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    insecureguy
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    I found this discussion very empowering. Ive practiced doing what bencoleman and drjoanna had conversed about over this weekend and it worked in a cool way. i like the idea of choosing a feeling that i want to be experiencing and then try to act and think in a way that would make that new feeling come to be.

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
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    @insecureguy – congratulations! that is so great that you were willing to step out of your comfort zone and try on something new. So powerful isn’t it that we actually have control over our thinking. even if its a thought that makes us feel not so great, we have full control to decide if we want to feel that way and take responsibility for it. what I described above and what you practiced is called “Deliberate Thinking” – you get to decide ahead of time how you want to think and feel going into a situation. congrats! exciting for you.

    What Do Your Thoughts and a Salad Have in Common?

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @insecureguy – congratulations! that is so great that you were willing to step out of your comfort zone and try on something new. So powerful isn’t it that we actually have control over our thinking. even if its a thought that makes us feel not so great, we have full control to decide if we want to feel that way and take responsibility for it. what I described above and what you practiced is called “Deliberate Thinking” – you get to decide ahead of time how you want to think and feel going into a situation. congrats! exciting for you.

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    Fern Weis
    Participant

    I think every one of us struggles with this from time to time, if not on a daily basis. When I talk to parents about how to help their kids with increasing self-esteem, this strategy seems to work well in the long-run (although you’d be doing this for yourself):

    Identify the positive character trait. Don’t tell a child what a great friend he is; tell him what you saw (generous, good listener, loyal.) For you, rather than working to convince yourself that you are confident, intelligent, etc, consider this. Identify the character trait that you think you demonstrated. For example, I was persistent, I listened carefully, I showed self-control in that moment. I am a team player, I showed a great sense of humor, I was generous.

    These are the qualities that you can see in yourself. They are not somebody else trying to help you feel better. (We always know when people are doing that, with the best of intentions. And we always have an answer as to why it isn’t true.)

    For the people with whom you feel safe, you might want to ask them to help you identify specific instances of when you showed those wonderful character traits. Recognizing those qualities within you, well they can never be taken away.

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    Nice!

    Great discussion – thank you all!

    @drjoanne
    like the control our thinking tools-very powerful skill. @fernweis thank you for normalizing the struggle as well as the idea to identify a specific trait demonstration. reminds me of the quote “life favors the specific ask and punishes the vague wish” or something like that…

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @Ban Colman checking in on you. How’s your new thought phrase working? Hope your new year is off to an awesome start.

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    The fact that those of you on this channel are willing to share, express and question the thoughts that may have your feeling insecure or lacking self-esteem, just reinforces that you all have an inner warrior within you – because it is the warrior within that fights through all the not-so-happy feelings and not-so-kind thoughts – what’s  he/she whispering to you? sometimes we have to make room with our noisy thoughts to hear it.

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    Chany
    Participant

    The fact that those of you on this channel are willing to share, express and question the thoughts that may have your feeling insecure or lacking self-esteem, just reinforces that you all have an inner warrior within you – because it is the warrior within that fights through all the not-so-happy feelings and not-so-kind thoughts – what’s he/she whispering to you? sometimes we have to make room with our noisy thoughts to hear it.

    so true. curious what @drjoanne take would be on the self esteem  thread. https://okclarity.com/forums/topic/self-esteem/

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    Banana
    Participant

    Amazing topic. Just read it in full thanks to it being featured on the 5 point Friday. Will be trying some of these stuff. Have a great weekend everyone!

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @Chany, thanks for asking – please feel free to ask a specific question and I’ll attempt to help out on the thread.

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    Chany
    Participant

    @drjoanne just if you agree that its based on the relationship we have with ourselves and any other thoughts on improving self esteem…

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    Hello everyone, wanted to leave this here for you all, something I posted on my facebook page. unfortunately, I cannot insert the photo that I reference below. Here’s your challenge for the day!

    It’s Valentine’s Day and whether partnered up or not, once the card, or flowers or chocolates or romantic dinners or hopes that your Mr. or Ms. Right will be alongside you this time next year, the most important love you feel and give, is to and for yourself.

    Self-love conquers self-doubt. Hands down.

    Although we tend to celebrate those we love and care for today – partners, family, parents, friends, our children, maybe even co-workers, how will you choose to practice self-love today?

    Here’s what some of my coaching clients are choosing to think about themselves from a place of self-love:

    I love myself because I try hard every day to be my best Self.
    I love myself because I can.
    I love myself because at my core I am a really good person.
    I love myself because I am willing to learn from my mistakes.
    I love myself because I have a great sense of humor.
    I love myself because I am working hard at taking a small risk each day.
    I love myself because I am working on learning to be kinder to me!

    What will your thought be?

    Thank you for being a part of my circle. Today I especially want you all to know how much I value you, am thankful for you and love you all just the way you are – imperfectly perfect!

    Now go out there and make it a great day for yourself ~

    Until soon,
    Joanne

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @Chany ~ thank you for your question, my apologies for taking a while to respond. You are absolutely right in your “thinking”. Self esteem, to me, is something that is linked to how we choose to think about ourselves. Of course, our thinking is tied to so much of past experiences so its not uncommon, sadly, that many great people are challenged with a low self-esteem (thinking of themselves that way). I know for me, I’ve shared a vulnerability, for example, I am introverted and shy. People who know me and interact with me practically drop over as if I were pulling their leg ~ because they don’t experience me in that way. But I THINK of myself as shy..and although I’ve done a lot of my own “work” on myself, there are times when I have to really push myself to think differently about how I want to feel going into a meeting, or a conference, or a party, etc. Probably more than you wanted to know. but yes, we put a lot of emotional energy on external things, thinking, it will raise our self-esteem – lose 5 pounds, get botox, dye my hair a different color, a new outfit – list goes on. but if we don’t believe and see ourselves in a different light, think of ourselves differently, we show up to ourselves and others as “low self-esteem”. my opinion. I wrote the Valentine entry above or somewhere on this thread because in the end, love starts with self-love = self-esteem!. I enjoy the conversation! thx for asking.

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    Chany
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    Wow. thank you so much for this. I absolutely loved the valentines day post because even though we don’t celebrate it officially, i couldnt help myself from looking at people holding flowers yesterday and wondering when will that be something i can have or experience. I also totally agree with way you defined self esteem as self love and how it begins with ourselves and the memories or thoughts we chose to tie to our esteem. So on point.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 36 total)

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