skip to Main Content
  • This topic has 48 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Profile Photoarif.
  • Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 49 total)
  • Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Sounds like a 2 person issue going on here one using food as a bandage and one using the husband issue as a bandage they both need to look inside themself and do some (alot ) of inner work.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    It seems like he is “eating his emotions” meaning, he is feeling an unwanted emotion such as anxiety and eating to make himself feel better temporarily
    Also, make sure he is eating enough filling meals and food groups because of his body is hungry he will definitely eat more
    And of course You can only help but you can try to let go… it’s hard!
    Hatzlocha !!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10456:

    this may cause you to feel resentful if he does not choose the fruit. You can do this but don’t drive yourself crazy and look at every bite

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I agree with overeaters anonymous but after you say it once you need to be quiet until he decides to do it himself. It sounds to me like he’s definitely aware the eating bothers her but every time she mentions it he’s going to eat more. Not to spite her , just because that’s how humans work.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    If he can get therapy perhaps the underlying issues can be discovered and healed. Also, do not bring junk food into your home. The entire family should learn to eat healthier foods. Also, don’t wait to eat if he leaves you nothing.

    I am actually on a vacation right now as a reward for losing weight. My son encouraged me and helped me
    diet. I want to dance at my grandkids weddings and not be in a wheelchair.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I just want to say that what you wrote sounds so close to certain stretches in my life. I particularly feel your pain about the mindlessly eating your little treats. I have to hide them and feel guilty when I do but have to anyway. B”H were mentally so so much healthier than we were, but just know that you’re not alone, and there is hope. For me it was important to get clear in my head that his diet wasn’t my responsibility or my failure. Also I agree with all those who said to address other issues that are contributing. Every time you bite your tongue and every time you’re supportive and every time you think positive thoughts about him, pat yourself in the back.
    As so many things in life, it’s largely in our heads, in our mindsets.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I’m wondering if it would be possible to sit down with him and ask HIM what would be helpful. OA/therapy to deal with the underlying issues/other forms of outside help notwithstanding, are you in a place where you can discuss it with him (going on the assumption that he wants to stop doing this) and ask what he would find helpful from you when he starts the behaviors that would help bring him back to what he’s doing? And on the flip side, telling him what would be helpful for you-ask if you’ve eaten dinner yet/if x was set aside for something or someone (though tbf, if he’s binging, there might not be that moment to pause and think about that)
    And if these are discussions that can’t happen yet, then to ask yourself what would make it easier for you-if you start hearing the crunching, to go to another room, to label snacks as belonging to people, etc

    Hatzlacha

    Also, bit of a side note; I don’t know how old your kids are, but speaking as the daughter of a binge eater-please don’t put them in the middle. Hearing my parents argue about how much that parent was eating, when the binge eater would ask one of us to bring a snack and the other would tell us not to/tell us that _ shouldn’t eat whatever it was… Yes it’s important to ensure your kids eat healthy and are aware, but don’t do it by pointing out what the other one is doing wrong/belittling them for it. And NOT at the Shabbos table.
    It got to a point where I was scared for that person’s health and was left wondering at a young age why potato chips were more important than us.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10478:

    This is stupid. Everyone is responding like he’s a child!!!! Even the wife speaks of him like he’s a moron. He’s a grown adult who can make decisions on his own!!! You think he cant buy his own food and junk and nosh?!?!? Who pays for it!!!! I read my husband the og post. He said if she doesn’t want him to eat her food and nosh around, then she should be making him larger portions of supper and he wont be hungry!!!

    Dont bring junk food into the home? As if he’s the chunky 2nd grader that doesn’t know portion control and needs to be taught no junk. This is insane

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    So sad to see how non-empathetic people are. People have deeper issues sometimes, or even just an eating disorder. Not everything is as simple as “give him more food!”. I hope people can learn to be more understanding.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10481:

    Response from the question author:

    This reply is highly inappropriate- dont u think?
    I’m not sure what’s offsetting me more. The tone or the choice of words she uses.

    Obviously he is a grown man.
    Obviously he can make his own choices.
    Obviously he has some issues that need help.
    Sometimes people that are not well dont know how to help themselves.
    Why assume I’m (or any spouse of a binger) is not giving him enough food for supper ?.
    I cook delicious meals. He eats when he wants.
    I work hard to pay for the food too. Yes he can buy and choose his own food, but he needs help, and I need advice. Not hate.

    My initial reaction was to ignore the response because it’s seems like the responder is just an angry person with their own set of pain and issues.
    But then I realized that this question may be mine but the responses are for others too. And I cannot let someone hurt others at my expense.
    So dear responder – you have some work cut out for you before you unleash on the next person in your path.

    Thank you to all the well meaning responses thus far.

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I’ve been refraining from responding to most conversations and just “listening in” but although the woman who responded about not treating the husband like a baby etc might have written with a calmer tone, I do think there is a lot of validity to what she is saying….

    The wife would benefit from remembering that we absolutely can NOT change another person even our spouse and that her non judgemental loving caring (seeing the good in her husband) support would most likely have more of an effect than her non acceptance and criticizing him

    Her post oozed her feelings of disgust about her husbands challenge and that worries me more than a spouse that overeats

    Maybe she is a completely selfless wife who just cares that her husband is healthy and I would be happy to be proven wrong but it’s more likely that working on herself would have far more benefits than trying to get everyone on her side “against “ her husband

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    A- to start off saying something is stupid is completely disregarding someone’s pain and it’s obviously not this letter that made you upset
    B- adults can make bad decisions and the wife is smart enough to get a “second opinion before she confronts her husband which I think is really smart
    C- if the whole problem was that her husband once ate her supper I’m sure she could figure out on her own that he’s hungry
    D- who makes the money should have a question mark not an exclamation mark
    E- he wouldn’t buy his own food if he saw it meant a lot to his wife that he shouldn’t eat
    He’s not a baby he’s a grown man that isn’t thinking so straight and he needs some help

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I agree 100000000% i wld add more 0s….I thought that response was not empathetic at all rather hurtful to someone that is already hurt and that shld nog have beeen posted in my opinion.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Maybe he can try the 16/8 Intermittent fasting, that means 8 hours he can eat whatever he wants.
    (This diat will also help with blood pressure, and hormone balance, maybe he can get out of his depression)

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10481:

    I think the difference in thinking comes from not understanding what it’s like to be either the emotional eater, or to live with an emotional eater, or any addictive behavior. Someone who just likes to snack is not in the same category as an emotional eater. It comes from something deeper. He clearly needs help, although it would have to come from his desire to be helped. However it goes much deeper than just eating an extra snack. The spouse also suffers – it effects them in a very real way. They also need compassion and help – which is why she is reaching out for guidance.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 49 total)

You must be logged in to to reply to this topic. Not a member yet? Register now!

Back To Top