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    Chavy
    Participant

    Hi,

    Has anyone ever experienced the feeling of feeling helpless and victimized? I feel that whatever  I embark on whether it’s to make more money or to find a new therapist, the odds are just working against me. I tried and am trying so many ways to make money, including asking people to share my flyers and sharing it on job websites, but I get ziltch (nothing!).

    A rabbi of mine told me that it could be I just have bad mazel or it’s not the right time… and then when I hear about people who are doing things, it really triggers me and awakens the question of ‘how are they doing it and successful?’

    This rabbi also told me that sometimes it makes no sense why some incredibly talented people just aren’t making it and why some “laymen” are making it. I consider myself in the first category, because I do believe Hashem has granted me unique abilities because of my mental health struggles.

    So, how do I make it?? And/or how do reframe that “victimhood” belief and have healthier and empowering thoughts?

    Profile Photo
    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Read living emuna

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Yes! This comment is litterly Me ?I would love to hear the answer to this.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    My mother learns rabbi kelemen’s shuir on shar bitachon and it might help you to learn it. He teaches that no one on this world has the ability to benefit or harm you except god. In life you do your hishtadlut and whatever happens is in the hands of god. Maybe it would help to say “I did my best and now it’s up to you”. Maybe you should ask yourself who really is the one who is giving me life, money, etc? Who is the one who is causing me pain and what message is He trying to give me when all my efforts are not gaining any results? Maybe He wants for you to be closer to Him and to ask him directly! I know personally it’s sometime hard for me to be spiritually on that level. sometimes it’s easiest just to let go instead of holding on so tight.

    Hope this was helpful!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Hi, that does sound stressful but you are doing your upmost you can by doing your hishtadlus and that’s our only ability in this world and the rest is up to HaShem. Also, parnassah wise, it doesn’t matter what job or how high and professional a person is because Hashem allows him to get paid what he’s supposed to-not more or less. So if you were supposed to make money it can be through other ways cuz HaShem will get it to you in a different way and obviously it won’t be through these jobs.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Right, thank you for all your answers. I know the mussar part of it – Hashem is in charge and everything that happens is from Him, but I feel like that’s not cutting it for me.

    I almost feel like people are “out to get me” in the context of not giving me a job. Like, if I am thank God talented, then why would someone not want me? I feel like there’s a collective notion not to hire me not matter how good I try to word an ad/text to send out.

    I don’t know… I mean, most people probably don’t know it’s me behind the ad/text, but maybe they do and they’re denying a job for me?

    I feel like people may know me from the many (anonymous) letters to editors of papers/magazines I sent and from the job emails I sent, so maybe when they see my name they right away think ‘no’?

    Don’t know, just confused! lol.

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #9912:

    this is a good idea, but i feel that I have to first address the emotional aspect of it..

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Literally just have to work harder.
    Can’t want can’t hope
    Just work.
    I was the same way and then I realized there’s trying and there’s doing!!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    I second the opinion abt Shar Habitochon, I’m in middle of learning it and it literally changes your perspective about everything in life! It can definitely answer this question!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    One belief I work very hard on integrating into my psyche is that no one can take what’s meant to be mine. Another belief is that effort and results are not directly correlated.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In the last sentence u answered ur question, it can all be changed, ur deserving of success like anyone else, I think it’s a limiting belief and not right to say that “sometimes talented ppl aren’t just making it and layman are making it” it’s not fair we all deserve to be successful. I found very helpful to work on mindset. The book “it’s all in your mind 2” by Sara Yosef teaches it

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Be positive!
    Find the good everywhere!! It IS everywhere, if you just open your eyes to it you’ll find it. Millions of blessings a day!!
    Start a TYH notebook, or if you’re not such a writing person every day when you say מזמור לתודה have in mind two or particular things from the day before, or say מזמור לתודה throughout the day when something special happens.
    When you focus on the good, you’ll see so much good in your life, it’s there, just open your eyes to it!!
    Wishing you much luck and success in all♡

    -Anonymous WhatsAppers

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you, Whatsappers. I appreciate that. I do try to focus on the positives, but I am hyper-focused on why I don’t seem to be getting the kind of jobs I want. I immensely want to tutor via zoom, sent out ads to friends, they posted it but I didn’t get anywhere. Focusing on the good is valuable, but I still feel victimized…

    Hi Chavy,

    That is such a tough mental place to be in, feeling like nothing we’re doing is working.  Feeling like a victim is a very real barrier and challenge to finding the motivation to do the things we want to be doing.

    I’m not completely sure but I think it is James Clear who talks about how to make concrete goals for ourselves that make us feel proud of ourselves and give us a sense of accomplishment.  The way he outlines this process is through redefining our goals and objectives.  He explains that instead of focusing on the result that we cannot control we should measure our progress by the efforts we put in.  It is through this shift of perspective that we can gain confidence, a sense of self-respect, and a sense of achievement.

    Let’s say we really want to amp up our business and get more customers.  This is an outcome that we cannot control.  Instead, we can write down specific, clear actions we can take that will make it more likely to have this outcome.

    We do this by writing down tasks like make 10 phone calls on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and schedule three in-person networking meetings on Tuesday, and reserve Thursday for learning where we expand our skills and expertise.  Each of these tasks can be broken down even further, but the point is, that when we check off these tasks from our lists, that is when we tap into a sense of pride that we did all the we can do for our goals.  As the saying goes, once we’ve put in the effort then it’s let go and let G-d.

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Vesamachta bechagecha… vehayisa ach sameach.
    The Abarbanel explains that the verse is telling us that by being happy on sukkos (which starts off the year) we will be happy the whole year. Because the nature is that by being happy one acheives happiness.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)

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