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  • Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 22 total)
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    annonymous
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    It’s hard to come here and speak about the topic of dating with having to go through a journey of mental health. I understand that everyone has to take their time for them to love themselves before loving someone else.

    However, I have been asked by 2 people if I am starting to go out which really gave me feelings of anxiety. There is a lot that I know that we all need to make a happy marriage.

    Does anyone have any tips of how to talk to my therapist about feeling scared about talking about this Topic?

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Wow and boy do I relate to this question!
    Shidduchim aren’t easy, and having a challenge doesn’t make it any easier.
    In fact, I’ve also had a few people ask me about shidduchim, and I even got the go-ahead from my parents, but I’m still very scared. (I have a disorder in addition to Borderline called Dependent Personality Disorder which basically means that I cling to people who provide emotional safety, care and concern, and that is my therapist. I have many obsessive/dependent thoughts that maybe for whatever reason I won’t be able to continue to see my therapist at the clinic… so that’s extremely hard to navigate!) But I would say to have an open and honest conversation with your therapist and ask him/her if they feel you’re as ready as you can be for shidduchim. If you are, then talk about your fears. How can you quell them and/or challenge them?
    I don’t think you have to be ashamed or embarrassed to bring this up with your therapist.
    Bring it up and see how it goes!

    On a different note, I’m wondering if I can get support from people who are also dealing with Dependent Personality Disorder. This, obsessing about certain people who help me, is something that plays out with many people – friends who are affectionate and warm, offer a motherly touch and therapists.
    I would love to hear that I’m not alone in this.

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    GamZuLTova
    Participant

    I have this concern as well, but I’m not in therapy now.

    I have had well-meaning people (my parents, family, friends, strangers I’ve just met) ask if I’m dating yet. I would like to date, but several factors, including my mental health history, personal and family trauma, and difficulty opening up to people makes me fearful of starting to date.

    I’d like to see if any of the advice you receive will be helpful to me as well.

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    Sometimes if there is something I think I may find difficult to bring up I text or email my therapist before our session that I wanted to discuss this but I know it may be hard for me to bring it up. This way your therapist may bring it up or if you know she knows about it you may also find it easier to bring up!
    Wishing you a lot of hatzlacha !

     

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to Chavy's post #11271:

    Yes dpd is something I struggle with, too. Acknowledging the inner child is very helpful.

     

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    I totally hear you! I remember also feel anxious at the thought of starting shidduchim. One thing I did, I stared later, when I was more ready to start than at age 18. I would pray to have a little “shidduch crises” and not meet my spouse immediately. The summer before I met my husband, I felt I was ready to get married and then I met my husband. It’s ok to not feel ready and to take time.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    Chavy
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11291:

    Thank you so much for your validation! It really means a lot to me to know that I’m not alone with this experience. Can you share more about how inner child work helps you? Is it validating yourself, journaling and holding all the painful emotions?

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    I’m in the dating process (albeit, second time around), and I’ve found that when I am honest with a woman about where I’m at and what I’ve been through (and worked on), she might even find that attractive. And if not, I’m certain she’s not for me.

    To the right person, emotional health can be the most attractive thing about you! And to the wrong person, well, they’re the wrong person!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to GamZuLTova's post #11285:

    I’ve never been to therapy but i have the same kind of problem. I really want to get married but im terrified that my anxiety isn’t under good enough control and that once i get married the guy will realise he made a mistake marrying such a mess. Im also scared of opening up to people after a really close friend left me. Any advice? Is it ok to start dating ?

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11303:

    Really nice point!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11303:

    So smart and to the point. Very intuitive guy, and honesty is always the best policy.

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11303:

    ???? great answer

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11304:

    Maybe go for therapy? Theres nothing wrong with that and ur life will improve!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11303:

    This is me, although I’m a woman… never heard guys talk like that…

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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    WhatsAppers
    Participant

    In response to WhatsAppers's post #11304:

    This message couldve been written by me except i didnt do what I’m gonna tell this person to do.
    Get the help now! Dont wait until you’re married. Everything just gets more complicated. Get the help you need now so you dont have regrets later on. Talking from unfortunately difficult experience. Good luck!

    -Anonymous WhatsApper

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