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  • Hey so Im getting older and dating is not getting any easier. It’s not like I have a whole list that I expect fulfilled I’m looking for a tall solid guy who has interests and isn’t slow. But even with that relatively short list I’m struggling greatly and getting very frustrated. What can I do?

    Any sound advice is appreciated

    Wow! Philosophical Tzadik, this  stage in your life sounds so painful and lonely. I hear how great the struggle is and totally get why you are so frustrated. You are not alone!

    I’m sure you are doing all the things that fall under practical hishtadlus, and trying to strengthen your toolbox of Emunah and Bitachon.

    Let me ask you, what do you do for yourself everyday that makes YOU happy? That makes YOU feel fulfilled and energized? That makes you feel alive and that your life is worth living AS IS?

    This is a journey that for some reason you have to go through, like we all have to go through our own. Instead of having this be a “waiting period” of constant struggle and frustration, how can you enjoy the trip? What can you do to stay calm, accept and feel dignified through this part of your journey?

    Will it be getting yourself involved in a project? Being there for others in some way? Think of things that make you feel really alive! So that when this part of your journey is over, and it should be really soon, you can look back and say that were able to enjoy the ride as best as you can!

    I’m really hoping and davening for you along with all the other single girls and boys out there to find your life’s partner really soon and be able to build a happy home, and to feel fulfilled until that happens.

    All the best.

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    Thank you for your response! I enjoy art as in drawing and painting also reading, writing, and spending time with friends. I make time as much as I can to do all those things because it’s important to me and makes me feel better. And yes I’ve been trying to trust Hashem more but it becomes increasingly difficult as more and more people get engaged. I try to think that my time will come soon and try to enjoy the better parts of my current life but it’s all too easy to fall to despair especially coming off of a failed date

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    I also have a dating blog to give others advice and sometimes, though it, myself too. I help others which makes me feel better and I learn but all of it is temporary relief and when I’m done with enjoyable activities and other activities and lay awake in bed and think of the others that found their match and often easily- and of course I’m legitimately happy for them- but then it’s like what about me and my efforts and strides? It especially hurt when one of my now married friends said she did nothing to facilitate finding her match and instead it fell into her lap as opposed to me who really tries to do great things and do things like davening and learning and giving tzedaka to find my shidduch

    I really feel your pain. You are hurting so much. It’s so painful to watch all your friends get engaged, and to hear how they got what they wanted effortlessly while you’re working so hard. I hear your despair. It’s so understandable. You are not alone.

    You sound like a really growing person who loves to connect to Hashem and other people. You love to help others and enjoy doing fun hobbies for yourself. You are also such an inspiration to others in your situation. You created a whole community for yourself and other! I’m inspired by you for how you make the most of the time you have.

    You are doing all the right things. This is part of your journey so Masterfully given to you by your loving Father. You sound very spiritually oriented, so I invite you to turn your pain to Hashem. He wants to hear from you, he wants His child to connect with Him. Continue to get the support and validation you need from whoever and wherever you feel like.

    One more thing that is 100% guaranteed to work is to start giving three gratitudes a day. For things that go right for you, for things you are grateful and thankful for about your life. Focusing on gratitude shifts my focus from the one thing that’s going wrong in my life to the many amazing and wonderful things that I DO have. I start to feel happier about myself and my life. I also know that when we are grateful to Hashem for the things He gives us, He just bestows upon us more blessing.

    I hope this was helpful.

    I am rooting for you.

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    Keep your list until you’ll find that one. It’s hard but you have to wait until that moment comes. BUT if by anyway you date someone that don’t met the “requirements”, don’t drop immediately because of that, but try to match. Many couples are getting married with someone that didn’t expected.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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