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    Ahuva
    Participant

    Does anyone on this site have any ideas, resources for an inpatient place for someone with BPD??

    Our family has tried everything – individual therapy, family therapy, eating disorder programs – you name it, to cope with my sister’s erratic behavior, and she’s still getting steadily worse, over the past three/four years.

    Her moods are unpredictable. She’ll be friendly and shmoozing one minute and then running wild a minute later, as fast as it takes to switch on a light. Her behavior is violent (slamming doors repeatedly, throwing and breaking dishes, breaking chairs and floor tiles, and so on). When you see her in her distress, she appears to have been possessed by a dybbuk, with a crazed look on her face and in her gait.

    She is in denial about her condition, willing only to discuss physical things like thyroid or liver health.

    We don’t think she needs to be locked up, because she doesn’t hurt anyone (not even herself). But she needs a place to go; clearly being home with her family is triggering her. Not to mention triggering the rest of us. Maybe she needs some sort of 24/7 shadow.

    She’s sheltered, very frum, and very crazy. We do not live in the Tristate area and are not wealthy. Any ideas?

     

    Thank you for sharing, this sounds really difficult. In what location are you looking for an inpatient facility?

    We’ll try to help out here, in the meantime check out these threads:

    Resource for Personality Disorders

    Borderline Personality Disorder

     

    In response to Fay Brezel's post #5683:

    Check out Timberline Knolls

    https://www.timberlineknolls.com

     

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    Chavy
    Participant

    Wow, this sounds very hard. As someone with the traits of borderline, I know how important it is to be validated and acknowledged and be given space. I don’t know if you’re validating her, but it goes a long way by just acknowledging that her worries/thoughts or whatever else is super hard for her and makes sense (given her diagnosis, history, and biological/genetic components). I appreciate being validated, heard and of course non-judgmentally. Another thing that might be helpful is learning her triggers and why something/someone leaves her feeling triggered and what you can both do about it. Maybe she’s associating it with something negative. I know that when I’m talking to my father, I get very triggered bc i feel “on alert.” I’m already nervous and anticipating what he’s going to say next. He is critical of me and judgmental which doesn’t help.

    Has she ever attended a DBT group? Those are very helpful.

    I hope this is helpful. I hope this didn’t come across as harsh. I just saw the question and jumped for it. I hope my response is coherent.

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    Ahuva
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Fay Brezel's post #5684:

    Thanks for your referrals, Fay Brezel!!

    We’re going to look into Timberline Knolls.

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    Ahuva
    Participant
    Topic Author

    In response to Chavy's post #5720:

    Hi, Chavy, thank you so much for your reply.

    It was fantastic to get your take from the other side of the issue. You put out a few really important points, like being non-judged, and recognizing patterns and triggers – if we had it so clear, we’d have it easier. (Which we don’t because of her denial)

    What made you feel okay with having borderline traits?

     

     

     

     

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    Banana
    Participant

    Wow @Ahuva. This sounds really difficult. I don’t know of any places but I hope the one mentioned above helps. Thoughts are with you. May HaShem help you and your sister speedily.

    In response to Chavy's post #5720:

    This was so great, thank you for sharing so candidly. There’s nothing like hearing it from your perspective. Also, how self aware you are of traits as opposed to labeling yourself, is so very important. @ahuva using these ideas that chavy shared with your sister and family can be some of those small things that go a long way!

    In response to Ahuva's post #5767:

    Sure, keep us posted!

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    Chavy
    Participant

    In response to Ahuva's post #5768:

    So, there are times when I feel okay about it and there are times when I’m so angry bc of the symptoms it gives me. When I’m having a rough time with it, I find that it helps to keep in mind that this is very hard and that the feelings will go away and lessen in its intensity. I try being kind to myself and try leaning into the feeling (mindfully) rather than running away from it. A good friend of mine tells me that this is just one part of me. As a person, there are so many other parts to me (my talents, attributes..). But when the feelings hit hard, they hit hard!

    It’s extremely hard when someone’s in denial about it. Something else that might help would be to allocate some moments of self-care to your day. This might help keep feelings of frustration baseline and at productive levels.

    I really hope your sister gains more clarity and insight and that she gets the help she needs.

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    OnAndonAnon
    Participant

    @ahuva, I just want you to know that I have a lot of compassion for you and your family. And your sister.


    @chavy
    , I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in sharing. Many (most?) people have traits of personality disorders and there’s no shame in it. Especially when one is in touch with it and aware of it.

    Sadly, those with an actual diagnosis seem to be much less likely to admit to it and seek help to lead a more fulfilling life.

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    avacad0
    Participant

    Every single person could enhance their life by reaching out for help and implementing things through trial end error. The biggest problem with people that have personality issues is that their self esteem is so fragile that they refuse to help themselves. They sometimes will go for help but at the slightest form of rejection they quit therapy. Or they sometimes go therapy shopping. They will run around from one therapist to the next to find someone who will agree or side with them. They usually unfortunately are not strong enough to admit to their issues. I think that the healthy person who needs to deal with the personality disordered person should go for help to become stronger in setting down the boundaries. Because usually what these people are missing are the boundaries required in a healthy relationship.

    Sorry for you and your fam @ahuva

    I think @Fay & @Chavy mentioned some great ideas & resources; if residential treatment is an option, that’s great.

    There are some Family-DBT programs which may be helpful as well.

    Like Chavy said, we all need to be validated; if possible help your sister feel like a part of the solution as well, maybe she has some insight as to how things can be better.

    Also from a behavioral perspective, this can be tricky, think about what kind of things your family does that perpetuates your sister’s behavior – maybe there’s something you guys can all do to reduce the extreme reactions she has.

     

     

    Hi Ahuva, I’m a certified DBT therapist specializing in working with people with BPD.  I’m happy to speak with you to give you some ideas of programs that are helpful for people with BPD.  You can call me at(732) 337-6245 or email me atninakaweblum@yahoo.com.   Nina Kaweblum

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