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chaim1502Participant1 year ago
Hi to all.
I am not sure if there are others out there who can relate to me but since Covid my husband has found it very comfortable to work from home. In the beginning it was totally ok for me. Everyone was home and there was no other option. His office is a about a 50 minute commute from our home so it works out well for him. He is also not the social buddy type that needs to meet people and is perfectly fine sitting at home at the dining room table working on his laptop while I work from the office remotely to a different city. ( I do not have the option of driving in to my work). I have a strong need for socialization and a an even stronger need for independence. Since my husband needs less time on the road he is also waking up later in the morning and davening at a later Minyan. He goes to sleep extremely late on that account working late hours. All of this is finding me in a place where I am craving space and independence. I find myself wishing he would leave to daven already and wish for the seldom days that he does actually go into the office. I have no idea how to express it to him. He would take it extremely on the offensive side if I would say anything. I find my entire today is not structured enough . There is no real beginning or end to the day. I discussed this with my therapist who told me to discuss it with him. I told him I can’t. He said I should tell my husband that if he really loves and cares for me then this is the truth and wouldn’t he want to make me happy? I suffer a lot from anxiety and depression and this does not help the situation in any way. Sos. Any Suggestions?
robingoldmanMod1 year ago
I think this is a very relatable struggle right now! Personally, my partner and I needed to have a conversation like this one. We set a routine with hours that we would wake up/go to sleep, work, have meals together etc…but most importantly, we scheduled times that each of us would have some alone time. Sometimes that is as simple as having one of us run errands while the other enjoys time at home, sometimes it’s one of us doing our own thing in one room alone for a while.
It was not the easiest conversation to have, but in the end it was worth it. It has been so helpful for us as a couple but also for our individual mental health. Routines and consistency are wonderful things!
Regarding simply being nervous to initiate the conversation, that is a valid feeling. However, just because something is unpleasant does not mean it is a bad thing. If you can find the courage to have this conversation, I’m sure it will be helpful for you both.
chaim1502ParticipantTopic Author1 year ago
In response to robingoldman's post #11001:
Thank you so much for your reply.
I did have a very non-judgmental conversation with him. He listened.
Let’s see where it takes us. I definitely feel a lot better that I aired it out.