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  • This topic has 48 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Profile Photoarif.
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    WhatsAppers
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    I know this will be sensitive for many as it is about weight loss – but it’s the perspective of being married to an overeater. He overeats, noshes mindlessly, is depressed, and does no exercise, and his blood pressure is getting high. He went on a short diet as per doc and his mom and was losing nicely and eating healthy and less. I bent over backwards to help prepare meals. But he is too lazy and disinterested to keep it up. While I’ll accept him at any weight and keep mouth shut (most the time) it upsets me as he stands in the kitchen spacing out and finishing off all the food. (Kids snacks and my little one time treats!) I’ve had times where he ate up my supper before I could get to it not realziing he had to save some for me. I try not to bother him abt it (doesn’t help anyway) but I clench my teeth as he noshes and crunches loudly in front of the cabinets for 15 minutes straight while I pretend not to hear him. Would love advice!
    (Besides that he or we need help etc, I know that already ?)

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    WhatsAppers
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    Why is his mom involved in his diet? Sounds lijebhe needs to grow up and accept the responsibility for himself. Until he chooses to take control of his eating habits, nothing anyone (including the wife) will say or do will help. All she can do is encourage him when he decides to take the step himself. Whenever my husband goes on a diet i help him and when he doesn’t i dont say anything. Nothing i would say would help anyway. Its his life and his choice. And i cannot control that, only myself.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    U say he stands in the kitchen amd snacks. So maybe start having alot of fruits and vegetables cut up around the house in the kitchen counter on the table on the living room. We do that all the time and then we all snack on healthy foods. Oranges, appleas, kiwifruit, pineapple. So may diffrent choices and then the kids copy and everyone is eating healthy. Before dinner after dinner in the afternoons just cut up healthybthings amd leave them out they will eat it

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Have less food in the house

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    To me it sounds like overeating is the symptom, not the cause. You mention he’s depressed, how’s the rest of his life going? Is there any room for comfort in any other area of his life? That would be the first place to look.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10457:

    No. Don’t do that! He will go out, buy food and eat in the car! Talking from experience?

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    The eating Ur describing sounds like dissociation
    I know u said u don’t wanna hear abt help but that’s really the only answer

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Maybe tell him how much it bothers you because it sounds like he doesn’t realize, and if there is healthy food in the house and he goes to buy then at least he is getting a little exercise, and he sounds like he needs a hobby

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    This is not a solution but a band aid until you find another solution but If there is food set aside for a specific person like your dinner or a child’s treat then put it in a place he won’t find it so that person doesn’t miss out on it and resent him.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Sounds like a really difficult and painful situation for you to be dealing with. As frustrating as it is for you, you can’t fix him or change him, you can only change your attitude. It’s very possible that your displeasure with his life choices makes him feel even worse. When he overeats, how do you feel about him? Try challenging that thought by “proving” that the opposite is true. For example if you say “when he overeats I lose respect for him” you would try to find 3 ways in which you do respect him. Try to express those positive thoughts and keep looking for more things that prove that he’s worthy of your respect. It might not change his unpleasant behavior but when we have a negative thought about someone we tend to perpetuate thoughts that prove that narrative. When we try to change that negative narrative to a positive one, we perpetuate positive thoughts about that person. Then we realize that while those negative things are still there, they are not the whole picture. Once your husband feels your support and not your disdain, that can actually empower him to make changes in his life, although that’s not your goal but it might be a great side benefit.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #10459:

    Exactly. He must be the one to decide how to eat. Even healthy foods around the house wont help… sorry.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    First of all, I feel for you, it sounds like you’re going through a really hard time. As an overweight person whose enjoys eating a lot too, the only time I ever really “dieted” or lost real weight, was when it came from myself. Eating healthy to please other people was only a temporary fix. I am currently tryin to not eat any sugary foods or candy etc during the week, and I save it all for Shabbos/Seudas Mitvah/Yom Tov. This helps me because there’s the dual pleasure or knowing eventually I will eat it, and feeling better as a Jew that these times are so special that I wait and hold myself back for them. I really hope you find a solution Be’Ezrat Hashem. Have you ever tried to workout together? Or eat at the same times? In terms of snacks, you can try to switch to healthier items, but make sure they’re just as tasty. No offense, but cucumbers and peppers just don’t compare to a good bag of chips. They make healthier but just as tasty alternatives that may help with weight. I would also maybe recommend talking about it. Straight up tell him that you want the whole household to be healthier, and maybe take him shopping for snacks together. Unless it puts you in any risk Chas Vshalom. Good luck!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    From past experience I can say must time u feel hungry… It a lack of water
    Somthing I Don for my self and told other is drink cup of water… Vefor sitting down to eat or going to the kitchen to snack
    Mightvtry to push him to drink more water in a gentle way…
    Also a different type of diet… Dorm take a second plate(fill the first to the limit) but no seconds… Sounds easy but…or eating everything on one condition it homemade (beside for bread…)
    The idea is learning self control In a structure manner
    AT start u want see a change but after a week or so u will feel it but in wight and physically feel better

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    this is more than just the eating part. is he eating cuz he’s stressed? does he realize it bothers you? I think professional help (not just a nutritionist) would be helpful. maybe a support group like overeaters anonymous would be able to help BOTH of you.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I lost 25 lbs by eating 8 small meals a day. He will Need to see a nutritionist.hatzlacha

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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