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    WhatsAppers
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    It’s normal to feel hurt when someone says or does something hurtful to you be it intentional or not. They often don’t realize or are preoccupied with their own hurt or situation.
    So I’ve trained myself to mostly not be upset or mentally not take it personally or to heart.
    However, even though in my head I’m totally ok with the “hurt” I cant seem to shake that sad or hurt feeling when things do happen and I do forgive.
    Any advice on what to do with that painful feeling in the heart when in my mind I’ve forgiven or accept?

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    WhatsAppers
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    Wow that’s a high level you’re at. Try to let yourself process the pain, maybe speak it out with someone so that sadness wont sit on your heart without being taken care of.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    They say the longest distance in the world is from the head to the heart. a lot of times we know what to think but we can’t summon the feelings to match. Really high level is to realize that whatever happened was supposed to happen from God for our ultimate good as a kapara or a test and that person was just a messenger. If she hadn’t hurt you someone else would have. It takes the other person out of it. Even higher level, is to pray for her so she can overcome her hurtful ways.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Feeling hurt is real! You’re allowed to feel hurt and you should when being hurt as you say intentionally or not.
    You have to give yourself the space to being hurt and a little down yet can’t stay stuck on, accept,acknowledge close your eyes in a relaxing spot breath and just say to yourself
    “its ok”
    I find that the saying time heals is really true doesn’t mean there’s isn’t paint but time heals!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Will answer that in length when I have a few minutes
    But my thought is that if you really truly forgive them it should come with letting go of it all and there shouldn’t be any hurt or hard feelings …

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I say its ok to take a couple minutes (or hours) and feel the hurt and acknowledge that what happened wasn’t right. Then when you move on there is no lingering hurt left because you processed it, felt it, learned from it, and let it go.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    I heard a quote from R’ Elephant “emotions are unavoidable but how we react to those feelings can be learned”
    Imagine you are sitting at a red light when suddenly out of nowhere a car smashes into you… a normal emotion would be to get very angry and as you are getting out of your car you’re already reviewing the choice words and tone of voice you’ll be sharing with whoever the person behind you is… finally you get out of your car and standing there is
    A. 5 gangsters with clubs in their hands
    B. A frail bewildered old lady
    C. A woman in labor
    D. Your child
    E. A teen with attitude obviously a little high on something
    Obviously each scenario would evoke a different reaction from you
    So although the initial immediate unavoidable pain was the same in all those cases your reaction can vary greatly
    And in some instances that initial emotion can be forgotten and forgiven just as fast as it arrived

    Yes it may take a lot of role playing planning and practicing but if you’re prepared you’ll be able to have that painful unavoidable emotion and then immediately react to it appropriately which can fully erase or at least drastically reduce the impact of the initial emotion

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    When I started working on myself and realized that they are “sick” people living a fear filled self centered life and are acting out of their own fears and selfish thinking. What I can do is fix myself and make sure I’m not contributing to issues and after that it’s not on me and it’s pointless to be hurt by someone who is emotionally sick…

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
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    Hey! This is a situation that everyone goes through once in their lifetime. I find that 80% of the people do this because they don’t have a sense of like “I need to hold my feelings to myself”. If I was this person, I would allow myself to accept the hurt feelings and say to Hashem, Hashem You brought this girl to me to challange me on how I can manage this situation. This example would be for the future. Once it happens, let it go….

    -Anonymous WhatsAppers

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    WhatsAppers
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    A feeling/emotion only lasts 90 seconds. That is, if we don’t fuel it. However, most of us are conditioned to fueling our emotions with mental/thinking loops/patterns that are negative.

    My advice is simple; but the practice of it takes time and patience.

    1/ Allow yourself to feel the hurt in your body, heart, or wherever it is that you identify feeling it.

    2/ Ask yourself:
    “how am I fueling this emotion?”
    “What am I telling myself that is adding to my pain body and pain story?”

    3/ See if you can identify the mental narrative that is serving to prolong the emotion.

    Some examples:
    “This always happens to me.” “People never keep their word with me.”
    “I am always getting hurt in this way…”

    4/ Once you can identify ways you are fueling the emotion with your mental loops it’s time to start changing the mental narrative.

    5/ Try a different mental narrative that fits the situation even if it’s a bit awkward to be thinking like that at first.

    For example:
    “It’s ok to feel hurt sad or disappointed by people.”
    “People are human and don’t always come thru as expected”.
    “Hurt people, hurt people.”
    “I am working to identify my relationship patters so I get hurt by others less often.”

    I hope this is helpful. Rooting for you!

    X
    Fay

    -This response was contributed by Fay Brezel, LMHC.

    fay

    Hi,

    Feelings exist to help guide us to what is going on within ourselves.  They aren’t always factual but they are important flags to pay attention to.  I think if you’re experiencing hurt then there is something about the experience you had that is unresolved.

    It can be helpful to remind ourselves that we are allowed to feel the hurt and we don’t have to get over it so quickly just because it feels more altruistic to.  We can be human first and the altruism can incorporate that humanity by being balanced, which means we say first “ouch, that hurt, I need time and space to feel and understand that hurt and figure out my next steps in upholding my boundaries and making sure I have my own back.”  Once we’ve done this first crucial step of owning our feelings, that is when the altruistic part of us can come in and say “hmm I know that person was having a really hard day when they made that comment so I’m not holding this against them.  When they are in a better mental place, I will share with them how I understand the context they were in and that I felt hurt by their comment.  I will do this so that they know the parameters of how to treat me.”

    This last piece after the altruistic thoughts of forgiveness is really important for the maintenance and growth of our relationships as it allows room for mistakes, for accountability, and for learning.

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