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  • This topic has 31 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Profile PhotoChavy.
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    Chavy
    Participant

    Anyone have any ideas or ways to contain high levels of anxiety? I’m trying to use DBT skills, and putting my trust in Hashem, but because of my anxiety, OCD, Borderline and other diagnoses, it’s so hard. I’m undergoing medication changes so I’m much more vulnerable than I used to be. And I see that trying to control, control is actually wearing me out, but I’m just not sure how to stop it. I can go from 1 worry to a zillion more, and it’s so hard to stop the cycle mindfully. I want to stop it, but there’s also some resistance, because I feel like I’m in control.
    I also think I need to try and make a bigger effort at saying NO! to all my obsessional thoughts and worries and then mindfully refocus myself, but I’m not that disciplined – yet. I also just want someone to do the work for me, but I know that only I can, and that I can do it, so I’m definitely trying.
    Thank you!

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Gut voch all!
    I’d love to get validation and support from all of you!
    Thank you.

    Hi Chavy,

    You hit the nail on the head–anxiety is exhausting!

    It sounds like you have some good skills in place and are honestly trying and that goes such a long way.

    When I am feeling particularly anxious, I like to meditate. There are some great meditation playlists on Spotify and YouTube, including some done by OKclarity professionals.

    Keep up the work you are doing! Best of luck!

    Hey Chavy!

    To echo @robingoldman’s sentiments, I would highly recommend implementing a mediation practice.

    Meditation is helpful for this precise purpose – when our thoughts are spiraling. Meditation allows us to watch the thoughts and when we recognize that we are the watcher and a separate entity from our thoughts, those same once terrifying thoughts lose much of their control.

    In other words, instead of trying to control your thinking, meditation practice helps you maintain control over your life by not needing to control your thoughts (since controlling our thoughts is not possible or sustainable).

    Meditation is a practice and doing it once or twice might not help or feel awesome, but it is something I would encourage you to commit to on some level for 30 days or so.

    If saying NO! to all the thinking is not helping currently, perhaps ask your therapists for some alternative and or paradoxical approaches. Having your therapist support you through meditation and other self-talk approaches which allow you to have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without acting on them etc. could help you implement this alternative style of relating to the symptoms you mentioned above.

    Lastly, instead of targeting the thoughts, sometimes the best and easiest way to change our feelings is by changing our behavior, especially through motion and movement.

    This looks like dancing it out, going for a walk, listening to a stimulating show or podcast while walking outside, etc as soon as you notice the thoughts creating an unpleasant feeling pattern.

    Engage in some healthy movement and motion even if you don’t feel like it… because that’s precisely why it is the prescription. If we felt like doing those things we wouldn’t need to do them in those very moments.

    I hope this helps. I am rooting for you!

    Profile Photo
    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Wow, thank you Robin and Fay for these suggestions!
    Im not really into meditation, and have tried it, but I could try it again. I’m also not exactly sure I understand what you mean by the meditation “controlling” our thoughts. I know the idea that thoughts are just thoughts, but thoughts can be scary. If I’m having a thought about whether or not I’m returning to my job, that’s a scary thought because it engenders a lot of anxiety and what if thoughts. And the same about this worry that just happened:

    My friend asked me to tutor her daughter, but it’s a scary thought because it engenders a lot of anxiety too. Can I do it…? Will I be too anxious to do it…?
    I can talk to my therapist about this, but I have a gazzillion other things to talk about in only 45 minutes.
    Maybe you, @Fay or Robin can suggest a short guided meditation that talks about my fears with thoughts?
    And I don’t know how much I believe that a thought is just a thought when it’s about something potentially to happen and gives off a lot of anxiety.
    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this!

    In response to Chavy's post #11705:

    You can use Headspace or Calm. they have free trials and /or free versions. They definitely have guided meditations for anxiousness and obsessive worrying etc.

    Thoughts can be scary if we decide to believe the ones that trigger fear. But they are not scary when we learn to watch them, observe them, and not believe or attach ourselves to the ones that don’t serve us.

    You can’t control automatic thoughts but you can always choose your next thought and you can choose the thoughts you want to believe.

    Automatic thought: What if tutoring makes me way too anxious…

    Next thought that you can choose Option 1:

    I have done challenging things before and they turned out wonderfully. I can do this and I am excited to challenge myself again and make some money while I’m at it. 

    OR

    Next thought that you can choose Option 2:

    Right now, the idea of tutoring feels like too much for me so I am making the decision to decline. I am proud of myself for making this decision and trust that as I continue to strengthen myself emotionally I will be able to embrace even better opportunities that come my way.

    Option 1 or 2 are both excellent. They each empowered you to choose thoughts that bring freedom and peace to your life. And that is the ultimate goal.

    Rooting for you!

    Hi Chavy.

    I love your unwavering commitment to show up as your best self with your anxiety.

    I love what Robin and Fay have been saying and want to expand on their points just a little more which might clarify things.

    A circumstance is neutral. It’s not good or bad and doesn’t make us have a feeling, until we have a thought about it.

    Taking the example you gave of someone asking you to tutor. That is a neutral circumstance. Someone else might feel very happy and excited about such an opportunity.

