- This topic has 37 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 months ago by
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In response to WhatsAppers's post #14181:
I think the main income from both partners, even if one earns more than the other, should both be deposited in a joint account for bills, etc. any other side money that comes in, from stuff like birthday, gifts, or part time side job should be kept separately for pocket money. After all, you canât buy a gift for your spouse from their money đ
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14181:
It’s possible to have an automatic payment go out from the main account weekly to the other accounts, for a predetermined amount.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14184:
I did ask bec i feel controlled, i was waiting and hoping for someone to bring up the idea of me being controlled.
-Original Poster
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14205:
I am saddened to hear that this is what you are going through. Iâm glad I followed my gut and responded to your inquiry once I saw no one was mentioning âcontrol.â
I am not at all suggesting that you are dealing with a case of financial abuse, as I donât know the specifics of your case, but in case it helps you or anyone reading, I figured I would take a few minutes to make space below for this important topic.
First I want you to know that you are not alone. Unfortunately financial abuse is a form of abuse that is often not spoken about like some of the other forms of abuse, but itâs still a real form of suffering that spouses can go through.
I was able to sense from your original question that your gut was telling you that you were being controlled. It seems that you have a sense that what you are experiencing isnât ok. Please continue to know to the depths of your being that no one has the right to control you in any way and that includes with money. Trust your intuition.
In general, financial control can play out in different ways (too much detail to list here) all of which have a common theme of an unhealthy dynamic where the controller is in charge and holds the (financial) power and your role is to be subservient to their needs which can have significant consequences on your emotional and psychological health.
Anyone going through this deserves to be helped and deserves to be free from this form of control.
I hope that after reading this you let us know that you are safe and that this does not in any way apply to you.
If however it does apply, please know that help is available to you, and Iâm sure I speak for everyone in the OkClarity community, that you have all of our support.
Wishing you only the best.
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14205:
Sending love đâ€ïžđ. I hope you find help for that.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14205:
Iâm sorry your being controlled. Know that your not alone in this. â€ïž
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14205:
Then this isnt an issue with separate or joint accounts. If youâre in a mutually respectful relationship then it doesnât matter how many accounts you have , all passwords are shared and open. If youâre controlled via money, then having a separate account wouldnât help either.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14202:
I bought a gift for my husband with âhisâ money. When i told him offhandedly you paid for it he said its our money stop saying mine yours etc.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
My friend got married and always kept a separate account and wouldnât stop saying my money my moneyâŠ. Fast fwd to their divorce lol. Im not saying you cant have separate accounts if you feel the need but if you cant trust your spouse with âyourâ money then youâve got a problem! (Obviously addiction and gambling not in play here)
-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14205:
Control is never a word that should be used in a marriage. Money is one of the many ways that people can feel controlled.
Is this an example of controlling behavior or the only way it plays out? If is just an example, then I suggest you seek guidance. If itâs the only way, then maybe an open discussion would help. Perhaps he doesnât like your spending habits and instead of discussing it he is making an executive decision.-Anonymous WhatsApper
In response to WhatsAppers's post #14206:
Thank you Shaya Hecht for following your gut and mentioning the possibility of being controlled. I felt alone and thought everyone has it together in the financial department.
-Anonymous WhatsApper
