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    WhatsAppers
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    How does one know if the problem he’s dealing with is an emotional problem or just a desire he has (for example saying a desire to look at inappropriate things can sometimes stem from something that needs to be worked on inside but other times is just a desire)?

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    WhatsAppers
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    Aren’t desires control by emotions

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    It depends if the behavior have an addictive quality or not. Does he know how far he is from “within normal range.” When did this behavior start. Does he find himself engaging in this behavior following specific events. Etc.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I don’t think there is much of a practical difference. Appreciate yourself as someone that wants to take care of an issue and is taking responsibility and whether you’re discussing with yourself or someone else, find out when are you most weakest in that area and what triggers. All you need to do is your best. If the issue is something that has persisted for years , maybe there is an element out of your control. I used to beat myself for coming late consistently and not understanding my Torah classes and after 2 decades of tirelessly trying over and over I found out I had adhd and coming late and lack of focus are part of me. So start off assuming it in your control. Be nice to yourself and if nothing changes find out more but NOT from google or you’ll think you have some type of disease…

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I have 2 thoughts:
    1-if its getting in the way of his daily functioning, it is an emotional problem, if not, its just a desire.
    2-this gets into the debate of what is the yetzer hara in context of emotional problems. Are our emotional problems really stemming from the yetzer hara??

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    The way I figured this out was through meditation and therapy, namely IFS therapy…
    But if you don’t have access to that, try journaling heavy the next time and getting to the source of it!
    Hatzlacha

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    A “problem” or “disorder” is anything that doesn’t allow you to function normal in society. I’m not sure what you are referring to, so I’ll answer in general terms:

    If your emotional problem makes hard for you to function normally, then it’s a problem.

    That being said, as Jews we have Torah to guide us and there are desires that are NORMAL but we control them (bc part of being human vs an animal is choosing when and how to act). So something might be a normal desire but you still have to work on it.

    There are ways to work on every inappropriate desire and the first step is looking inward, where is it stemming from? Is there a void not being filled? Are there actions that you could do or not do to make it easier for you? Etc.

    Hatzlacha!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Frequency, intensity, duration of the desire popping up and sticking around

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13903:

    Who said it’s a he….🤷‍♀️

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13911:

    Original poster used “he” in the question, seems appropriate to use it in a response

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    This is a great question. Both are potentially true, to an extent. Desire is a healthy part of life, which is important for people to bring into their relationships. There’s also the idea of self-regulation according to one’s values. If someone sees that he’s consistently looking at images which are not in line with the values he wants to live by, we have to wonder what’s bringing him to do it. That’s where the emotional aspect comes in. There’s something he gains emotionally by viewing “inappropriate things”, which needs to be understood and appreciated. What that is could be any number of things. The emotions that bring him to that point, though, are a message that if properly understood, can be used to improve his life. –Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13908:

    Can you explain what ifs therapy is?

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13914:

    Internal family system.
    The book that outlines it is called self therapy.
    Basically, the idea behind it is that every action you do is caused by an inner part trying to help you. There are protectors that protect hurt “exiles” – younger parts of you that hold pain. These protectors can sometimes act in ways that we don’t like. The goal of the therapy is to access your centered, “self” to be able to work with these protectors, heal your inner exiles, and take charge of your life and situations, all from a place of deep inner love and understanding.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13915:

    Love this explanation!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    In response to WhatsAppers's post #13915:

    Well explained in one paragraph. Bravo

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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