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I’m a guy that struggles with self esteem. I think that because I don’t have a good self esteem I also struggle to feel confident with other qualities other people say I possess. it’s difficult not being able to own and feel good about myself overall and also lacking confidence in my abilities makes life less enjoyable. I also constantly need reassurance for what I do, meaning need or want others to approve and it feels good for a moment but then its fleeting. I guess this means I’m somewhat insecure, hence my name. I just wonder if others have this and how they overcame or manage this issue.
Hey, definitely know a lot of people that struggle with this in addition to myself on some level. What has helped me is stating certain affirmations that I know others believe about me. Ex. I CAN do it. I got this. I am good enough. I am smart. Even stating things that you don’t believe. But overall, simply realizing that this is your tendency and not letting it effect your behaviors. EX. I don’t think I’ll get hired for the job but I’ll apply and give it my best shot anyways and be surprised when I do get the job. Hope this helps…
A good start is to read Twerski’s Let Us Make Man. I found it to be very helpful both personally and professionally (I am a therapist).
Hey, definitely know a lot of people that struggle with this in addition to myself on some level. What has helped me is stating certain affirmations that I know others believe about me. Ex. I CAN do it. I got this. I am good enough. I am smart. Even stating things that you don’t believe. But overall, simply realizing that this is your tendency and not letting it effect your behaviors. EX. I don’t think I’ll get hired for the job but I’ll apply and give it my best shot anyways and be surprised when I do get the job. Hope this helps…
Nice. i will try this! I think its easier said than done but i can forsake try. thanks again
A good start is to read Twerski’s Let Us Make Man. I found it to be very helpful both personally and professionally (I am a therapist).
Wow. thanks. I will get my hands on that. I appreciate you sharing that.
I am appreciative of the posts shared thus far around confidence and self-esteem. It is definitely the #1 common challenge for most of us. One way to start tackling this is to start listing thoughts that come to mind when you don’t feel confident. Someone mentioned above, “Not feeling good enough” for example. The more you can start keeping a thought list. Thoughts are habit forming. They are like food – if you start writing down what you eat during the week, you’ll see that mostly you eat the same foods, with some variations. that’s what happens with our thoughts. We tend to think the same things which lead to the same feeling of lack of confidence. Soon we aren’t even aware of what we are thinking…we go straight to our feelings – if you are up to it, try a 2 min Thought Download every day, even if you write down “I have no thoughts” over and over, you will start uncovering thoughts that have become hidden – just 2 min. – that’s the first step to then start to retrain your thinking – thoughts all lead to our feelings. The great news is the only thing we have control over is what we think!
I am appreciative of the posts shared thus far around confidence and self-esteem. It is definitely the #1 common challenge for most of us. One way to start tackling this is to start listing thoughts that come to mind when you don’t feel confident. Someone mentioned above, “Not feeling good enough” for example. The more you can start keeping a thought list. Thoughts are habit forming. They are like food – if you start writing down what you eat during the week, you’ll see that mostly you eat the same foods, with some variations. that’s what happens with our thoughts. We tend to think the same things which lead to the same feeling of lack of confidence. Soon we aren’t even aware of what we are thinking…we go straight to our feelings – if you are up to it, try a 2 min Thought Download every day, even if you write down “I have no thoughts” over and over, you will start uncovering thoughts that have become hidden – just 2 min. – that’s the first step to then start to retrain your thinking – thoughts all lead to our feelings. The great news is the only thing we have control over is what we think!
Thanks! i like this idea and the analogy to food. gonna try it. I did think though that we don’t have real control over our thoughts only how we react to our thoughts and what we tell ourselves about our thoughts?
I like the idea of writing down your thoughts, I had good experience with saying in bed at night before sleeping “I’m proud of myself that I…….”
By saying it again and again it’s fun easy and strong move towards building self-esteem.@Ban Colman = good for you for creating such a great ritual. You may also want to try recording your “new” thought (the one’s where your inner critic doesn’t give their 2 cents….) on your cell phone. there is something very powerful in hearing our own voice. Sounds like you’re doing a great job retraining your mind…..
I’m glad the food analogy was helpful. what you tell yourself about your thought is another thought. Here’s the great news – thoughts are optional. they really are the only thing we have control over. unfortunately, whatever age we are, we’ve had x number of ongoing years thinking over and over again our negative ones..so we always end up whether we are aware of our thinking or not, reinforcing them. In a not so great way. you really can’t have a feeling without first a thought. and the feeling drives all our actions. good for you to try, once you feel a feeling, to dig a bit deeper and ask yourself what am I thinking….write anything that comes to mind. let me know if you’d like to post, how writing your thoughts go!
@alwaysworried I like that!I felt now exhausted and need some time for myself, so asked myself what is my thoughts now and it came up that I have to arrange a meeting which is a stretch to do, and I hate the of stretching myself all the time.
In short:
My thoughts are, I have to stretch myself and I hate doing it.How do I take it further?
great that you paid attention to your mind.
your thought is “I have to stretch myself:.
Your feeling is “hate”ask yourself if you could choose any feeling beside hate – what would it be. then what would be a way you could THINK of arranging the meeting that could connect to your new desired feeling. You need to believe your new thought in order for you to start changing your old thought. sometimes a small more neutral way of thinking can move the feeling of hate from a 10 to a 5…for example, what would it be to think “I’m working on, or I’m learning how to arrange meetings that don’t stretch myself too thin”….. just a small tweak can change the intensity of a feeling or change the feeling altogether which chances are will move you into a more favorable form of action (and better result).
As I put some thought into it, I reframe my statement that I was saying to myself and found it very interesting.
My new phrase is “from the people I need to contact in order to get closer to my goal, with whom am I the most comfortable to meet now?”
Interesting enough that the same person I felt hate, I feel now comfortable doing it, besides the feeling of being in control.
