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    NicePrincess
    Participant

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3,5 years and lived together for 2 years. This all went very smoothly until he realized he doesn’t want to live the life we currently live. He doesn’t want to keep kosher or Shabbat anymore.

    I’m willing to bend in his way a bit, i.e. let him eat non kosher outside of the house, or let him be on his computer/phone on Shabbat. But I don’t feel comfortable at all if he will let our bzh future children eat non kosher. One of his arguments is that I should understand him and accept what he wants, because he doesn’t want to be the bad/weird guy in our bzh future family (he has a point..)

    I just don’t know anymore when I  should make a compromise or when I’m loosing my own beliefs because he realized that he wants another life. I love him more than anything in the world and he’s so sincere, sweet and genuinely a good person, but I feel so cornered right now. Should I break the past 3,5 years up and start over with someone with similar believes as me or should I ‘suck it up’ and get married, because every person has flaws.. (We were so ready to get married but then he drastically changed his mind about his life like I described before).

    Thank you!

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    Banana
    Participant

    Wow I don’t have the answer but I feel for you!! Really hard!! Maybe you have a Rabbi you trust and respect that you can get some clarity from? Hopefully some professionals will answer here for you

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    Banana
    Participant

    Wishing you best of luck!!

    Hi,

    First of all, I just want to say this is such an incredibly difficult fork in the road – to stay or to leave.

    As a therapist, I always tell my clients it is not my role to make decisions for them, it is my job to help my clients make decisions for themselves using evidence-based tools that they learn in session.

    I think it can be really helpful to meet with a therapist who has experience with people who are dating.

    I also want to point out that your values and his values are both important.  You can be accepting of his life choices AND maintain your own values.  I would be curious as to what caused this big shift in his life as oftentimes there are emotional reasons underlying big religious shifts.  It is possible to support and validate him while not agreeing with him.  This kind of decision should first be based on how you feel and your own values and needs, not necessarily your future children as learning how to coparent with someone who has different religious values than you only happens when there is a mutual respect and acceptance of each other’s differences in values, not an expectation for one person to go to the other side.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    I’ve got nothing to add to this, but I want you to know that your dilemma is heard.

    When I saw the Subject line, I was pained for whoever was going through that. But in reading your post, it sounds even harder than I had anticipated because you clearly love him.

    Best if luck in your journey!

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    miramiles
    Participant

    I think you can try to tell with your partner.

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    miramiles
    Participant

    I think you can try to tell with your partner. Or read this blog https://www.happymatches.com/blog/hook-up/best-app-for-casual-hookups-2

    Seems interesting.

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