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  • This topic has 22 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by Profile PhotoRed4.
  • Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
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    anonymous
    Participant

    Hi wonder if anyone can explain why it sometimes feels very shameful, and hard to share some things with my therapist ( physical abuse that I saw as a child being done to others) as if I actually did it!

    Anonymous- this is an important issue you bring up. First, I want to normalize feelings of shame associated with sharing traumatic events in and out of therapy. If you can discuss the shame and feelings around the sharing of this event with your therapist, that would likely be an important first step. From there your therapist will likely guide you on how to make the conversation feel safer. Some ideas may include journaling to help you externalize the issue and/or writing down the incident details in the therapeutic setting.
    I also want to identify that if you are keeping this content and trauma “locked up” it makes sense that you may be obsessing about it and your thoughts feel confusing and are full of doubt as you stated “as if I actually did it”. Hence, the feelings of increased shame. Wishing you the best- You’ve got this!

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    anonymous
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you for sharing this information. Although most of the time we have the answer in ourselves,
    hearing/reading it from an outsider helps recognize the truth in it, and makes it easier to move on
    to the next step.
    Every time I read it, I feel more empowered to keep growing. And I hope very soon to have the courage
    to go ahead and do it.

    So happy it was helpful. Be patient with yourself. Practice self compassion. I believe you’ll get there!

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    anonymousme
    Participant

    totally makes sense that it would be more difficult to share if you think you did it. I think its normal to experience that type of confusion regarding trauma. Getting it out there is definitely the way to go but it is so difficult and painful. in this case pain is the way. but like @rachelbrezel shared be patient with yourself, you’ll know when you’re ready.

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    anonymous
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thanks for your understanding. Is there anything I can do, to get back to myself

    after a session ? sometimes it takes me till the next session . I sort of have to

    remind myself to concentrate on whatever i’m doing ,and not drift away.

    Sometimes the thoughts take me over and then i’m not in the mood of anything.

     

     

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    orphaned
    Participant

    Try asking your therapist for tips…. Try practicing mindfulness…

    Remember it is a very normal part of the therapy process, give yourself time.

    Try asking your therapist for tips…. Try practicing mindfulness… Remember it is a very normal part of the therapy process, give yourself time.

    Yes.So true @orphaned. It is a normal part of the therapy process. @anonymous Practicing mindfulness is a great way to get yourself back into focus and it sounds like you’re doing that. Remember it’s called a practice for a reason – because there’s no perfection. The work and the success is in the moment you realize you drifted and bring yourself back to the present even for a moment.

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    anonymous
    Participant
    Topic Author

     

    Try asking your therapist for tips…. Try practicing mindfulness… Remember it is a very normal part of the therapy process, give yourself time.

    Yes.So true @orphaned. It is a normal part of the therapy process. @anonymous Practicing mindfulness is a great way to get yourself back into focus and it sounds like you’re doing that. Remember it’s called a practice for a reason – because there’s no perfection. The work and the success is in the moment you realize you drifted and bring yourself back to the present even for a moment.

    Yes I guess should focus on getting better,every day. Not necessarily on being perfect.

    @anonymous – That’s correct. Because there is NO perfection. One day at a time. Some days will be better than others. On the really difficult days you can use the mantra “one hour at a time”. You Got this!

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    anonymous
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Hi , first i would like to thank you all I find this forum very  helpful!  As i’m going through the therapy process, I was b”h able to open up, but I find myself  doing a lot of self-talk , and constantly explaining myself why I feel the way I do, sometimes feeling very down, my therapist says its normal. I’m wondering if anyone has any tips, or perhaps should i just take it easy and let myself feel down sometimes?

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    avacad0
    Participant

    I can relate to you about always having the need to explain myself. In my situation because of my difficult childhood where I had to save my family from falling apart. I was so busy surviving that I never had the opportunity to explore the emotional part of myself. Therefore as an adult i struggle with self doubting myself. I am missing the foundation of an emotional healthy upbringing. But i learnt not to be hard on myself and not to self blame because ultimately i am doing the best i can (which is murder for me) with the tools that i am equipped with. And i am always open to change and to new ideas how to improve my life. And that is really what counts, the willpower to embrace change.

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    anonymous
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thanks @avacado for your understanding. I too find self doubting especially when I ever say no to someone, can you share which tools help you? would greatly appreciate it.

    Hi , first i would like to thank you all I find this forum very helpful! As i’m going through the therapy process, I was b”h able to open up, but I find myself doing a lot of self-talk , and constantly explaining myself why I feel the way I do, sometimes feeling very down, my therapist says its normal. I’m wondering if anyone has any tips, or perhaps should i just take it easy and let myself feel down sometimes?


    @anonymous
    That’s amazing! You should be really proud of yourself for taking that step. And to me it sounds really normal that you’d be needing to almost obsessively use healthy coping skills like self talk to remind yourself that you’re feeling this way because you are working through something extremely challenging.

     

    @avacado you found what really counts in all this-

    …i am always open to change and to new ideas how to improve my life. And that is really what counts, the willpower to embrace change.

    It’s a gift to own this perspective!

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    avacad0
    Participant

    Hi! The tools that have helped me is that at a time that I need to say no to someone or at times when I am overwhelmed emotionally and I need to disconnect from friends for a little bit. I used to be very hard on myself why I cannot push myself more and just do the favor or make more of an effort to call or go out with my friends. I learnt that not everything has to be explained. I try to tell myself that although it may seem that I am selfish-uncaring at times, I know that it is untrue and that my health comes first. So although I will make some people unhappy with me I tell myself it’s anyway impossible to please all the people all the time, so I try my best with the circumstances that hashem has sent my way. And sometimes they will realize in the long run that I did certain things because of certain reasons and sometimes they will just not be happy with me and that is also totally okay. After all it’s a free country and we’re all entitled to our opinions!

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