[TTBB]

Hi! I just wanted to share something that I recently heard from Rabbi Bentzion Klatzko.

He said that the most beautiful way to compliment a child is by saying, ” I love watching you _color, build lego, learn chumash, play piano______”.

I have done this with my children several times since I heard it from Rabbi Klatzko and I can see them glowing when I say it.

[Hello1]

Thanks so much for sharing this. It sounds so basic yet I’ve never practiced it and have yet to hear or whiteness it. I will definitely try it out.

[Banana]

TTBB wrote:

Hi! I just wanted to share something that I recently heard from Rabbi Bentzion Klatzko. He said that the most beautiful way to compliment a child is by saying, ” I love watching you _color, build lego, learn chumash, play piano______”. I have done this with my children several times since I heard it from Rabbi Klatzko and I can see them glowing when I say it.

Thank you for sharing! It’s so simple yet much better than the usual “You’re the best at _” or “You’re perfect _” as those can lead to perfectionism/OCD… thank you!

[TTBB]

Thanks for commenting! Yes. I did not think of it that way but now that you’re saying about the OCD/ perfectionism- it makes so much sense and maybe that is why I feel so much better saying this type of praise to my children.

[Banana]

TTBB wrote:

Thanks for commenting! Yes. I did not think of it that way but now that you’re saying about the OCD/ perfectionism- it makes so much sense and maybe that is why I feel so much better saying this type of praise to my children.

Thank you! 🙂

[OnAndonAnon]

Thanks for sharing that!

I try to be very sensitive to how I compliment my children so as to make it all about them and not about me or what I want for them.

Similarly, when it comes to telling them that I love them, I never tie it to reasoning (such as a well meaning ‘I love you because you’re…) and try to let them know I love them simply because of who they are and because they are my child.

[Banana]

OnAndonAnon wrote:

Similarly, when it comes to telling them that I love them, I never tie it to reasoning (such as a well meaning ‘I love you because you’re…) and try to let them know I love them simply because of who they are and because they are my child.

I like that! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

[Fern Weis]

I learned something very powerful about complimenting children (and everyone else) that helps them build their self-esteem — to point out the personal quality they are showing, rather than praising their accomplishment.

So, instead of saying, “You’re such a good friend,” you point out  how carefully she listened when her friend was upset.

Instead of “You’re a great basketball player,” you notice, “You were a real team player passing the ball.”

Recognizing their own strengths… this can never be taken away from them.

[Chany]

@fernweis yes i love that idea. Like this your complimenting effort instead of an end desired goal. It also helps the person identify what they’re doing that worked instead of them feeling confused and thinking it was arbitrary…

[Author]

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