re working on them.

But I would also love for others to chime in and get some support on this, too.

[Hope]

Thank you Chavy for your response.

[Chavy]

You’re welcome. I hope it helped.

[Climber]

I do not have any practical suggestions, but have experienced the same thing. It definitely gets easier with time. With processing. With facing feelings and talking about them in therapy again and again until they subside bit by bit and the agony and dependence is not so overwhelming…. Hang in there.

[Chavy]

Thanks @Climber.
I’ve been doing that.

When you say facing feelings, you literally mean to lean into the anxiety and fully feel it? How long did it take for your attachment feelings to subside?

[Hope]

I have the same question as chavy. @climber how long did it take for those feelings to subside?

[Climber]

@Chavy, by facing feelings, I mean letting go of the shame and bringing them into therapy sessions so it can be worked on. There is usually something deeper behind it, an unfulfilled childhood need, a lack of object permanence, something that needs to be processed.

@Hope, I can’t give it a literal amount of time, neither will I say it is fully gone. I am in therapy for a couple of years and everything I do to both be vulnerable and own myself makes it easier.

We always wait for that ‘shift’ where something difficult will be gone. It’s more like, I’ll have these moments where I’ll think about a couple of months ago, and realize how different it feels now…

[melissa]

Missing a therapist between sessions is really hard!

Did you discuss it with your therapist? Usually talking about it is the best help.

Your therapist, who probably knows you best, may have some ideas for how to make the time between sessions easier.

In some cases some between-session contact (even if you don’t get a response) may be helpful; in other cases, therapists sometimes offer transitional objects to help you during the time away.

And perhaps more than anything, seeing that she’s okay with you needing her and missing her, just helps you feel understood and automatically makes this a little less painful.

But it is super painful. I understand! And I hope things get easier for you.

@Climber, your post is so on target.

 

 

[Hope]

Thank you @climber. And thank you @melissa for your your response. I will try doing what you said.

I did bring it up to her twice that I miss her during the week but she just said it’s normal and part of the process of healing. She didn’t say anything else or go deeper with me to help me.

[Chavy]

In response to Climber's post #13549:

Thank you, @Climber.

[Chavy]

In response to melissa's post #13555:

Yeah, my therapist knows about it and we’ve spoken about it a lot. It stems from my dependency on her.

[Climber]

In response to Hope's post #13559:

Maybe you be the one to go deeper with you to help you:)

[Author]

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