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  • Viewing 13 posts - 16 through 28 (of 28 total)
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    Chavy
    Participant

    Welcome back!! We surely missed you!

    It’s great that your therapist is open and non-judgmental about it. As far as your feelings go, I would probably say to just be mindful and curious about how you’re feeling about your watching. Are you ashamed? Embarrassed? If you are, that’s okay and totally normal. You then might want to see if your feelings tell you anything about why it’s so hard to talk about your challenge in detail. Or, maybe you’re worried that your therapist is judging you (which doesn’t sound like it at all, but nevertheless, can be a worry).

    And, taking it a step further, if you feel comfortable, you can explore this with your therapist (as opposed to thinking and reflecting about it on your own).

    Keep us updated on how it goes!

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    Keepsmiling
    Participant

    Thanks!!

     

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    Keepsmiling
    Participant

    Will do!

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    Chavy
    Participant

    ?

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    YiddishImma
    Participant

    In response to Keepsmiling's post #8294:

    Hi! I admire your honesty and commitment to move past this addictive bahavior!

    You are so not alone with this! So many of us try to cover for our deep emotional needs with easy fulfillment n thrill… I know I do sometimes. And I know how much courage it takes to tend to my real needs. So kudos!

    My advice would be “go with your gut n cut the rest out!”

    If u feel like in order to move forward you need to share the chatting part with your therapist, trust yourself!

    If you feel like the time isn’t ripe yet or that u want to another route of how to address this, again trust yourself!

    Sometimes change needs to happen mid-way. Just because you started out feeling like confessing is right doesnt mean that you have to continue that way.

    Beware of the difference between fear-voice and the intuitive voice. Hatzlucha raba!!

    Hello,
    I would like to echo Chavy’s words here. Opening up about a topic that is shameful and personal took a lot of courage, but going into the detail can be even more frightening. It seems like you have a supportive and receptive therapist. Part of the therapeutic work is not just about sharing the content, but also about the nature in which the content is being shared. Talking about the talking can be very helpful to help you uncover and explore some of the feelings you may have towards your behavior. Chavy said it so eloquently, thinking about this and reflecting on this with your therapist is the way to go.

    Best of luck!
    Chaya

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    Balance123
    Participant

    Hi,

    I have gone through such a thing recently and I was mortified to tell my therapist or anyone for the matter. I knew I had to because secrets are what keep me sick.
    I couldn’t bring myself to tell my therapist, so I wrote a journal entry, unfiltered and I wrote it to myself. I did not read it over. A few days later I showed it to my therapist and we were able to take it from there. I also let her know when I showed her the journal entry that I was not comfortable doing so. I hadn’t reread the entry so I didn’t even know exactly what I was showing her but I knew I was showing her the basic idea. I find writing a lot easier and less embarrassing then talking.

    i hope this can help you if even a little.

    Good luck and I feel for you.

    @Balance, that takes so much strength and faith, kudos to you for allowing yourself to open up and deepen the work you are already doing!

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    Rivkah Kaufman
    Participant

    Hi There!

    First, I wanted to add my my support to the other voices of encouragement and help on this site, and commend you for your bravery in disclosing about chatting. Talking about this issue here, and certainly to your therapist, is no easy thing to do, so well done for taking those important steps!

    Second, I wanted to respond to your difficulty in talking about chatting. As a therapist, I’ve found that there are issues clients talk about with relative ease, even if they’re very disturbing. But sometimes there’s a really hard issue (HI) they’re struggling with, one they’ve never disclosed, that fills them with enormous shame, guilt, and pain. And even though that HI may appear less disturbing than issues they’ve already discussed without such difficulty, that’s the one they find almost impossible to talk about.

    I understand this difficulty, though, because in my own therapy, and with my own HI, I’ve encountered this phenomenon myself. In those initial sessions where I’ve disclosed, getting the words out was excruciating – they felt like glue stuck to the insides of my mouth – I couldn’t even look at the therapist when I was trying to say them. And as both client and therapist, I’ve become curious about why it’s so hard to speak about some things, but not others. Eventually it dawned on me that when you’ve never actually articulated the unspeakable, or formed coherent sentences around it, the unspeakable turns into this tangled mush of shame, pain, and self-loathing. No wonder it’s so hard to talk about!

    But I’m here to tell you that it will get easier. And why? Because of the principle of adaptation. Once you’ve sturggled through the initial HI discussions – you inevitably begin to process and turn the HI into a narrative. You start to understand your drives and urges, and become more mindful of situations in which they arise, start to pay more attention to the behavior and the consequences. And over time, you may become aware that something you initially wanted to do, at some point, turned into something you’re compelled to do. Which isn’t so much fun. But since you now have more awareness, and the help of your therapist, you also have more choices, which makes it easier to decide what you want to do going forward.

    I hope this helps, and wish you continued success in your journey!

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    ANONY613
    Participant

    hi! I commend you on opening up about this n this platform as well as in therapy! It’s hard to open up about these sorts of struggles, I know from experience. I dealt with similar issues for a long time and I know someone mentioned it earlier but if you haven’t checked it out, go to guardyoureyes.com.

    The site is absolutely incredible. It’s a whole community based on these kinds of problems (pornography and addiction to it) and the site has resources to help anyone. I’m part of the site too. They kinda focus on what YOU WANT to change in your life as opposed to what’s right/wrong al pi halacha.

    Hatzlacha with everything!

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    LoyalYingel
    Participant

    As far as I see it’s actually no big deal that your’e doing it. Everyone has needs and not everyone has a sensible way of satisfying them. Me, I hang out with my wife, but what if I had no wife to hang out with? If anything is the culprit here it’s a deep sense of shame, possibly societal since it’s about the expectation of normalcy. Have your therapist help you accept that this is the behaviour that you have fallen into however maladaptive and as much as you don’t want it accept that its your MO now, and develop a plan to change.

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    Riki
    Participant

    Wow! I’m so blown away by this string of open discussion and support. I feel like it is talking to me. I just replaced the behavior of chatting / watching with minor self harm. Also shameful and feels so hard to talk  about but I did it anyway. Don’t want to compare here, it was hard but not so hard. I feel like I can put almost anything onto my therapist. She will not get fazed or judge. Just give her empathy and support. BH.

    I really don’t want to take this string off topic. Everyone should keep up their recovery and be pro active in getting yourself the help you need. I have learned not to wait for others to notice me suffering. I need to keep looking for help and not stop until I get it. Hope everyone has an easy fast.

     

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    annonymous
    Participant

    Hi

    I am so happy this topic has been brought up. I think it’s super important to talk about this with a therapist. However, if a therapist is not part of your community it is sometimes hard to discuss these kinds of topics since they have a different aspect towards watching inappropriately things. Although, they still have an understanding, there understanding is different then what we understand. In which case how can someone feel comfortable sharing this personal and shameful information without feeling guilty?

     

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