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SometimesConfusedParticipant7 months ago
I am working on forgiving myself for things I wish I never did. But I found myself wondering, how can I forgive myself if I’m not sure that the people I hurt forgive me? I ghosted my closest friends and had no idea why I was doing it, yet I couldn’t bring myself to talk to them. Maybe I just couldn’t give so much; you can’t give what you don’t have. Due to past traumas and insecure attachment, I half consciously formed an unhealthy dependent relationship with someone, which I knew would be terrible for the other party. But I did it anyway because I needed to feel close to someone. Really close.. It’s been some time since then, and we’ve stopped talking, no closure. I was hurt, and I know I also caused the other person pain. Am I supposed to apologize for my attachment issues and how it affected that person? It’s definitely something I regret. But, how can I? I don’t want to pour salt onto old wounds. And how would I even word the apology?? But at the same time, I can’t forgive myself knowing I hurt someone without taking any responsibility.
iamafighter15Participant5 months ago
Hey @sometimesconfused! That sounds so hard!!
I went through a lot in my past. And used to eat myself up for everything I did wrong (Believe me, there were many!) Until I heard 2 things that helped me calm down
1-There’s a concept in Judaism of putting your life before everyone else(Chayechu kodmin) Before worrying about anyone else. You need to worry about yourself first!! From your question it seems like you didn’t do things to INTENTIONALLY hurt others! Since you’re human, and humans make mistakes all the time.. You can do what you would with any other mistake. Learn from it. Apologize and move on..
2-Things to remember about past mistakes
Emunah- for the past. Believe that everything that happened was meant to be(Yes, even those huge mistakes and things you can’t believe you did etc.. EVERYTHING!)
Bitachon- For everything that will happen in the future.. It makes a person calm and trust Hashem fully
Hishtadlus- For the present.. We can pray for whatever is currently happening in our lives..
I hope this helps!!
SometimesConfusedParticipantTopic Author5 months ago
Thank you!! it helps to know that someone relates 🙂