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    helpfulgal
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    I have this thing where when I have something major coming up, I always get super nervous about it waaayy before it actually happens. Any tips/advice for this? Thanks!

     

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    melissa
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    One thing my therapist worked with me about anxiety (mainly that I’m always preparing myself for something bad to happen) is she made me think about how being anxious is helpful — meaning, how is being anxious now gonna help me mitigate that theoretical danger when it occurs.

    Turns out, except for the normal things that are in our control, there’s really no way we can prevent or prepare for anything.

    I found it helpful in that it gave something with which to challenge the anxiety when it arises. Like all these negative thoughts come up, and I’m like, so if ABC is going to happen, how is being nervous about it now going to help me then? Can I prevent it? No. Can I prepare for it? Not more than I already did.

    It was a very helpful concept for me, so figured I’d share. (Not sure if I expressed it too clearly, though.)

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    Climber
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    In response to melissa's post #14457:

    You expressed it super clearly:)

    Just thought of adding- for people with trauma or growing up with feelings of unsafety, those ‘feelings’ may get stuck in the body, and even once they do the cognitive work ( for example the helpful thought process you explained above), they will still ‘feel’ anxious, because despite their mind ‘getting it’, their body doesn’t ‘believe it’. This is where I personally find somatic work to be helpful…

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    melissa
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    In response to Climber's post #14460:

    So on target, @climber!

     

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    mlove
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    @helpfulgal I totally get you. I struggle with the same thing. Just to add something else that helped me, my therapist worked with me on identifying what is most likely to happen, and what’s the worst that can happen so when I made a list of what is most likely to happen, it totally didn’t relate to what was the worst that can happen. Just something that helps me.
    I totally understand you and know that your not alone

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    millerjb
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    I have the exact same thing. I am going to a bar mitzvah this Shabbos in Monsey and I am very anxious about the whole thing. Will I get there okay, will my host be nice and how will the accommodations be, will I find things to eat, will I get back home okay. The only thing that is keeping me going is that I am coming back straight to my therapist’s office for a session. I hope that I can hang on until then and not explode.

    Have a great Shabbos and I will try and do the same.

    This thing that you talk about sounds like anticipatory anxiety.  It is very common when we feel uncertainty.  Take a close notice to what you feel in your body as it is helping you prepare for the future thing that is coming.  Try breathing deeply using diaphragmatic breathing. In through your nose for the count of 4, hold it for the count of 4, exhale slowly for the count of 6 gently through your mouth feeling the air passing your lips.  Practice this for 5 minutes 3 times a day when you are feeling relaxed and it will increase your sense of relaxation as your body becomes oxygenated. Best wishes.

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