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  • Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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    avacad0
    Participant

    I am feeling so shattered,

    So lonely and battered,

    All I want is peace of mind,

    Is that such a hard find?

    My mind is in constant motion,

    Fighting many an emotion,

    Depression and bleakness,

    Sadness and weakness,

    I keep trudging along,

    Humming a mourning song,

    Using all my energy that I possess,

    Not to cave in in to the mess,

    Putting on a show,

    That I am happy and on the go,

    My eyes are brimming with tears

    With heartache and fears,

    I feel abandoned and alone

    Heavy as a stone,

    Hashem I beseech “please help me heal”

    I so want to be happy and real

    I want to peel my mask away

    And to truly be happy and gay,

    To give up my role

    Of pretending to be confident and whole,

    When in reality such darkness prevails,

    And my silent turbulence wails,

    I am on my journey of health

    And Iyh I will find a life of emotional wealth,

    I just wish I can have the support I so crave

    Of a loving hand to help me rise above each wave

    Of accepting me as a human who struggles each day,

    To be a better person with what hashem sends my way.

     

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Wow!!! No words, @avacad0.

    This is such a beautifully written poem, but I am so sorry for your tremendous pain.

    Keep strong!!

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    Climber
    Participant

    Trying for the past ten minutes to upload a hug (gif) for you, it’s not working:(

    This poem is beautiful, and I feel so sorry for your pain and struggle. I hope you can find some support here and ultimately in your personal life.

    XOXO

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Here’s more……

    I feel so cold

    As life around me continues to enfold

    Everyone seems to have a clear destination

    Being confident about their situation

    I look on in pain

    Am I the only one feeling so insane?

    I feel abandoned and neglected

    Shattered and disected

    I dream of clarity

    Wishing for empathy

    Does anyone not see my turmoil?

    Does nobody realize how much I toil?

    The sadness is so huge

    From the shame I seek a place of refuge

    The guilt is tearing me apart

    Shattering my lonely heart

    The neediness is so stark

    Certainly not a walk in the park

    Will I ever be able to fill my bottomless hole?

    Will I attain my long awaited goal?

    Of stillness and peace

    Of getting in life a new lease

    Of being able to be mindful and present

    Not to feel like an FBI agent

    Who looks at life with a suspicious lens

    Always so impatient and tense

    Always feeling like I am on the fringe

    Feeling so much shame that makes me cringe

    I want to feel free

    Wholesome and complete

    And to face every day

    With a smile come what may

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you everyone! So heartwarming…..

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    okidoki
    Participant

    Wow

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Wow!! You express yourself so eloquently, and I truly hope you’re able to feel clarity, ease and calm very soon!! Hugs ?!!

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you! Here’s what I wrote to help me with my overwhelming feelings:

     

    As I sit and ponder

    Question and wonder

    Trying to understand life around me

    People coming and going so soundly

    Everyone so confident and sure

    So Happy and secure

    With a clear destination in mind

    Is it only me who feels left behind?

    I have long decided that I will never be included

    I feel shunned and totally secluded

    I feel surrounded and enveloped by shame

    Quietly doing my duties and playing the game

    Smiling to everyone that I meet

    Always a nice word when I greet

    My heart is broken and torn

    From all the traumas I feel shattered and shorn

    I need to process so many feelings

    Things that send me emotionally reeling

    The shame is too tremendous to bare

    With whom my pain I can share?

    I feel engulfed in a sea of confusion

    Is it real or is it just my illusion?

    I keep going like a ping pong ball

    Always on the look out that I shouldn’t fall

    My emotions are not leaving me alone

    Until I just shut them out and become like a stone

    I need to tap into my inner being

    To befriend myself instead of emotionally fleeing

    To let go of all my control

    So that I can rebuild my inner world to become whole

    Only then can I attain peace and serenity

    And live a life of meaning for all eternity

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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