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  • This topic has 48 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Profile Photoarif.
  • Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 49 total)
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    WhatsAppers
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    I think the small mention of depression has a huge effect on the whole issue. People with depression dont care about anything and they will do anything to distract themselves from having to deal with the real feeling of depression, and it seems like his way of doing it is by eating. Some people have an eating disorder thr other way, where they wont eat anything because they feel like they are “less” than everyone else because of their depression.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10485:

    I truly truly agree with everything this person is saying BESIDES,
    Someone with an actual binge disorder or someone with deeper issues than just the bandaid overeating, WILL go and buy his own food. I know from personal experience. She can show she loves and cares all she can but it’s his mindset that needs to drastically change (maybe with outside help?).

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10481:

    He can’t be “taught” by his wife as a grown man. It’s in his head and he needs professional help to change his mindset. The tone this person uses is disgusting and lacking of any empathy for the OG persons question. Completely disregarding the pain. So sad.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10482:

    I just thought of this, maybe he has an oral fixation? That would mean his mouth constantly needs stimulation, whether through cigarettes, gum, snacks…. maybe look down that road and see if there is a way to get him to stimulate with something different like gum, or solve the underlying trauma/problem of why he has a fixation. I wish you the best! And don’t forget, all these random people all over the world care so much and want to help you!! You’re not alone!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10467:

    Just to add to yesterday
    The bal shem tov says if u see a problem in someone else’s you are looking at a mirror in other words you have the problem
    The lubavich rebbe explain saying there is two types of see a problem 1. Seeing somthing a a make a fuss at of it letting every one know….
    2. seeing somthing and think what the right thing to do…(ask a rov..)
    The first is when u have problem in your self
    So ask your self were do I have the same problam and… And what can I do to fix it

    This is the short of it
    More details IL sena vice note

    The last part the rebbe dos not put in the sicha but the idea is there
    Flip the story on your self
    I am… Example I… Wow how can I fix it

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10483:

    My tone responds to her tone… she sounds frustrated but also completely unwilling to understand her husband. More disgusted by him than willing to help…

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10486:

    This is the problem with most of the responses on this forum… everyone saying the husband needs help (he probably does but…)when im seeing the wife that posted with the issues. Is the overeating a way he can maintain some control over the situation in his family? He definitely doesn’t have her respect…. as for the response about the money, let me remind everyone that (im assuming) we are all jewish women here and although many women do work and support their families, its the men that are the head of the families. Even if the wife is the breadwinner, according to the torah, its the husbands money! Wow such a different issue that I didn’t want to go into it. I feel for the women that have to work hard and do everything and keep the husbands in the “pants of the house”.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10486:

    And as this women has an opinion that was posted, why cant my opinion be posted, does she get that not everyone needs to jump in line and agree to her?

    Obviously i have anger issues lol but that doesn’t mean what im saying doesn’t have the truth in it. And her response just says my words hit her pretty hard…

    Ok im done phew ? and no need to post, im not looking for validation (once written down doesn’t have to be posted…aka therapy ?)

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Hi,

    You are right this is a delicate topic!

    You are in a very difficult position because a) you care about your husband, b) you’re concerned about his health and c) his weight can understandably affect you and how you view him both on an attraction level and a respect level (as you mentioned you view his indifference as laziness).

    I think ideally there is a two-pronged approach that is called detaching with love; it involves both what you do and what you share with him.

    First you want to ask yourself what kind of relationship with your husband do you want?  Do you want to always be “bending over backwards” to help him achieve a goal he isn’t interested in achieving? Do you want to manage his weight loss?  Are you getting pressure from other people like medical professionals or parents?

    Now, the healthiest of relationships are relationships in which each person is responsible for his or her own wellbeing while placing the ones of their spouse’s wellbeing on their spouses.  Wellbeing includes physical, emotional, and spiritual health.  So ideally, this would include giving your husband the space to make his own choices, even if they are dysfunctional ones and giving him the space to find his own way.

    That being said, part of what it means to take responsibility for oneself is to own our own feelings and to share these feelings when appropriate, which brings me to the second part of this approach.  You can most definitely have a sit down with your husband (not when he is in the middle of a binge, more like in a calm time in a calm environment with no distractions) where you share with him your feelings and your perspective.  In this conversation, you can include your fears about his health and how much you love and care for him.  You can also share very delicately if this does affect your attraction to him.  Additionally, you can share your worries and observations about how down he is with this.

    It can also be helpful to ask him without judgement what his perspective is with all of this, and how he wants you to support him.  You can also share with him that moving forward, you will not be cooking any special meals or preparing special healthy snacks, unless he specifically requests it and you are available to do it (meaning not when you are stressed and pressed for time).

    This way, he claims ownership of his process while feeling your support and he is aware of how you feel about it.  And then you can focus on developing your own sense of wellbeing.

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    WhatsAppers
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    Lol big yikes on this “it’s the husband’s money” thing ? didn’t even think there were still people who followed that ideology.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    There is wayyy too much hate about this topic!! ?

    I hate it

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Binge eating/emotional eating is not treated with restriction. He likely needs to work with a therapist and an intuitive eating/HAES dietician to learn how to listen to his hunger and fullness cues and pay attention to his needs (do I need to talk to someone, take a walk, get fresh air, decompress?)

    Also, while I know many people have benefited OA they use an abstinence/restriction/”self control” approach which just serves to reinforce shame and disconnection from internal cues.

    This response was contributed by:

    Rachel Tuchman

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    WhatsAppers
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    Whom money belongs to or doesn’t belong to is a big complicated issue in Halacha. But to blatantly post such, expressing disregard for actual Halacha in a public forum is not appropriate on this chat.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10546:

    Its only a problem when the women wear the pants tell her. Otherwise it’s definitely a partnership (everything equal in our household bh) our job as wives is to support and build our husbands emotional spiritually and every which way. I recently watched a scenario with the wife telling her husband “ no i dont allow that” whatever it was, it really bothered me.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10547:

    Agree . This is the first time the topic is soo heated ??‍♀️

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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