- Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 32 total)
BananaParticipant3 years ago
Hope all you guys are doing well.
This is a really hard one so I hope someone can help. I’m trying to clean my room and I’m struggling (as is always the case). I have lots of the same wire (and many other stuff but this is just one example I’m giving) from all different electronic products I own or have owned or someone in my house has owned. I keep all of them cuz “they take up so little space” and “maybe I’ll need them or someone I know will need them”. Then I think “maybe I’ll just keep a few”. But then I think – i want to keep the best quality ones and I don’t know which those are. Then I realized even if someone asked for one I wouldn’t know which to give cuz I’d want to give the lowest quality one so as not to give away the high quality wires. See how crazy?
Same thing with empty boxes of products I own or have owned. For example, if I own it I wanna save the box in case I want to get info it says on the box or resell it (it’s worth more if I resell with box – probably is I never have to sell a ton of stuff I have waiting to be listed and sold). Or if I don’t have the product anymore – I can technically try to sell Apple product boxes cuz people buy empty ones online to use to resell their item (they threw out their box cuz they’re normal ????) to make it worth more. But I never have time to list the empty box. And it’s only worth $15 maybe and it’s a big hassle. But it shouldn’t be such a hassle to list it’s just that I have so many things going on at the same time it’s too hard. And maybe I can get more than $15 cuz it’s in good condition and I know how to list things well. What do you say? Please feel free to ask for clarification if I wasn’t clear. Thank you!3 years ago
Hey! first off i love the humor you spiked this with. I couldn’t help but break into a smile a couple of times despite feeling the challenging part of what you’re going through. One thing is for certain- you have great self awareness and that is the first and most crucial step to any sort of change. Everything you shared made sense to me surprisingly because i’m the exact opposite, or close to exact opposite. I also have great disdain for cleaning my room and actually as I’m writing this i realize that I struggle similar with the clothing aspect of my room cleaning. I never want to throw or give anything away even if i haven’t worn it in years because it was expensive, is still in good condition, i can sell it, etc. With other things like papers and gadget stuff i dont use im happy to toss them because they annoy me and i convince myself that once it’s out of site it’s out of mind and if i haven’t used it in many months or years chances are i won’t use it in future and its worth the risk to forfeit needing it later on and living in a clean space than hoarding everything to save x amount of money or hassle 5 months or 5 years down the line. I can identify with you because of my issue with the clothing. What has helped me then is thinking that i can and will give it to charity and that its worth getting a mitzvah and cleaning my space even if i will regret having given something away in the future. And truth be told it has happened many times that i did regret giving st away but then i reminded myself why i did it and also imagined to myself what my closet and life would look and feel like if i never departed from anything. That picture is enough to let the feeling of regret wash over me and live with myself so to speak. So i know im yapping away but basically maybe you can try to find good – really good reasons for letting go of all this stuff and know there will be times you will regret it but the payoff will be greater the the feelings of loss. Know it will hurt in the moment and enlist some support if you can in helping you toss or give things away. I definitely think thats the healthiest route. I dont know how old you are or what your finances look like but st tells me you can be doing a lot more with that 30 minutes for 15 dollars that a wire or box would afford you. And dont beat yourself up for the fact that it takes time to list and sell thats totally normal unless you do that for a living. I think i was read that switching from one activity to another takes up most of our time and energy in a day. Transitions, even simple ones tend to use a lot of mental energy and focus so of course don’t beat yourself up for that but rather use that as a reason to choose NOT to spend your precious time and energy on frivolities in the big picture of life. Hope this helps a bit! I can go on and on but ill spare you 😉3 years ago
