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    avacad0
    Participant

    Hi! I haven’t been on here in awhile being that life tends to get so overwhelming!

    I feel so lonely, I am healing from major traumas from my past. I walk around with such a heaviness. I cover up amazingly well to the world, putting on a huge smile on my face. I wish I can have support and compassion in my journey. I feel so needy and lonely at times. I feel like it’s purim for me all year long, masquerading as a happy and confident person when inside I am feeling such sadness and despair.

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    Banana
    Participant

    Wow that sounds rough! Are you speaking with someone? I think it can be really helpful

    Thank you for being courageous and taking that mask off over here to share a bit about your experience and seek guidance.

    Trauma in it of itself can be super isolating, add a global pandemic to the mix and it’s no wonder that your sense of loneliness is intensified.

    When we talk about trauma, one of the key elements that it thrives on is secrecy.  We find healing in integrating our life story including traumatic experiences into our lives post trauma.  And the way we accomplish this is by being our authentic selves with the world around us.

    It is infinitely easier said than done.  A therapist who has extensive training in treating trauma can be incredibly instrumental in helping you through this process of integration and heal.

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    avacad0
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you for your validation and clarification.  I really appreciate it! I will keep it in mind on my journey. I am going through complex PTSD, and there’s still lots of denial and uncertainty that I am experiencing whether it really was so bad and if I am overdoing things.

    I did learn something very powerful that parents need to take care of their emotional issues as a responsibility to the children that they are bringing into this world. Being a parent is not about dressing your kids and feeling fulfilled. It is about making sure that they are properly nurtured so that they can be healthy adults. It is so tragic that so many people just get married and have children who end up suffering such consequences because of the lack of skills and the dysfunction that the adults in their life have. Being an adult means that you take care of your issues whatever it takes. If your marriage is not good then make sure that you get the outside help to make you strong to be that parent. Leaning and turning to your children to fill that void is UNACCEPTABLE you are damaging them and stunting their emotional growth by taking away their freedom of experiencing childhood in a healthy manner.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    Thank you for being vulnerable here!

    What you shared about parenting is beautiful. A similar approach has helped me process things in the past. Sadly, I wasn’t willing to address some things for my own sake but when I realized that I’d be passing on that characteristic to my children, I was motivates to deal with it. As Michali said, a good therapist can be invaluable in healing from the trauma.

    Loneliness itself is horrific. The Purim analogy sounds so very painful. We are all here for you. The beauty of this platform is that you can share freely. You don’t need to pretend here.

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    Chavy
    Participant

    I don’t have much to add other than sharing in your pain. It’s extremely painful to be living such a “double life” where you just want to be real, but not everyone will react to it well. It’s an unfortunate reality, though. I think that if possible, you should find people who are worthy of hearing your story and will not reject you. Someone whose mature and compassionate. Those people are the ones who can hear our stories, and others might judge a little more than necessary. The ones who judge aren’t privileged to hear your story.

    I hope this helps you a little and gives you some comfort and validation.

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    Smiles
    Participant

    I’m new to the forum. Oyyy I feel your pain soso deeply! I’m in that place too! Smiling and looking just so to the outside world. While inside I’m dying. The emotional agony of being engulfed in utter aloneness and loneliness while trying to put up with so many wild waves of brutal emotions is excruciating! My inner child is longing and craving to be seen and loved and nurtured. The pain is too much.
    After a traumatic experience with a nonjewish therapist who judged and shamed me for being needy… I’m taking the courage to start again! I have my 1st session this wk. Feeling heard and understood feels like a fantasy for me. I’m afraid I’ll break down in sobs just seeing someone be gentle. I’m so afraid to trust and allow myself to be seen like that so fast but don’t want to keep it suppressed either…
    Any tips or insights… I’d greatly appreciate…

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Welcome, Smiles!

    So happy you found this forum and place to share!

    First, huge, huge kudos to you for trying therapy again! I know it can be really hard and scary, but I believe that you will be able to push through. Why do I believe? Because you’re posting here and showing how real and courageous you are 🙂

    I would say to go slow and take your time. It takes time to build trust and to establish a safe relationship with your new therapist, and that’s okay. Let the process happen naturally, and you may look back and see how much progress you’re making.

    Also, I would say that it’s important to be open with your therapist. Of course that happens with time, but in general, I would say not to shy away from brining up something that’s bothersome or difficult. If it’s easier, you can write it down and then share it with her.

    I hope this helps and I’m wishing you much hatzlacha!! Keep us posted 🙂

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    Smiles
    Participant

    Hey Chavy! Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!
    thanks for your vote of confidence ??! We are resilient beings after all…
    I’ve been in therapy for yrs now, unfortunately I know oh too well this painful process. I’ve never done real trauma and attachment work, was skills based till now…

    A part of me s very excited to finally be heard n seen in a deep comforting way… I’ll go with that for now.  The fear of trust is so big, I hv faith it’ll speak up when it needs to…

    much continued hatzlacha on your journey as well…

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Hi!

    My pleasure 🙂

    Yes, we are resilient people, especially bc we know what hard times look like! lol.

    Exactly – that you’ll speak about it when it comes up. And it’s great that you’re excited! It’s a good sign!

    Thank you!!

    Hi Smiles,

    Welcome to this forum!  Thank you for your courage in giving a glimpse of what life is like with the pain of trauma.  The loneliness, the pain, the putting on a front to function, it is all so real.  I also want to commend you for trying therapy again.  Unfortunately, you are not alone in having a very damaging experience with a therapist.

    I sometimes view therapy as surgery of the soul, a doctor/therapist opens us up, takes a look around, removes some things, moves some other things around,  and then closes us back up.  We are given instructions for our after-care, and then then we need the space and time to heal and recover from that!  While surgery can be life-saving and often is, sometimes it can be so damaging and that can make the therapeutic process look so scary to prospective clients.

    I deeply do feel sorry that you had such a negative experience with your previous therapist and give you so much credit for starting anew in the hopes of true healing and recovery!

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