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    anonymous
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    Hi everyone,

    I have this issue of feeling extremely guilty( like I’m doing something really bad) whenever I spend/or ask for money even when it’s just about 5-10$ . I grew up with a lot of dysfunction, and have very deep negative emotions in regards to using money. It really affects me in day to day life, as there are always expenses big, and small coming up. And because of my strong emotions I try avoiding it, and would rather have my husband do it, so I shouldn’t feel bad before/ and after. Anyone can relate to this? any helpful ways of dealing with the guilt?

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    Chavs27
    Participant

    i feel similarly

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    Chany
    Participant

    hmm this is tough and i think guilt is just this difficult emotion we all struggle with but as jewish people primarily. The way i would suggest you deal with this guilt is by recognizing it but not acting on the feeling. Meaning, saying something like “yes i feel guilty spending or asking for this money but i know that its a healthy or appropriate thing for me to in this situation and so I’m going to do it despite the negative feelings”. I believe eventually the feelings will subside. To help yourself with the self talk you can think of a healthy role model in your life be it a friend, family member, therapist and wonder what they would say to themselves while needing to spend or ask for the money. Then you can put yourself in their shoes for that moment while you act in a way not dictated by feelings and trauma. Makes sense?

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    Chavy
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    I feel the same way and can very much relate to the strong emotions that come up for me. It’s very consuming and frustrating to deal with! I try doing what Chany suggested and tell myself that this is something important and something that I need. Another thought that just came to mind is working in a heirarchy. Meaning as you do more and more self talk (what Chany suggested), you could gradually expose yourself to spending money and buying things you need. It’s kind of like building yourself up in this area. I don’t know if this would work, but i thought I’d share it and hope it helps somewhat!

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    anonymous
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    Topic Author

    Thank you all,

    Chany I like your suggestion of; recognizing, but not acting on the feeling. Interestingly I have discussed this idea today with my therapist in regards to different areas.

    Chavy  Meaning as you do more and more self talk (what Chany suggested), you could gradually expose yourself to spending money and buying things you need. It’s kind of like building yourself up in this area. I don’t know if this would work, but i thought I’d share it and hope it helps somewhat! like your way of looking at it, will try.

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    Chany
    Participant

    Yes @chavy i like that idea. i think at the top of the hierarchy would be space to work on buying things you don’t need but want. I think it’s so important to give voice to that too and learn to treat yourself but i can understand that would be a more difficult step hence the hierarchy idea is so great. I sometimes get into those moods of not wanting to buy myself anything extra and i can always connect it to something else that’s going on that’s causing me to feel undeserving etc.

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