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    WhatsAppers
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    Any advice on how to respond to a teenager that talking not derech eretzdig? It’s causing me a lot of stress. I want to know the right way to respond without ruining our relationship. Thanx in advance for your advice.

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    WhatsAppers
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    When u respect someone ,he will respect u back.

    Respect the son, and the son will respect you back.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Take your pride out of it (it’s easier to understand what he/she is really trying to say when it’s not personal, something is probably bothering him/her that’s not you)
    Also as long as your trying to have a relationship you shouldn’t worry about it so much because ultimately that’s what the child will remember!
    (Even teenagers understand that a parent is human, so don’t let mistakes get you down)

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    If my child talks chutzpahdig I don’t answer back when child calms down and says mommy I tried talking to u but I say I couldn’t talk to u then cause u were very chutzpahdig

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    I am a teenager myself (just turned 19) I went through a spell when I was mad at the world and took it out on my parents but they handled it very well and always answered me like they live and respect me whatever and whenever and that really helped me through all the hard times knowing that my parents love me unconditionally.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I’m a teen and I just know that I sometimes talk disrespectful to my mother without realizing and my mother always asks me what’s going on because in general I’m a respectful person. When this happens I usually find that outside influences usually effect my tone to my parents, whether it’s a nonjewish book, movie or even a large chat that a lot of my friends that are teens are on. Another thing that might be causing it is the fact that a lot of times teens just want to be listened to. We don’t want to be advised or for our parents to solve our problems we just want a sympathetic ear. Teenage hood is when teens want to be independent but don’t have the tools to be so we want to be seen as invincible but are really justs kind of insecure. I’m not sure exactly what your kid is like and I don’t know where this disrespect is coming from but maybe you can sit down with your kid and just ask them straight out what’s bothering them or where this is coming from.

    Hope this was helpful!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    Chavy
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    I hear a lot about open communication and how important it is in any relationship. Not to condone her behavior, but is there something that’s bothering her? Is she moody, upset about something, or worried and is therefore acting out?

    And problem solve with her about what she can do when she feels she’s about to have a bout of chutzpah. Can she tell you that she’s about to lash out and needs a few minutes to compose herself? Can she identify when and perhaps why she acts out?

    Have a loving and open conversation with her about that and state in a firm but loving way that her chutzpah won’t be tolerated.

    I hope this helps somewhat!

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    WhatsAppers
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    U should remember that when a child acts out it’s because they want your attention so even at their worst, you should show them that they will always be loved by you and their attitude will change. Remember your child should not have to earn your love and respect, rather it should always be unconditional!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    DAVEN! DAVEN! DAVEN!
    What not to do: get angry at her. ?
    You should keep very calm and later on ask her politely to have more respect. (If that doesn’t work then obviously don’t ask her again and most importantly remember to keep calm and daven.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I’m at the stage where my oldest is nearly a teen. As a teen I was mostly derech eretzdik. Can recall only two occasions where I was ultra chutzpadik- both times to a teacher not my mother. On both occasions, the chutzpa aspect was completely overlooked and the teacher replied fairly and in a way that calmed me down. Once I had calmed down, I was able to acknowledge that my behavior was out of line. I apologized. Clearly remember how on the first occasion the response was -you were stressed, that wasn’t really you, it’s ok… honestly I learned more about middos from those occasions than from the ten months of lessons with those teachers.
    I’d recommend responding, don’t ignore, and help them realize that by nature they’re really respectful and well behaved this is just the stress that needs to be pulled back under control…

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    It’s painful to be treated disrespectfully. I can certainly see how that can be stressful. You deserve respect.
    I have a few points that might be helpful to understand so that effective change can take place.
    1. Let’s try to understand the reasoning for her behaviors. Behind every behavior is usually an underlying unmet need. Chances are that it might not even be you that your daughter is upset at , but she feels safe with you so that is why she feels okay “letting it out”. With that said , it is still not okay for her to treat you as such. That’s where boundaries come in. Boundaries are so important. When disrespectful behaviors/ comments come up, putting a boundary in place can be very beneficial. Maybe saying something like “ it is okay to be upset,but it is not okay to be disrespectful” or “ I see your not happy right now, can you tell me about what is going on in a respectful way… because I would love to help you.”
    I think that with the consistency of new boundaries in place your daughter will learn what is okay and what is not. She will also learn how much you care and love her.
    I hope this is helpful. Best of luck!!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Do not argue with them, be exceptionally nice to them and accept them exactly as they are – change its fairly instantaneous, usually less than a week

    This behavior is their way of showing pain – respect, accept, be positive and never argue or disagree with them in any way

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    An amazing book about teenagers. “Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?”

    If you’re looking for Yiddish hashkafa, this is totally secular; with all that Goyishe teenagers get involved in

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Is there a way to bring the message across to the child that no it is not that We parents are boss and You child are a kid THAT’S why you break our hearts by opening a mouth to your parents

    It is that you make us feel that all we try/do for you all the time to make you healthy and happy is all ‘not enough’ to make you feel serene and taken care of ❕❕

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    As a young adult and someone who has worked a lot with teenagers, I beg you to see the disrespect for what it really is. I know it’s not okay and it’s hurtful, but no teen wants to hurt their parent, and that is why we can be almost positive it is coming from a deeper place. This won’t cause you let the teen get away with murder- the biggest thing it will do is give you relief from their painful words! They probably don’t believe a word they’re saying. Make sure that they know that you don’t appreciate what they are doing but ANY MUSSUR MUST COME WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. If it is coming from a deeper place, and a teen is just yelled at for disrespecting his parents, he will feel more alone and more in pain making him even more disrespectful. Even though teens can be reluctant to opening up, I would open up that door and ask if everything is okay, and know that even when he rolls his eyes- those words mean a lot. And more than what those words mean, THE LACK of those words can mean a very scary world

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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