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    I have a very unhealthy love/hate relationship with my mother. I also have a need to not just be right, but to make sure the other person admits it. I have realized this is a problem and I am trying to work on it. It has been going well with all other people, but when it comes to my mother, I have this inexplicable need to argue with her and prove her wrong, even when I realize after that I have no clue what I am saying. Any advice on how to control or change that knee jerk reaction? Thanks!

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    WhatsAppers
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    Wow I just want to applaud you for wanting to work out this issue and that you have such honesty and self awareness with your actions and seeking help to work on it! Kol hakavod! ??

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    It’s so hard because no matter how much we (at least me) change when we go back to our childhood environment we slip right back into our old roles. Maybe it can help to try to stay super focused whenever you speak to her, I don’t know if you live with her but if you don’t maybe only speak to her when you’re feeling more focused and positive. The more you relate with her the way you want to the more your brain will be rewired for your “new” role. I think

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    Hey, just wanted to reply to this and let you know that this is an issue that is so common and for some reason mothers just have a way at pushing all the right buttons..I dont know how old you are but I feel that this issue persists with all ages. I dont either know what kind of relationship you have with ur mom in general but I wonder if u can kinda call urself out to her in a slightly humorous way…”mom for some reason I always need to be right and prove it to u.. lol I wud hate it if my kids did this to me. Sheesh how do you even deal with me”…or however you want to say it (maybe without coming across that self-deprecating) so that now that it’s been spoken about, both of you have a shared awareness that may help you for the future. It’s amazing that you’re self aware and wanting to see change! That in itself is huge. Good luck!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    It might help to try to figure out the reason why you feel the need to be right. I know it’s not really the same situation but I had a similar issue with my younger sister where I always had to have the last word and I realized that it was usually when my older siblings came home. I felt like I had to prove my old ness. Try figuring out when and why you feel the need to be right to know what’s triggering it. If that’s too difficult then an easier thing to try is to actually listen to what your mother is saying and if you disagree then do it in your head or talk to her later when your level headed. A third thing to do is to count to ten or fifteen seconds when you feel like saying something so it’s not a knee jerk reaction.

    Hope this was helpful!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

     

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    I don’t think it is a need to be right and to argue about it. This does not sound like this is about ur ego or that u feel u must be right. To me it sounds like u simply want validation from ur mother and she does not understand that so u argue with her to explain that u want her to agree with you bc u wud expect ur mother of all people to validate you. And when this does not happen it can sound like u are arguing to express ur point but it is ur inner self yearning for ur mother to validate you. So u go in any possible direction even if it does not make any logical sense because it is not logic it is ur emotions.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    I can relate to the love/ hate relationship unfortunately not uncommon. The piece about arguing I can’t relate to but like cooling off when one gets angry and not automatically reacting I recommend following the formula of taking a step back counting 10 deep breaths and thinking. One can act only after they think. No reason why should have to argue back on automatic if it’s really a problem can always talk to your Mom after. Best of luck with this and everything!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    This is really tough, for wanting the validation, approval, and to be heard is a legitimate need.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    Try to train yourself to take a deep breath and count to 3 (or use that breath to formulate your response before you respond). You’d be surprised at how much that helps. You may either respond more calmly, or you may choose not to respond at all since you’ve had time to think.
    One other thing… you may want to try to figure out why you have this need to be right all the time when you speak with your mother. Sometimes this manifests itself more with family than with non-family members. It’s something that is worth exploring, as it may help you figure out how to conquer it in the future.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

     

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    Wow, I’m honestly so shocked. These answers are so helpful, and I am so comforted in knowing that I am not the only person who this happens to. Thank you so much!!

     

    -This response was contributed by the original author.

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    I heard of many people who had this issue… they learned eft tapping and magically (that’s what it feels like ) the urge simply vanishes. (Many therapist say the only way is hard work and everything else is nonsense however you will try eft and guaranteed (yes guaranteed) that you will see results.
    Hatzlacha

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Be careful with Eft tapping it should not do more Damage for you then help it’s a tricky finger..

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    As it sounds to me u haven’t figured out yet what triggers you to this ‘’Inexplicable need’’ (aldo you are aware of the need which is huge and is half the cure) so I think that’s something to focus on, it’s hard to figure out ur self verse discussing with a professional therapist in understanding adults childhood, and i don’t think that is advice how to just stam Control and change that Effectively without understanding the source of the ‘’Inexplicable need’’.
    Good luck and keep growing!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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