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  • This topic has 20 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Profile PhotoChavy.
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    Chavy
    Participant

    I just came from a DBT group which I really like. During and after the group, I was really nervous about what would face me when I get home. Would my parents be home. Would I be able to deal with my negative emotions? So, I started writing a cope ahead plan. It helped, but I was still very anxious. I then took out a ball, and started squeezing it vigourisly and used another dbt skill and pumped myself up when I got home instead of getting enmeshed in my painful emotions. It felt a bit strange to pump myself up but it also felt good.

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    Carver
    Participant

    Sounds like the DBT group’s been helping. I’m not sure how easy it is to socialize after coming home from therapy but I think you did the right thing by distracting yourself with writing, etc.

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you!

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    Chavy – good for you! Wonderful that you started to write. That’s the best thing.

    I also do some work around “deliberately thinking” ahead. For example, you come from your group, you know ahead of time transitioning back home may be this or that.

    How would you like to see your transition go? How do you want to show up feeling wise? light? stress free? empowered? then what can you choose ahead of time to think that will lead to feeling that way for yourself. Envision it. Plan for your parents being home. Plan for what they may say. The key is what would you like to say to them,, how do you want to show up, regardless of their presentation. You hold the power.  good for you and the group!

     

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Dr. Joanne Royer's post #5424:

    Thank you so much! I find that this deliberate thinking prepares me for what’s to come next. For example, on Friday’s, my job is to clear things up so that we can prepare of shabbos. I tend to get very overwhelmed bc the house is very messy and it effects my ability to work well. So, I with the help of a friend and the DBT skill called Opposite Action, I just did whatever small things I can do. It really empowered me and gave me “permission” to do other things like check out this forum 😉

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @chavy – excellent! I find that its easy to overwhelm with a ToDo list. what’s the ONE THING, you can target for example on Friday when you are clearing things up. Set the intention to focus on just 1 thing….that action in and of itself will be contagious, then you can choose, if you want to, the next ONE Thing. also use a timer! esp. on forums. Decide ahead of time (I have 10 min.) – set the timer. explore the forum, say what you want, etc…time rings, DONE.

     

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    alwaysworried
    Participant

    Yes,  to do lists overwhelm me but i need to have them. I do find its so helpful when I can force myself to focus only on the first ONE thing on the list and ignore the rest till that’s completed. those are my best productive days. Most days i hobble from one to the next before completing the first thing etc and i get exhausted and feel like i can;’t even check off one thing..

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    It’s also a good idea to know what part of the day is the most productive part, where you have the most energy. That is where you’ll want to then tackle the ONE THING. most often procrastinating is linked to anxiety around “doing”….so you’ll want to tackle your ONE THING at the time of day that you have the most UMPH! set an intention tonight for the ONE THING tomorow. then when you rise you have your plan already laid out and the brain power to do it.

     

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    To do lists also overwhelm me but i also find that they keep me on track. @drjoanneroyer, I understand the reasoning behind the idea of tackling one thing, but being that there’s so much to do, I don’t know if it’s realistic to only set out to do one thing. Though, I can definitely try to focus on one thing, which is also hard. What’re your thoughts (and anyone else’s) on focusing only on 1 thing a day?

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    what tend to happen is overwhelm sets in because of ALL the things on our list. and then generally no action takes place or you can tend to feel unproductive. the ONE THING is to create a focused and targeted plan. you may have 10 things to do, but all 10 won’t probably get done. 10 things are really just 10 INDIVIDUAL things. the goal is to focus on one main project for the day. complete it. check it off. if you are ready to tackle then your next “one thing” go for it. momentum builds upon itself.

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Dr. Joanne Royer's post #5451:

    For sure! I do get very overwhelmed by to-do lists. If I understand correctly, you suggest doing one thing at time within a 10 items on a to-do list? Like doing each task mindfully and then going onto the next one?

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    Dr. Joanne Royer
    Participant

    @Chavy good morning!

    try not to put a # on it. that often creates an expectation. most of us have more than 1 think on our perpetual “to do” list. What’s the ONE THING today you want to accomplish. just target that.

    the goal is the feeling that is connected with your result of accomplishing it. and since you can’t have a feeling (99% of the time) without a thought associated with it, that is what will give you the motivation to then tackle your next ONE THING.

    if you are are a procrastinator, take note of what you are procrastinating on…

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    CTab
    Participant

    I find that this deliberate thinking prepares me for what’s to come next.

    That’s exactly it: you’re doing more than distracting yourself from upsetting thoughts or your anxiety. You’re actively changing your train of thought into something proactive and productive.

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    Carver
    Participant

    In response to CTab's post #5457:

    It’s probably the most difficult part of living with anxiety or depression: having to actively be engaged with your emotional state in order to know when to step back and focus on your mental wellbeing. But it can be a real life-saver!

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to CTab's post #5457:

    Thank you!

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