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    okidoki
    Participant

    I’m not sure how to title this question. But I need somebody to tell me that I’m normal. Because I truly don’t feel normal right now.  I go through times when I’m totally ok, and other times where I get so caught up in thinking about different things that happened in my childhood and just feel so angry at the people involved. Specifically certain things that occurred with one of my parents. I never received apologies, and I realized I never will. For my parent,  they most probably don’t even remember most of things that happened, but I do and it angers me that they never apologized. They won’t apologize. I accepted that long ago, but at times the hurt resurfaces. Like now.  I have a therapist but I won’t share all the different things I’m referring to with anybody including my therapist,  so speaking to her about it isn’t really an option. Some of these things occured over 6 – 8 years ago so this shouldn’t be happening. I really feel like I’m crazy and don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’m loosing my mind.

    Hey Okidoki,

    I am here to tell you that you are normal.

    It is very normal to have ranges of emotions. It is also common that the ranges of emotion are intense and extreme when they surface due to traumatic experiences that have not been dealt with. Feelings buried alive never die. I completely understand and respect your fears associated with putting words to these experiences and memories, however, that is one (very popular) entry point to begin healing.

    If you are not ready to do that, perhaps you can consider journaling these thoughts and feelings so that they can live somewhere outside of you in addition to inside of you. Like this, they may take up less space inside of you and allow you to experience more emotional breathing space.

    Additionally, you can consider reading a book on healing childhood trauma which may help you feel less alone, feel deeply understood, and armor you with the courage and vocabulary to put words to your pain.

    Lastly, please trust that there will come a time when you will be able to speak about this pain, perhaps,  in addition to finding other ways to heal yourself.

    Today you just need to take the best next step in the direction of healing. Maybe that step is a short walk, fresh air, a breathing exercise, journaling, etc. You choose.

    I believe in you and hope my words encourage you to continue believing in yourself.

    Hang in there.

    Warmly,

    fay

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    KindChild
    Participant

    Hey in addition to u being completely normal… I care about u and I just want to let u knw that although this seems impossible…whatever it is that ur parent owes u an apology for, ur therapist has probably heard before and definitely won’t judge u. If it is something ur uncomfortable talking about…. Write it down, give her/him a letter. Keeping it inside is so painful.

    there are different forms of abuse, they aren’t usually spoken about in public.
    but just knw sexual abuse is unfortunately extremelyyyyy common sadly. Ppl who have had any sort of experience that is connected to that have extremely hard times telling ppl…. That’s what this anonymous website is here for.

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    okidoki
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you Fay Brezel and KindChild for your responses. Your words mean a lot to me. Yes, I’m aware that talking and putting my experiences into words is the step to heal. It’s just so hard. Maybe I’ll give Journaling a try for now.

    In response to Fay Brezel's post #12187:

    Do you have a book you may reccommend?

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    Yeshaya Kraus
    Participant

    There’s a lot of pain in what you’re writing. It’s really hard to have so much bottled up and not have anywhere to put it, especially if you have a therapist, who’s supposed to be able to help you with this kind of thing.

    Two points: one is that there are no ‘should’s in feelings. You feel how you feel. There’s no need to feel bad about how you feel bad.

    Another thought is that even if you can’t share details with your therapist for whatever reason, you may be able to explore what holds you back from sharing. That may get you to a point where opening up is easier, or where you feel more comfortable with not exploring it.

    Either way, best of luck.
    -Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW

    In response to okidoki's post #12191:

    I don’t know the exact nature of your struggles so it’s challenging to prescribe a book. Some general great ones are

    the gift of therapy

    maybe you should talk to someone

    the body keeps the score

    i hope that helps!

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    Chavy
    Participant

    I meant to write earlier, but didn’t get around to, but now I’m compelled to.

    Like Fay said, you are TOTALLY normal!! Anyone who has gone through such abuse – even if it’s years later – will still have memories about it and even question themselves, like you are. But you’re aware, in therapy, and have this forum to discuss things. Many people aren’t this self-aware and don’t talk about their feelings, so you’re def okay!

    I would also encourage you to share this with your therapist by speaking or writing. I think it’s so healthy to share it and not keep it inside.

    Keep strong; keep at it and let us know how things go!

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    I wish that she and so many others would know that it’s OK and they’re not just normal but also AMAZING for surviving so much and still moving forward and trying to do their best and grow. Please let yourself breathe you’re ok exactly as you are NOW!!!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Totally normal!
    Have you ever asked them for an apology?

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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