I can so relate to your post on keeping things and having a hard time differentiating between ‘will I really need them’ or ‘is it just my anxiety/Ocd that’s telling me “what-if” you need it. I also really like @always worried’s suggestion of throwing things away bc it’s a better option in the long run. I have a really hard time with throwing papers out bc “maybe I’ll need it” and they are important. @Always worried, would you be able to clarify the last part of your post regarding transitions? Also, any ideas on how to differentiate between truly needing something and keeping it if it’s worthwhile and not because of Anxiety? Thanks!3 years ago
Hey Chavy- sure. I was responding to banana’s reference to why he/she can’t just sell the small item etc and how it’s only a few minutes etc. I was saying that the concept of transitioning to post and sell the item online or transitioning to any task during the day in general is what takes up a lot of our time and energy and therefore we should be cautious that the things we put on our to do list are important. Not waste time with crossing a bunch of t’s or dotting i’s. Regarding you’re second question i think its the ocd anxiety trap that wants us to be sure or certain that we truly need something or that its anxiety etc. i dont think we are ever privy to that knowledge because none of us know the future. We may need it or not so beating this anxiety/ocd for me means saying its ok that im not certain that discarding this is right but i’m going to do it anyway because im for sure beating my anxiety by making a decision and not hoarding, if thats one’s tendency. Makes sense? Maybe a pro can help clarify…3 years ago
Hi! Yes, that makes perfects sense! I like that self-talk – of acknowledging the anxiety/ocd, but not giving in. Thank you!3 years ago
Fay BrezelAdmin3 years ago
Spot on always worried. Anxiety and ocd always seeks certainty and when we ‘starve it of that pleasure’ we win.
OnAndonAnonParticipant3 years ago
Guys and our Qelectronics:). I appreciate this topic. And your honesty.
For me it manifests itself differently, but the fear and anxiety are there nonetheless. The what-ifs can pop up in so many ways, and then the justifications of time, energy or resources jump right in to reinforce my lack of willingness to take action.
Recognizing it as fear helps sometimes.
Good luck with addressing the underlying stuff!3 years ago
Hi again everyone,
Wow, thank you so much to all of you for your ideas and support.
@alwaysworried, your posts are truly brilliant and well thought out. Just curious what you mean with throwing things out cuz if it’s out of sight it’s out of mind? How does that help you throw things away? Also, to answer your wonders, I’m single in my 20s and don’t really have a job that I can justify time=money not to sell things. But I have been doing a lot of thinking and work this whole week trying to clean my “life” and coming to the realization that I must dump anything that’s even a question. One person told me that I shouldn’t try to find reasons why I won’t need stuff but rather I should come to the understanding that it’s very likely I will need the item but it’s worth throwing it out to have a clean space (and hence a clean mind). Now I’m struggling with cleaning my papers which I have tons of! I started listening to the audible version of Marie Kondos book and I really want to do her program. You’re supposed to clean your entire life in one day and it’s supposed to be so life changing that you never revert back. You’ll be living in your dream space and you’ll be able to focus on your underlying issues and life’s dreams. I’ll keep you guys posted if I’m able to follow through.
Fay BrezelAdmin3 years ago
Good for you @banana. Ive never heard of Marie Kondos approach but i will certainly check it out. It sounds intense but ultimately life changing.
I like the advice you received regarding not trying to reason or rationalize with the anxiety/ocd because it nearly impossible to ‘win it over to your way of thinking’.
Please keep us posted on how it’s going! You got this 🙂3 years ago
I think what i meant was that once you throw away an item that is difficult for you to let go of you will likely not think or stress about it for as long or as painfully as you initially envisioned. Why is that? I like to use the principle of “out of site out of mind”. When it’s not in your face you mind will likely get busier with things that are more present and current. There may be a mourning and obsession period but overall this general rule has worked for me… Makes sense?3 years ago
Hey @onandonanon thanks for checking in. It’s still a work in progress but definitely made major major improvements thanks to you guys and to the Marie Kondo book! Almost done all my stuff. Dumped 5 full bags of garbage and a ton of empty boxes. Life is feeling lighter. I encourage anyone going through clutter to follow this method. I’ll try to update when I’m done for real.