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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    I’d love to hear how all of you deal with emotions and faith.

    Joy in God is easy. But what about anger at God? Or those days when I doubt His plans? What about when I’m feeling abandoned by Him?

    I don’t believe that the healthy response for me is along the lines of ‘Just trust Him’. I believe it is more authentic to the relationship if I am honest with my experience and with what I’m actually feeling.

    How do you all manage to do that while also maintaining faith?

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    Chany
    Participant

    Ah this is a good but tough one. For me its about being open an honest with myself about my feelings even if they don’t sound nice and dandy, while also making room for the dichotomous concept and belief that even though i don’t understand why, this is His plan for me right now and the best one for me in this moment. In this moment and up to this moment is emphasized because i can then try to pray and hope for a better next moment, hour, day, month, etc. Like that i acknowledge the pain, surrender to my lack of control, and stay hopeful and open for better feelings in the near and far future.

    What’s your approach?

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thanks @chany for sharing how the two coexist for you.

    This is very much still a work in progress for me. It seems much easier to silence my feelings by telling myself to trust, but that doesn’t feel right.

    G-d certainly wants me to be authentic. And sometimes that may mean telling Him how I really feel even though He may be hurt.

    I’m hoping more will share their experiences.

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Interesting topic! I will echo what @Chany said. I believe in being authentic and real with Hashem even when we’re in pain and angry at Him. I personally find that that approach strengthens me as I talk to Hashem and tell Him why I’m angry, frustrated and etc. This doesn’t always come easy to me. Sometimes I remember and other times I forget… And, like @OnAndonAnon said, I think we can feel our feelings and feel close to Hashem.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thanks @chavy.

    I struggle with truly being angry (not rage, anger) with anyone especially G-d. As soon as I start telling myself ‘He knows best’, I also subconsciously tell myself that it’s not okay to be angry.

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Hi @Onandonandon, I totally hear you and I can very much relate to feeling anger with people (when they don’t meet your needs) and Hashem. In terms of feeling angry with Hashem, it may be easier to view it and reframe it into a Dialectic. A Dialectic, a DBT term which refers to holding 2 truths at the same time by using the word ‘and.’ So for this case, it may look like this: I can feel anger, frustration (any other emotion) at G-d/Hashem and I also acknowledge that this circumstance or situation is for my best even if I can’t see it or understand it right now. We could also use a dialectic for people (which i”m not 100% sure how to write it bc I also have a hard time with my emotions and other ppl). I find that dialectics allows for us to feel and process our feelings about whatever is occurring, while simultaneously understanding or acknowlegding another perspective. Journaling may also help. I’m also curious as to why you feel it’s not okay to be angry. Is it something you picked up from a family member?

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    Chavy
    Participant

    I just posted my response (about Dialectics) but I don’t see it. Does anyone see it on their computer? @Onandonandon, you’re not alone in this. Basically what I was saying was that it can be easier to deal with our anger at Hashem or ppl when it’s viewed and framed in a Dialectic. A Dialectic is a DBT term which refers to holding 2 seemingly opposing truths at the same time by using the word ‘and.’ For example, a Dialectic can look something like this:  I’m feeling very angry, frustrated, annoyed (any other emotion) at ____ (the person) because ________ (whatever the circumstance is). And, at the same time, I can also try to acknowledge his/her perspective. In truth, this is VERY hard for me to do. It’s hard for me to understand it from an emotional perspective. What do others feel about it? (@Banana, I typed it up and then wanted to make a change and it disappeared. Very frustrating. Should I use a dialectic here ;)? I’m also curious as to why you feel it’s not okay to feel anger, if you feel comfortable sharing.

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    Banana
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #4691:

    Where did you post that? The last post I see from you (before this one) on this thread is from Friday…

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    Chavy
    Participant

    In response to Banana's post #4692:

    I posted it here just now. I made a change and it just disappeared.

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    Banana
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #4694:

    Oh man. So you posted and then edited it?

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    Chavy
    Participant

    In response to Banana's post #4695:

    Yes, oh man is right! I tried to compose the perfect response (my perfectionsim here) and boim, it vanished! Ya, I posted it and then edited it.

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    Chavy
    Participant

    My post (the one I reposted) is on top. Kind of have to scroll up a bit.

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    Banana
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #4698:

    Cool. So what you lost just showed up in that post or you retyped it?

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    Chavy
    Participant

    I retyped it.

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    Chany
    Participant

    I just posted my response (about Dialectics) but I don’t see it. Does anyone see it on their computer? @Onandonandon, you’re not alone in this. Basically what I was saying was that it can be easier to deal with our anger at Hashem or ppl when it’s viewed and framed in a Dialectic. A Dialectic is a DBT term which refers to holding 2 seemingly opposing truths at the same time by using the word ‘and.’ For example, a Dialectic can look something like this: I’m feeling very angry, frustrated, annoyed (any other emotion) at ____ (the person) because ________ (whatever the circumstance is). And, at the same time, I can also try to acknowledge his/her perspective. In truth, this is VERY hard for me to do. It’s hard for me to understand it from an emotional perspective. What do others feel about it? (@Banana, I typed it up and then wanted to make a change and it disappeared. Very frustrating. Should I use a dialectic here ;)? I’m also curious as to why you feel it’s not okay to feel anger, if you feel comfortable sharing.

     

    This is so perfectly said @chavy. Thanks for sharing! I think its important to practice this in general with all relationships and certainly with our relationship to God. To never feel hurt or angry or disappointed is an unrealistic goal for most people. I think its about holding opposing feelings and managing the discomfort. Certainly easier said than done.

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