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    TTBB
    Participant

    How can I stop or at least minimize the physical fighting amongst my children?

    What is a fair consequence that I can be consistent with – that will be meaningful enough to stop the fighting in our house?

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    d.f.
    Participant

    Hey! arghh this is a hard one for me. I have tried time outs and they work some of the time. I have also taken away desert but then was afraid that using food as a consequence was not a good thing (aka leads to food and eating issues god forbid) although it worked better than time out – My little ones have my sweet tooth lol.
    I know consistency is important but sometimes i feel like switching it up helps. Like eventually time out becomes a chill and then it doesn’t prevent fighting. Sometimes, I let them have less play time in bed before bedtime. Like usually they have 20 minutes to read or play or watch and if theres physical fighting that would be the first thing to go when time out feels too insignificant. Hope this helps. Would love to hear what other moms do with this issue.. Also, What have you already tried?

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    Chany
    Participant

    i don’t know if this is right but i give my kids weekly allowance and there are two things i deduct for 1-chutzpah and 2- physical fighting. this worshippers much of the time but as with everything in parenting nothing is tried and true 100% at least in my experience.

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    anonymous
    Participant

    i don’t know if this is right but i give my kids weekly allowance and there are two things i deduct for 1-chutzpah and 2- physical fighting. this worshippers much of the time but as with everything in parenting nothing is tried and true 100% at least in my experience.

    Interesting! like your approach because any behaviour becomes habit even when it’s originally done for reward,
    But obviously child needs to be big enough to understand the value of money.
    I would love to hear positive ideas that could work for toddlers

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    TTBB
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thanks Chany.
    I just did something similar with my kids last night (ages 7 and 9). We had a “family meeting” where I spoke about our house being a safe place for everyone. I made a picture of a house with people smiling because we feel safe.

    I then took a little post it note for each chid and wrote their name on top and I wrote “Chanukah Present $20”. I told them that if there is any physical fighting in the house, I will deduct 50 cents and give them a “time out” in their rooms. If they do not go nicely to the time out- ( chutzpah, door slamming, stomping up the steps, trashing bedrooms etc.) I will deduct another 50 cents – total of $1.
    I also told them that if I do not have to deduct any $ for an entire day, they can earn 25 cents for a day free of fighting.

    I am really hoping that this will help to minimize the fighting in our house.

    Thanks again for your response.

    I would still love to hear other moms and professionals weigh in on this topic because different techniques will work for different children and families.

    Additionally, I have younger children who also fight physically but these techniques do not work well for them. Any idea for toddlers- ages 3-5?

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    Chany
    Participant

    wow that sounds so creative – love it! i also like that you add for good behavior.
    have you tried separating younger kids when they fight? like they need to be in 2 separate rooms as a time out because they don’t know how to properly interact.. this usually works for around a 5 year old and the 3 year old may get the hang.. @anonymous yeah this is like behavioral training i suppose..
    I would also like to hear more ideas.

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    Chany
    Participant

    also I feel really good that you tried something similar @ttbb because I was feeling kinda insecure with my approach…i’m liking this…thanks!

    @ttbb Great Question!
    Regarding ages 3-5 i believe they will fall in line once the older siblings reduce the physical fighting as they likely learned it from older siblings in the first place. If the behavioral modifications don’t work and the fighting persists I would look into exploring the underlying anger and urge for aggressive behavior. It may be helpful to provide some anger management skills and coach them in these skills in a fun loving way as you did with the allowance.
    A great book is what to do when your temper flares http://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B005.aspx

    One last point to keep in mind – often children display aggressive behavior when they struggle to communicate their needs, thoughts, and feelings appropriately, and/or have attempted to but were not feeling heard. Best of luck! Rachel

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    d.f.
    Participant

    Thanks Chany. I just did something similar with my kids last night (ages 7 and 9). We had a “family meeting” where I spoke about our house being a safe place for everyone. I made a picture of a house with people smiling because we feel safe. I then took a little post it note for each chid and wrote their name on top and I wrote “Chanukah Present $20”. I told them that if there is any physical fighting in the house, I will deduct 50 cents and give them a “time out” in their rooms. If they do not go nicely to the time out- ( chutzpah, door slamming, stomping up the steps, trashing bedrooms etc.) I will deduct another 50 cents – total of $1. I also told them that if I do not have to deduct any $ for an entire day, they can earn 25 cents for a day free of fighting. I am really hoping that this will help to minimize the fighting in our house. Thanks again for your response. I would still love to hear other moms and professionals weigh in on this topic because different techniques will work for different children and families. Additionally, I have younger children who also fight physically but these techniques do not work well for them. Any idea for toddlers- ages 3-5?

    Hows it going? thinking of implementing this strategy with mine…

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