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    I am confused, I cannot seem to understand

    Why can I not keep up up with the constant demand?

    Isn’t it my job in life,

    To ease all the tension and strife?

    Why do I have this deep fantasy?

    Of escaping to an island surrounded by the sea?

    What is my problem I silently cry?

    Why do I feel so empty and dry?

    I need to work on myself to be better

    I need to follow the rules more to the letter

    To help out even more

    To take upon myself another chore

    Why do I always wait for the next catastrophe?

    I am so negative and needy

    All these thoughts and feelings are driving me insane

    It’s putting on my health a huge strain

    I keep getting sick with ails and infections

    My body keeps screaming: “you need to change directions!”

    I don’t get the message I keep going back there

    Back to the abuse, where there is trauma everywhere

    I cannot put up boundaries I must do it all

    I am invincible I am so very tall

    I don’t want to let my loved ones down

    I cannot handle seeing a frown

    I need to keep everything intact

    I need to live up to my silent pact

    Of proving my worth so that I can continue living

    Of perfecting the art of constantly giving

    Convinced that I am doing the right thing

    By keeping the family from falling

    But now that I have a family to cherish

    Beautiful children to nourish

    I feel burnt out and depleted

    I have from my childhood been cheated

    They keep clamoring for my love and attention

    And I am feeling such turmoil and tension

    “Please I beg I cannot take care of you”

    “I need lots of love too”

    I know that I need to connect to myself in a deep way

    To keep telling myself that I am really okay,

    And to to practice self care

    No effort to spare

    To embrace my whole self every single part

    To sing a song of love in my heart

    Of tenderness and compassion

    Of joy and appreciation

    It will be a balm to my soul

    It will make me feel liberated and whole!





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    Just to preface: I hope my response is coming across as validating and supportive. It’s hard to tell how I come across at times.

    Your poem, which is so well-written, really conveys your pain, emotions and turmoil. I am so so sorry that you’re going through this all. And, from reading your posts, I can tell that you’re doing your best and trying as best as you can to meet all of your responsibilities. That is amazing!!!

    When reading your poem, I’m remembering the term called the Bio-Social Theory, which I believe is a DBT term. Basically, it says that some people are just much more emotionally sensitive than others and certain things such as an invalidating environment can be a big trigger. I can also relate to your neediness a lot!

    In terms of your last few lines about practicing self-care, keep at it! I’m sure you have lots of great self-care tools. Do you enjoy music or coloring? Those can be great self care tools if they speak to you.

    Keep strong!! You’re doing amazing work!! You’re very very strong!!! We all believe in you!!!! 🙂 🙂

    Hugs and love!!!

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    Topic Author

    Thank you! really appreciate your support!

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    In response to avacad0's post #7877:

    My pleasure!

    This poem is amazing and expressive! Reading this has a therapeutic quality, I’m sure that writing it did as well despite the pain & turmoil expressed

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    Yes writing really does help me process my feelings. It is a very powerful tool to unleash inner turmoil. Thank you!

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    Big hugs . Your poem really touched me , you can feel your essence with every emotion lying beneath the words .I feel we all can relate to what you express for various reasons. You write about worlds many of us live in , The best we can do is to keep reaching out , expressing and healing the best ways we can

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    Topic Author

    Thank you! I know that many people can relate to my struggles. It’s just so hard that although we are many we are so alone, because of the stigma and shame that is so common. We all put on this brave front.  But the more I live the more I learn that there are so many things and situations that are really not as they seem on the outside. The most we can do is to work not to be judge mental of others. We should try to understand and give them the benefit of doubt. Every person has a journey that they must travel to reach their destination.

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