    Now, you might think that this offer made you feel anxious. Actually, it didn’t. Because circumstances can’t make us feel a certain way. The circumstance triggered a thought which produced the feeling of anxiety.

    Now, the feeling of anxiety is not harmful and it can’t hurt you. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes very uncomfortable. What’s exhausting are the thoughts and meaning we put behind the feeling of anxiety.

    If you are able to separate these three things, that can empower you to look at your thoughts and what they’re creating for you. This might propel you to see that these thoughts are not serving you, which might want to make you change your thought.

    So the steps are:

    Circumstance triggers

    Thought which produces

    Feeling which generates

    Action which causes

    Results

    Notice how you are creating the exact result you don’t want by have that thought. It has nothing to do with the circumstance, because circumstances are always neutral.

    I hope this helps you self- coach yourself and see your thoughts objectively, and ultimately change them to something that serves you better for the result you want to create.

    I know you’ve got this Chavy! You can do it!

    Profile Photo
    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you so much Fay and Rivky Dasheff for taking the time writing this!

    I do hear and understand the cycle of thoughts, that there’s a neutral event, and it the thoughts that can make it harder. But what if I’m fearing a real thing, like whether or not I’ll return to my job next year, and if I don’t, I have worries about having enough money etc. So in that context, how is that thought just a thought and not scary? If I don’t continue with my job (which I’m going to decide later on) my father raised the concern about finding another job when I were to look for one. Who would want someone who had to leave (if I don’t come back)? Although I’m trying not to think about it now and only later on in the month, it’s still very fearsome.
    I hope I’m not sounding too negative…

    And thank you Rivky for your compliment! It really really encouraged me (whereas some people told me that if I decide I can’t, then I won’t be able to my therapist was just telling me that reality because she really believes in me and felt I needed to hear that. She told me she wouldn’t be seeing me if she didn’t think it would help.)

    Profile Photo
    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    I don’t want you to think negatively about her. She just wants me to use my skills and to be able to help myself which I definitely am trying to do. The problem is really me…

    Profile Photo
    etheldstill
    Participant

    Hey Chavy! To echo @robingoldman‘s sentiments, I would highly recommend implementing a mediation practice. Meditation is helpful for this precise purpose – when our thoughts are spiraling. Meditation allows us to watch the thoughts and when we recognize that we are the watcher and a separate entity from our thoughts, those same once terrifying thoughts lose much of their control. In other words, instead of trying to control your anxiety symptoms, meditation practice helps you maintain control over your life by not needing to control your thoughts (since controlling our thoughts is not possible or sustainable). Meditation is a practice and doing it once or twice might not help or feel awesome, but it is something I would encourage you to commit to on some level for 30 days or so. If saying NO! to all the thinking is not helping currently, perhaps ask your therapists for some alternative and or paradoxical approaches. Having your therapist support you through meditation and other self-talk approaches which allow you to have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings without acting on them etc. could help you implement this alternative style of relating to the symptoms you mentioned above. Lastly, instead of targeting the thoughts, sometimes the best and easiest way to change our feelings is by changing our behavior, especially through motion and movement. This looks like dancing it out, going for a walk, listening to a stimulating show or podcast while walking outside, etc as soon as you notice the thoughts creating an unpleasant feeling pattern. Engage in some healthy movement and motion even if you don’t feel like it… because that’s precisely why it is the prescription. If we felt like doing those things we wouldn’t need to do them in those very moments. I hope this helps. I am rooting for you!

    best things to do. I never seen such a support from any forum. Love this community .

    Profile Photo
    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to etheldstill's post #11779:

    Yes, I agree that this community here is amazing and full of love. I’m thinking about maybe doing a meditation, like a short one, but I think it might be easier if I can get someone to pick out a short beginner one for me. There are tons, and I’m sure they’re all amazing, but my OCD (obsessing over which one is the best one).
    If not, I can ask a friend to help me.

    In response to etheldstill’s post #11779:

    Yes, I agree that this community here is amazing and full of love. I’m thinking about maybe doing a meditation, like a short one, but I think it might be easier if I can get someone to pick out a short beginner one for me. There are tons, and I’m sure they’re all amazing, but my OCD (obsessing over which one is the best one). If not, I can ask a friend to help me.

    Chavy, challenge yourself to pick one out yourself! Stop using OCD as a crutch. Yes it’s there, yes it’s a tendency of yours, but it doesn’t have to be the reason you do or don’t do certain things. The healthy parts of you (non OCD parts) has tremendous capabilities, practice giving voice to those parts. Aka. Choosing a meditation. Going through a few of them until you find one that feels like a good fit or until you get tired of obsessing over it… bottom line, stop taking the labels you have given yourself or others have given you to describe your struggles so seriously and instead focus on giving voice to the healthier parts of you!!!

    Profile Photo
    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Fay Brezel's post #11781:

    Ouch, that is true! I will go for it.

    In response to Chavy's post #11782:

    Yes!!! Yay! I am rooting for you!

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    Chavy
    Participant
    Topic Author

    Thank you!!!

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